"And how're the two of you?" "Happy."

She's playing solitaire.

There's something about the other girl that makes me incredibly, almost unreasonably uncomfortable.

But
Something's you just have to suck up hey.

Lucky.

Ps: I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world.

from miles away

"Wouldn't trade you for anything else in the world."

And just like that I'm somewhere between being a teary crumpled up mess and remembering the feeling of being the most contented eleven year old ever. 

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Maybe there are just some days that are just, like that. 

Days where you need someone to hold you, look after you and tell you that you're still pretty even though you know for a fact you look like a mess. 

Maybe there are some days that are just, like that.

Where how much you need or want something is completely irrelevant. And all that matters is that you pick yourself off the floor and get your shit done. 

Maybe there are some days, that are just- 

Falling back into work; knowing it knows you better than you know yourself, having everything else fit against you the way it should, while you block out this dull ache that's throbbing somewhere inside you. 

Maybe there are some days that are just. 

Like that. 

----------------------------------

but she's the one I want to come home to,

the one I'll wait up for,

the one I'll share toothpaste with. 

She was always the sharp one.

"It's always a war-
Between the head and the heart.
It just depends on which one you want to fight."

Wreck of the day

"Why do you look so sad?"

"Sorry, didn't know it was that obvious-"

"Well I figure you're not in character right now."

------------------------------

"My day was.... Tumultuous. Very, in fact."

"Tell me about it?"

------------------------------

Would someone mind awfully telling me how it is that one can feel this dreadfully alone? 

And why a behavioral response to that is to, in turn, desperately want to be alone?

-------------------------------

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And it's finally quiet in my head

Whenever it feels like I'm breaking,
Work is what catches me

I hear a baby crying and my first instinct is to go to it, pick it up, hold it to me until everything that might possibly be wrong is all right again.


But it's all in my head.

Stations

But we're like trains hurtling in all the wrong directions
All the wrong directions

Goodnight.

"Muchos besos que hablaremos otro dia"

Phone calls from far away places

"So why aren't you talking to her instead?"
"She's asleep"

But I cannot bring myself to say all the other reasons there are.
Or how part of me is wide awake because I'm a little bit afraid of falling asleep. Because falling asleep means waking up to find that we're still not alright.


I always hate when we're not.


Suddenly it feels like there're all these conversations I haven't gotten to have with you yet, all these moments I can't be sure I'm remembering properly, all these picnics we've promised to have but haven't, all these things about you that I haven't had enough time to memorize.

Whenever this happens, it feels like I lose a little bit more of myself. But it also feels like a lose a little bit of you.

And, like I always do, I'm afraid of holding on too tight.
Because it's always what you want to hold on to, that slips through your fingers the fastest.

He said come with me and we'll make many storms.

I'll taste the devil's tears,
drink from his soul

But I'll,
Never give up you

Then

What happens when I wake up?




Sent from my iPhone

Blue is the warmest colour

I keep myself occupied for long enough to think we're okay,
Before I realize-

We're not.

Sent from my iPhone

Nothing else could break my heart like

True love.

Pieces.

I ruin everything I have with quiet, desperate tragedies in my own head. Running shaky fingers down faint pencilled lines I have never quite managed to erase, and seeing hazy memories that truly, truly aren't all as close as they seem.


I ruin everything with my falling in love with the things you do.
The quiet slip of your arm around me in a crowd. A secret kiss just inches away from church. Your hand reaching for mine under the table.

Or I ruin things by being in want-
Of you, two minutes before you are due to go.
Of wanting to tell you but being much too devastated with the thought of laying myself out bare.
Of being softer than I dare to admit and desperately, desperately not wanting to be.

To a lovely 2014!

The coming year sounds like it's got a lot in store and already, I'm excited.

I hope eeeeeeveryone got to spend their New Years cozying up with their favourite people, eating amazing food (I'll have a proper post with the lot of pictures to make you jelly like a jelly bean), and just being happy, mostly.

Cos that's always kinda nice.