Puzzle piecing

Part I
It is the way my arms have ached with the absence of you
It is heavy. It is so, so heavy, this emptiness.

You pick up the breaking pieces of me with gentle, quiet fingers
And place them in my trembling hands

There are times I am seized by a fear so reckless it rips through me and leaves me paralyzed by the roadside. 

A gentle coaxing

I must admit, my darling, you know just what to say to make me feel a bit better. 

Dear you,

Yeah, there were times we were both half-in and half-out the door

But I never needed more than the stars on your skin to lead me back home. 

-- Andrea Gibson, I do. An excerpt. 

Contentment is

Semi-empty train rides,
Wandering empty food aisles,
Smelling rain Before it starts
And hearing the sound of my favorite girl smile over the phone the day the world gets turned on for her again.

It doesn't get much better than this, does it?

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

You hold me without touch
Keep me without chains
I've never wanted anything so much
To drown in your love
And not feel your rain

Falling slowly, eyes that know me.

Take this sinking boat, and point it home-

We've still got time. 

------------------------

Sometimes there is a question that plays on my lips-

And on days that I wonder if I have the courage to ask,

I wonder if I'll have the courage to hear the answer

On being a teacher

Once, in a conversation with a student from Hua Yi Secondary that lasted over an hour, I was asked,
"But if you've got so much going for you outside, why would you teach...us? I mean.. We're just a cca."

It was one of those moments I was reminded why I left acting school.

There are few things that have as great a hold on my heart as theatre does. The way it demands you to throw yourself in, full force and with little consideration to the possibility of any sort of life outside. But also the way it fills you and holds you together as much as it tears you apart, and the way it forces you to deal with things that run parallel in your own life; The way it offers you a process of catharsis and helps you breathe again.

But at some point I started thinking, what if I also got to use this to reach students? What if I got others to feel and understand and use theatre and take from it all the things that I have too?

This is why I teach-
Theatre can be a lot of things for you: An escape, a therapeutic process, a release, a discovery, an understanding of an issue or of a person.
But it also needs to be a safe space for all of that to happen. And I want to be able to provide that safe space to young actors who have decided to get their hands dirty with all this theatre-making.

And if just one student decides to take on acting and greater, deeper levels and falls as impossibly, overwhelmingly in love with theatre as I have been all these years, then I will be happy.
But also,
if just one student comes away from my classes a bigger person, a better person, a person who has learnt a little bit more about themselves, then I will be happy too.

Some days are a little bit harder

Couldn't we sit in a park, or by running water
And couldn't we have the same conversations without words that we used to-
Couldn't we just... Be?
Without worry of time limits and responsibilities and people on the fringes calling out to us
With our cell phones on silent, the grass beneath our skin and the sun in our eyes
Couldn't we just...?

Evenings spent

Calculating the distance between our fingers,
The inches between my left knee and your right,
And marveling at how I still skip when your eyes catch mine.

Time out.

I have had so many conversations today, that to chart my emotional progression since eight in the morning would prove slightly harder than counting all the bitch fights in an entire season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Today has been a lot.


I could do with less.

Because

It always felt like something was missing,
Until you.

The only girl in the world

Want to make you feel like

Kiss it all better, I'm not ready to go

It's not your fault love, 

You didn't know 

Stay with me until I fall asleep

Stay with me until I fall asleep

Breaking down walls

"I hated it- that it kept us apart. But now that the wall's gone, he's not there."

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There are some hurts that I wish desperately I could save those I love from.