Time out

I've been scared, afraid; my insides shaking that I think I might break 

But I've been blocking it out and trying to move forward instead. And I have. Because that's far easier. It's far easier to do something that will help yourself or take you away from the fear rather than just address it. 

And then I've also been a little bit sad. 

I mean, I've also been happy, incredibly so. I've been contented, smiley and settled...mostly. 

But these trace amounts of sadness, they creep up on me and the next moment I'm tearing up as I admit how it feels like sometimes I'm still battling a time difference. 

Even though it's something that isn't new. Even though it's something I would've thought I've dealt with already, in all this time. 

So with that,

Some days just... deserve to be yours. 

And you go.

You settle down somewhere you thought of on a whim, and you seat yourself on a high stool and breathe in that scent that comes when you're on your own, and light, and happy. 

The smell that has a hint of sweetness- a mix of freshly cut grass and apples. 

And then you read a book.

A children's book. 

One that makes you cry and laugh and smile and cry and laugh, all in turn. 

And you think, I couldn't have picked a more fitting book. 

You think, I really really needed this. 

You think,

Now this is an afternoon I deserved.