Monday, January 27, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
She's playing solitaire.
There's something about the other girl that makes me incredibly, almost unreasonably uncomfortable.
But
Something's you just have to suck up hey.
But
Something's you just have to suck up hey.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
from miles away
"Wouldn't trade you for anything else in the world."
And just like that I'm somewhere between being a teary crumpled up mess and remembering the feeling of being the most contented eleven year old ever.
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Maybe there are just some days that are just, like that.
Days where you need someone to hold you, look after you and tell you that you're still pretty even though you know for a fact you look like a mess.
Maybe there are some days that are just, like that.
Where how much you need or want something is completely irrelevant. And all that matters is that you pick yourself off the floor and get your shit done.
Maybe there are some days, that are just-
Falling back into work; knowing it knows you better than you know yourself, having everything else fit against you the way it should, while you block out this dull ache that's throbbing somewhere inside you.
Maybe there are some days that are just.
Like that.
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but she's the one I want to come home to,
the one I'll wait up for,
the one I'll share toothpaste with.
She was always the sharp one.
"It's always a war-
Between the head and the heart.
It just depends on which one you want to fight."
Between the head and the heart.
It just depends on which one you want to fight."
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Wreck of the day
"Why do you look so sad?"
"Sorry, didn't know it was that obvious-"
"Well I figure you're not in character right now."
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"My day was.... Tumultuous. Very, in fact."
"Tell me about it?"
------------------------------
Would someone mind awfully telling me how it is that one can feel this dreadfully alone?
And why a behavioral response to that is to, in turn, desperately want to be alone?
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Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Phone calls from far away places
"So why aren't you talking to her instead?"
"She's asleep"
But I cannot bring myself to say all the other reasons there are.
Or how part of me is wide awake because I'm a little bit afraid of falling asleep. Because falling asleep means waking up to find that we're still not alright.
I always hate when we're not.
Suddenly it feels like there're all these conversations I haven't gotten to have with you yet, all these moments I can't be sure I'm remembering properly, all these picnics we've promised to have but haven't, all these things about you that I haven't had enough time to memorize.
Whenever this happens, it feels like I lose a little bit more of myself. But it also feels like a lose a little bit of you.
And, like I always do, I'm afraid of holding on too tight.
Because it's always what you want to hold on to, that slips through your fingers the fastest.
"She's asleep"
But I cannot bring myself to say all the other reasons there are.
Or how part of me is wide awake because I'm a little bit afraid of falling asleep. Because falling asleep means waking up to find that we're still not alright.
I always hate when we're not.
Suddenly it feels like there're all these conversations I haven't gotten to have with you yet, all these moments I can't be sure I'm remembering properly, all these picnics we've promised to have but haven't, all these things about you that I haven't had enough time to memorize.
Whenever this happens, it feels like I lose a little bit more of myself. But it also feels like a lose a little bit of you.
And, like I always do, I'm afraid of holding on too tight.
Because it's always what you want to hold on to, that slips through your fingers the fastest.
Blue is the warmest colour
I keep myself occupied for long enough to think we're okay,
Before I realize-
We're not.
Sent from my iPhone
Before I realize-
We're not.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, January 6, 2014
Pieces.
I ruin everything I have with quiet, desperate tragedies in my own head. Running shaky fingers down faint pencilled lines I have never quite managed to erase, and seeing hazy memories that truly, truly aren't all as close as they seem.
I ruin everything with my falling in love with the things you do.
The quiet slip of your arm around me in a crowd. A secret kiss just inches away from church. Your hand reaching for mine under the table.
Or I ruin things by being in want-
Of you, two minutes before you are due to go.
Of wanting to tell you but being much too devastated with the thought of laying myself out bare.
Of being softer than I dare to admit and desperately, desperately not wanting to be.
I ruin everything with my falling in love with the things you do.
The quiet slip of your arm around me in a crowd. A secret kiss just inches away from church. Your hand reaching for mine under the table.
Or I ruin things by being in want-
Of you, two minutes before you are due to go.
Of wanting to tell you but being much too devastated with the thought of laying myself out bare.
Of being softer than I dare to admit and desperately, desperately not wanting to be.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
To a lovely 2014!
The coming year sounds like it's got a lot in store and already, I'm excited.
I hope eeeeeeveryone got to spend their New Years cozying up with their favourite people, eating amazing food (I'll have a proper post with the lot of pictures to make you jelly like a jelly bean), and just being happy, mostly.
Cos that's always kinda nice.
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