Thursday, April 19, 2012

On the greyscale- in Black and white

The last time I was in these grey, converse-styled shoes was late last year. The laces on the left side have a bit of brown on them from where Nano nosed my shoe after rolling about in the freshly dampened sand. It would've been right about this time in the morning, probably later. Half past seven maybe.

There are a lot of things I miss about my life and this is one of them. Getting to hang out with horses a bit more often is one, but also, having time to be involved in programmes that help kids the way Equal does.
I loved my job because I was able to share what drama did for me as a person. But at the same time, there were also other parts of me that slipped in (which is not necessarily bad, just different). The perfectionist bit, for instance. The fact that, it being work, there were deadlines and end-products. So yes, there was the process that was important, but that process needed to birth some kind of result that an outsider could look at and say, "Why yes, an improvement indeed."

EQUAL was different because (and I guess this is significant) I wasn't the one who had to produce results, in something that was also less product-driven as much as it was process.
And I miss that, being around for that transitional period that these kids got to go through.

And the ones we left behind

I miss work. I miss its seasons, I miss the person that I was, I miss being excited and having enough of me. I miss, funnily enough, being human. Not feeling like I am masked, like things are masked, like everything is some kind of facade.

Goodbye to the roses on your street

Being with you makes me realize what it feels like to not be in the in-between. In that grey area between lovers and friends and how nice it feels to not have to hide.

Goodbye to my Santa Monica Dream

Tell me I won't disappear. That I will still be here. That I won't get lost.

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