Phone calls from far away places

"So why aren't you talking to her instead?"
"She's asleep"

But I cannot bring myself to say all the other reasons there are.
Or how part of me is wide awake because I'm a little bit afraid of falling asleep. Because falling asleep means waking up to find that we're still not alright.


I always hate when we're not.


Suddenly it feels like there're all these conversations I haven't gotten to have with you yet, all these moments I can't be sure I'm remembering properly, all these picnics we've promised to have but haven't, all these things about you that I haven't had enough time to memorize.

Whenever this happens, it feels like I lose a little bit more of myself. But it also feels like a lose a little bit of you.

And, like I always do, I'm afraid of holding on too tight.
Because it's always what you want to hold on to, that slips through your fingers the fastest.