Monday, May 13, 2013

Why, hello stranger.

So, like it was some kind of a prank,
Blogspot was blocked for the longest, longest time. Which meant that if you were on a computer in Singapore, you wouldn't be able to read a blog hosted by blogspot. Which meant I couldn't read my own blog either. 
Which felt like the equivalent of hairy balls being shoved into your mouth. 
In other words, it sucked. 

I wrote in other places though. Ish. Kind of. Not really. 

Funnily enough, I'd just wrote about how much easier it is to not write, on a platform like tumblr- because all I wanted to do was scroll through pretty pictures and reblog them instead of dealing with all this shit that's been on my mind. 

Which has been a lot, to be quite honest. Especially in, perhaps the last three weeks or so. 

Oh it's been everything really, from feeling ugly, to feeling uglier, to feeling like my girlfriend is repulsed by me, to falling back into this crazy hole of ripping myself apart wanting to be beautiful, to having a minor procedure turn out to be a minor surgery. Without anesthesia. And the psycho-physical pain that came with all of that. To being a complete drunken mess on Saturday night and fighting my mother off while she tried to take my clothes off. On Mother's Day. 
Yes I am ashamed. 

So in other words, quite a bit's gone on. And don't get me started on all the other bits and pieces outside the afore-mentioned emotional nonsense of the last three,four weeks. 

I suppose what matters now is, i accidentally found out that my blog is very much accessible.  
And I might just be able to write again. Or sure as hell can try. 

And that's a start isn't it?
We'll all have to face our ghosts eventually. 

And besides, I'm getting very tired of crying myself to sleep these days. 

Sent from my iPhone

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