And then that song comes on again and
Then I'm sitting in the drizzle, by the river, on the eighth day in a row that I've spent with you.
It's a Friday.
"This isn't good," you laughed, earlier on that day. It was after lunch and we were stretched out on grass.
Propped up on elbows, I watched you as you carefully picked your words.
"I really like spending time with you."
That day, I celebrated my three months of being smoke-free by buying a pack, urgently smacking the top of the box against the inside of my wrist. I finished most of that box within the next four hours that I spent staring out at the restless waters, pen hovering over the brown pages of my notebook.
If I could have one wish,
The song goes,
If I could have some say
I'd keep you far from home.
You were beautiful, I remembered thinking. You made my breath catch. You were so beautiful.
I'd roll back both my sleeves
Dig under your skin
And fix your shattered bones.
"It's so unfair," I'd written, "that life gives us exactly what we deserve."
This may hurt you when I tell you of the truth
We don't get two lives to live
It's funny. Because I thought it was a very one-sided sort of thing. I hadn't expected any more.
The only fault I found in you
I thought I'd be happy, but it was difficult for that to be an immediate reaction when actually,
I thought it was tragic.
Was not being free to take what I would give
And it was- for the most part. How suddenly,
There was you and me both, and a muddle of thoughts and feelings.
If I could make you stay
Convince you we'd be lost,
If we were torn apart.
If it remained unclear
Between the two of us
Which one would be the one
To break the other's heart
But then the song, it starts to fade out. The drizzle lightens.
I've been smoke-free for the last two years, almost.
You're beautiful, I'm thinking to myself. You make my breath catch.
You are so beautiful.
And it's a rainy Sunday morning, where I'm waking up to you and I.
I think you're the most beautiful person in the world to wake up to.
We weren't meant to suffer so very long
Leaving love that's lost has never been a sin
The only fault you have tonight
Is shutting down so cold til I break in