Friday, January 23, 2009

and it's one of those times of the year again.
In fact, it's so insignificant, that I don't actually feel that my life is marked by these occasions.
You know, these "special" ones that have to be shared and the issue of that tip-toed around.

It's the first of one of those times of the year again.
and already,
I'm just so incredibly tired.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

what Squidge produced

So as I've probably mentioned before, I've got a baby named Squidge.
She's a tiny camera, smaller than the size of your palm. Squidge's best friend is a fish-eye camera, and is the exact same size as her (except with a huge round lens).

I took them both on my LA Trip and only just managed to collect the photographs.
Because they use 110mm film which is pretty much non-existent, it cost a bomb to get these photographs developed. As if that wasn't bad enough, most of them due to over-exposure/under-exposure/ sunlight sneaking into my film canister, most of the pictures out of the 72 are grey and blank.
I was quite quite upset, to say the least. And it cost me like, fifty bucks just to get them developed.

I figured I'd be lucky if I could get just ten or so decent pictures out of the 72.
I managed to get twenty. Somehow though, I don't feel that much more ecstatic.

Those that survived though, are terribly pretty.
Of course they're not your ordinary sort of pictures where clarity is taken for granted. They're pretty old school, some of them grainy, and some of them over-exposed in a way that is still rather pretty. I'm not a photographer, that title is held by my baby sister.
But the stuff's pretty neat and I'm quite proud of the outcome, although it's all of twenty pictures.

Needless to say, no more cute little gadgets for me. Shoes are SO much more worth it.
And they look better in pictures too!

Anyway! Here they are((:

mPersonal Favourite, this one. All of the above were in San Francisco.
The series below us is from the fish-eye. (I was thinking of calling it Dory. teehee)

I love this one(:

Oh these two that just passed were in Frisco too((:
That's Jacq, and the lawn
And that's the lawn from the front door, which no one ever enters by.

That's my pap-pap, we're right outside HSBC.

Costco, and feeble attempt to take artsy shots.Dog in the next car.

Well well, for those that turned out brilliantly, I'm awfully happy.
But there's a whole lot that didn't come through. So I guess you've to imagine the rest of the fifty shots.
Think beautiful skyline, clouds, flowers, fountains, and long empty roads lined with orange trees that look like they belong on a postcard.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

glass always looked prettier in pieces anyway

So the week's begun and left me behind. I sort of feel like I'm running after a train that isn't moving, and not catching up with it.
There's stuff to do, and I SHOULD have the time to do it, except, I don't.
And it's not like I'm not trying.

I sit and try to do the work I'm supposed to do, and I'm so aware of all the other million things I have to do and I'm freaking out about my priorities not being quite right, that I end up being so stuck on what I have to do that I don't actually do anything. (My, what a mouthful!)

There's my room to clean up, for instance. And I'm just itching to lock myself in and sort all this crap out. But at the same time, there's a song I've to finish by this week, a project, as well as a lesson plan for a debate course I'll be teaching.
And in between there's all the little things like trying to tidy up here and there.

I bought myself a shoe rack today though. It's the most gorgeous thing, and all my shoes are just so gorgeously lined up then I get this spasm of happiness everytime I see my gorgeous gorgeous shoes all neatly lined up. The room looks just that little bit neater.
And yet, all those other things I'm also supposed to be doing are bugging me no end.

Anyway, on an angrier note,
our ex-landlady emailed mommy. No doubt full of self-righteousness and piousness spilling out of her goddamn nostrils. Am I supposed to be nicer to her because of her incredibly graciousness? Because that sort of leans towards as possible as me bungee-jumping.

This, by the way, is how she starts of her email:
there are quite a few things that you, as tenant should "make good or compensate the landlord" when you move out that I didnt mention to you as I want to be as gracious as I am called to be by the Lord.
For Fuck's Sake, stop throwing that God-thing at me because frankly, you're one of the last people I would think of when the word Christian comes to mind. It's so amazing, you know, and I can hardly believe that I myself am still a Christian because it irks me that i am associated with such a person.
It pisses me off that she is so goddamn self-righteous and throwing her "graciousness" in our face. Well really, if you call graciousness telling us to get the fuck out of your house because you frankly do not want us there (and make it painfully clear) and proceed to point out how impossible it would be to stay a couple more days while trying to get our entire lives out of your fucking house because "the cleaners are coming" or you "would like to live there for the period that you're back" then I must be missing something.

Here's how she ends off:
To say the least, I am disappointed with the way things turn out, and the testimony that you have shown to my family. But this is now my problem to explain to them.

Oh woe is you, having to explain how horrible some Christians can be, making a mess of your place!
Some, might I point out, wasn't even our fault! The cooker, for instance, was never ever used by us because we had our own. Yours was spoilt because it was crappy. Fullstop.
Also, it is complete and utter bullshit that "the place was so dirty no one wanted to come in and clean it". First of all, if you hire a company and pay them to clean, they will clean. I find it highly unlikely that a company would send a team down, be aghast at the state of the house and then promptly change their minds about cleaning up. HIGHLY UNLIKELY.

And you know what, Miss-Holier-Than-Thou?
i'm pretty damn glad that you had to scrub off the stains my piano left on your floor, and with your nails (oh poor you, really.)

For seventy dollars, I should have put effort into trashing your fucking place.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

i want to run

until my legs threaten to give out,
and I'm so choked up that I can't even breathe.
Until my insides contract so much that it feels like i'm eating myself alive from the inside out,
and my brain starts screaming with the knowledge that it's shutting down.

Then i want to stop,
so that I can breathe again and figure that i actually wanted to.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

When purples fade to grey

I've been rushing projects for the most part :/
and no, I haven't been unpacking. Which basically means I still can't get to the mirror in my room.

We've hit mid-week!
I've gotten the schedules for my classes and the first is tomorrow. Which also happens to be the due date of my projects. of course, I'm supposed to have finished them by tonight/ tomorrow morning which gives is supposed to give me peace of mind.
Thought right now of course, it sort of doesn't.

It's an exciting year coming up and my schedules are kind to me.
There's still lots of stuff to do though, where it concerns the degree though. This is the year where I wrap everything up, send applications in and all that bullshit.

I've got 54 credits before I finish the degree, and just about 15 more subjects to complete.
Just the numbers alone are dizzying. Gosh.
Busy busy year we have, don't we?

Monday, January 12, 2009

What I did on my first Saturday back in Singapore

Yep, two days in and back to work(:
I was particularly happy because it's been half a year since we've met up and all that.
Big IS Gorgeous has been going fantastic and they've even recruited new models (who looked really good unlike Richard).
I wasn't shooting for BIG this time though, there were three gorgeous girls for that (two of whom were twins!) This time, I was shooting for The Plus Factor, which is the side of BIG targeting both male and female youths!

Sorry, they both looked so cute, I had to put them up here!
Besides the shoot for Plus Factor (which was just a since we're going to be in the studio anyway sort of thing) there was theee main reason for everyone being all prettied up and falling asleep waiting for their turn!
Samsul has designed a line of wedding dresses!
SO, most of the rest were dolled up in wedding-styled clothes (though not necessarily all poofy and veily).
Ernie was in for the bellydancers photoshoot. Yep, BIG has bellydancing classes!
This is the first time we've shot together! (:
The twins- Eva and Dana, Fizzy (who's missed backstage updates as much as I have) and me!

Fizzy is the only straight designer I know. Which should irk me, considering how many times he's seen us completely and utterly naked and helped us adjust our bra, but it doesn't.
We're gonna come up with an online shop selling our designed stuffs! (though you should get his dresses cos all i'm coming up with is a series of random tees.)I looove this picture. The one in red, on the left, is Vicky. She's a client turned new model for BIG but she's so brilliantly well porportioned and hot. I am NOT kidding you, you should've seen her in the dress with the plunging neckline and strapped in wasit!
In the chair is Amelia and the guy is Sean/Shawn, who I just found out, is a year younger than me! They're winners of that yearly teen pageant thingy. Okay, I've no idea what it's called so i'm not gonna try.
My hair was let down and done this way so I'd look more vibrant/youthful/un-old-hagish.
Photographs from Fizzy's camera!
Let's hope the blue moon comes quicker next time. <3

Amazingly, I was done within two hours of arriving. Which is absolutely unheard of!
Ranjeet's long out of CDC, BUT if we thought we'd never see him again, I must've been low on chocolate and smokes, because he's working with BIG. Which explains why he's there:D

BIG's been busy with a massive amount of projects, causing Sham's hair to go from blue to green to blonde (as it still was when I saw it) within the week of her dying it.
Big IS Gorgeous is even helping low income families and single moms by (upon them signing up) sending them for a three month tailoring course and then paying them to sew the dresses that we model in.
No more importing clothes from Thailand or US or wherever!
They're now designed by us (Well, Samsul first) and then, hand-tailored IN singapore.
This also allows these mothers to work from home and look after their kids.

I think this is one of the things that I'm happiest about:D

Anyhoos, it's back to work this coming Friday for me.
I've got three projects to finish BY Thursday so, keeping my fingers crossed. But you can't get em all, so I'm hoping my 5 out of six assignments being full marks will pull me up.
My GPA isn't very good right now.
BUT I'll admit that I'm quite happy because if I maintain my Grade Point Average, then I'll be able to get into most of the Universities that I'm looking up via the trust World Wide Web.

and yeah, it's nice being back(:

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

This is impossible.
My stopover in Taiwan is eleven hours. I hate the whole being so freaking close and yet so far away. The worst bit is the wait. Groan.

We'll probably be able to get out of the airport for walkabouts and all that.
But still.


All left in bubble wrap and plastic

Glenn's aaaaalways eyeing my yoghurt!
Aurora the Penguin! Save the animals because they love you too!

So we've pretty much just been busy having a swell time, eating Ghiradelli brownies for breakfast and having coffee so strong that IF I got affected by coffee, I'd be buzzing after half a cup.

But too much chocolate, just like other good things like sex, cotton candy and sleep gets one a widdle bit dizzy. (I just said that because I had a couple of bites of brownie)

it's the second last day of being in gorgeous, brilliant San Gabriel and the world has already begun! Everyone's back at school/ work/ bum-busyness.
I've just got one more important present to pick up in Taipei. Other than that, I've completed all my shopping. I'm even too lazy to buy booze at DFS, yeah, fo' shizz man. Imagine that.

Today's my pap-pap's actual birthday, so we'll be going out with my gramps today.
It's strangely sad actually, because I haven't seen much of my grandparents since coming back from Frisco. For one, my granny was ill for a while. As were quite a few people actually. We seem to have given them a very nice Christmas present- our cold.

Believe it or not, I'm completely done with packing. Developing of my 110mm film will def. have to wait til I'm back in Singapore because they don't do it here.

There's that whole air around of constantly packing and repacking, making things easier and more convenient. Fortunately (or Unfortunately) I'm still quite fresh from my move and so, am quite proud of the way I've packed things. Out of my four pairs of new shoes, I've taken two out of their boxes. One of them being a pair of five-ish inch heels which can be doubled up as a weapon. Had to wrap that up in a skirt which i did NOT use this trip. Bloody waste of space I say! Two skirts which I didn't wear, terribly disappointed with myself, can't stand it. It's taking up precious space, I'll have you know!

Anyway, I'm off to soak up precious remaining minutes here.


Monday, January 5, 2009

You can never get far enough away from them weirdos

Crikey, they follow you all around don't they?
I've just been getting the most absurd friendster messages these days! That's what that site's become now, has it?
My word!

I bought TLC's Christmas present today and just finished packing all my stuff, save for what I'll need in the next couple of days.
Now everyone sayyyy,
That's right, my entire holiday, being wrapped up in plastic, in bubble wrap, in new clothes and put away.

I watched Transformers too(((:
Complete with surround sound, although they kept going on at me for not catching it in theaters.
My cousin's wife went to watch it three times!

Bed time now. it's half past two on a monday morning.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I am so incredibly frustrated right now.
But it's not bad enough, because actually my day has been incredibly fantastic, as has been my evening, as has been my entire trip.
But then there's all these tiny in-betweens that are impossibly infuriating.

Of course, when those are noted then it's sorted out.
But otherwise.
And God, I'm probably not making any sense at all to you right now.

But it's really times like these that I seriously appreciate my immediate family.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

"Just remember kid, it's all bullshit"

So my New Years' Day was quite fantastic. No biggo party, but I checked out the University I'm hoping to get into, had great brunch and came home to those legendary home-cooked dinners that we've been having SO DAMN much of but I swear, one does not get sick of.

Back when I was dating Alastair, my entirefamily clan knew about it within the first half year and my cousins, (over-protective, amazing and caring cousins they are), said,
"Well lets see how much he eats, first."

The Little Creature has been on Joejoe's xbox most of this time, finding her way around Assassin's Creed. Well, what she did in an hour, my cousin's friends (boys, all of them) took five hours.
So kudos to her(:

It's great here, as it always is. I'm happy as a clam and glad like a furry caterpillar.

So today saw me having a nice breakfast, before heading to the movies with my cousin where we caught Yes Man. Shame, I'm gunning for movies which aren't released in Asia yet. TEE HEE.
Fucking hilarious, as was Marley & Me, which we saw on New Year's Eve Night (and which made me cry like fuck)

My pap-pap's party celebrating his eightieth is tomorrow evening. After that, it'll mean three more days til I'm on the eleven o clock flight to Singapore where I can get my free baby kangaroo from Victor!

Believe it or not, after four pairs of shoes, pretty pink things from Victoria's Secret and my hoard of Christmas presents, I'm a bit lazy to shop.

Omg, I just measured my shoes and realized that they're only five and a quarter inch (the highest pair, from Aldo). Shit. Gonna have to get one that beats my six inch now. So ignore the last sentence. haha.

Anyway, a couple of movies that you guys ought to catch once it's out in Singapore
(Just in case you guys haven't caught the trailers) --
Bride Wars
He's just not that into you
Watchmen (it's great for the guys too!)

Anyway, I'm off for Banana Split after dinner at a place called Fosselman which has been around since my granduncle was a born. Which is like, 1913 or something.

I've got fantastic news to tell you guys when I'm back. hehe

Thursday, January 1, 2009

That is Why

I think,
that the most beautiful thing in the world,
is knowing that you have the power to hurt yourself more than anyone else.
And that you can control that hurt and channel it, til it runs through you and helps you breathe.

To 2009

Pop the champagne for me, because there's no alcohol, here on New Year's.
The night out with my cousin's family was great, complete with fantastic dinner and a movie and lovely dessert.

It's quieter this year, a lot quieter.
It's also the first year that my mommy's got somewhere to be and I don't. I'm glad for her though, because she wouldn't have this much fun on a New Year's back in Singapore. It's just that well, I don't have anywhere to be.

But quiet is good.
They often say that the way you enter into the New Year is the way you'll be for the rest of the year. If this means quiet and at the computer for me, I don't quite mind I suppose.
Big year ahead to prep for.
By big I mean, it's this stepping stone to a lot of other bits and pieces of my life.

I'll get to travel a bit. Quite a bit in fact, which I really like.
So, yay me(:

So 2008.
Well, 2008 is, well, over.
But it was also incredibly eventful with so many many things to remember and lock away.
Forget sweet sixteen and legal eighteen, the fun bit is the in between. (that SO rhymes, which sounds a bit cheesy but is cute nonetheless!)

So well, I went into this year with no expectations whatsoever. It's the year to be wasted, they all said, cos it's not like you can do a damn thing. Not legally anyways.

But, life is always what you don't plan for.
So I found myself grappling with stuff I wasn't ready for at the time, on top of getting scared now and then of growing up too fast and all that bullshit.

Anyway, it's probably just the inspiration of popsicle feeties and feeling sad,
but for the most part, I'm scared I'm not ready for 2009.
It's different. I don't have a major exam to be working up for. There's this consistency that I need, to guarantee me a place in University. And there's all that other crap, like which University, school fees, scholarships, loans. Things I used to just talk about with the knowledge that it was far away enough for me to still dream about.

I've been crying too much today.
And I'm crying thinking about one of the first things I cried about, which honestly shouldn't really matter.

There's so much I don't want to think about, but I know I'm deliberately not thinking about those things, which make me want to think about them even more.

Anyway, what the fuck, it's New Year's.
Alcohol isn't the only thing that makes me happy.

So, to a brilliant 2009 to the rest of you!
So, it's 11:15pm on New Year's Eve in San Gabriel, California.

And it's 11:15pm, on New Year's Eve.