This was not the arrival I needed. This was not the sort of thing I needed to come back to after being away.
This was not the sort of evening I would've asked for a picked. Never. Never, never, never.

I currently feel like absolute shit for a couple of reasons. I didn't need just one more thing to tip the balance. I didn't need this.
I want to curl into a ball.

I will never do this again. Never. She can ask, and I will never say no. I'd rather miss out on something that could've been good than risk saying yes to this.

The rest, I will find another time to fix. But goddamn, I will fix it.