Sunrise, sunrise

So my trip is quickly drawing to a close.
It doesn't feel like there's been a lot of time y'know, between spending time with family and meeting friends. As yet I haven't completed half of my shopping list- and there isn't even a whole lot on that list.

Yep. The next time I'm here, I'll be in my own car, thanks very much.

It's been an amazing trip so far, for the most part. I've rediscovered just how much I love being on my own, and traveling on my own even more. I've met so many amazing people with so many stories and personalities and professions- it's crazy and I'm just so glad that I've met with all these different people. They're definitely what made my trip before I came hurtling through the windows into my grammy's living room.

In this time, there've been so many moments that I've had with people- ones that aren't (and can't be) captured on camera. Some are completely silent, some are just in the swapping of glances or an accidental slip of a joke. And there's something about not being able to stow it away for keeps physically that sort of make it nicer or more interesting to hold on to.

This trip,
It's been quite something.

-----------------------------------

Where am I, then?

Are partings better when they're sweet, because you left bitter
Or bitter, because you left sweet?

I've run out

There are things I will learn to get used to.
That I will have to get used to.

Like on nights like these, for instance-
That when duty calls then,
Well, duty calls.

But there are parts of you I hope for, wish for...
That I hate myself for waiting for.
Because i have learnt that hoping will always leave you just that little bit sadder than you can brace yourself.


And i chide myself, bring myself back to how it's not your fault, not your doing.
And it isn't.

So all I'm left with is the job of packing our blanks into boxes.


And missing you.

Spent all night

Waiting.

Now look what you've done

Wait,
Hold up.

Did I just wait months for you to come back, only to have you leave?





Smart move Charis. Smart move.
Your brilliance is absolutely astounding.

On the other side of the glass

It's funny.

I had only just started relearning what us being okay felt like.

Only just.


______________________________

So then, where do I stand?

Dusk

Like dusk, she crept through cold trees, slipping into quiet empty spaces. With the sound of her smile and promises in her fingertips, she fit herself in so, so perfectly, that it became difficult to remember just when the world wasn't this shade of colour.

And we packed all our blanks into boxes

"Tell me about your day- your classes, the singing, the musical. That girl- what was her name?- tell me about her!"

"They were brilliant! They were beautiful! No. Not really, not always. Sometimes I wish they were more focused, and I often think they could do with a whole lot more discipline. But today...
Today I realized just how far they have come. How much more they're using breath to support their voice.
Baby... I'm so, so proud of them. And I'm so lucky I get to be a teacher.

That I get to be their teacher."



1) There are conversations I've wanted to have with you that have started with other people.
2) There are days filled with so much frustration, that have lasted too long, that have made me grateful for how I'll get to fall in your arms at the end of it all.
3) it is more more painful when I get to the end of that day and realize that will not happen.
3) the more you feel for someone is almost always directly related to how much they affect you.

4) you break me.



5) So easily.

Home

There's nothing in the world
A knife won't fix

Or a gin and tonic,
Failing that.

Coming home

There's something about being away from someone you love for a long time-
You force yourself into various preoccupations to keep you from addressing that niggling feeling at the back of your mind, or you wander about an empty apartment at midday, drink in hand and wonder when it got to be like this.
And it's not that you need things to stay exactly the same as when it first started, it just becomes quite apparent how far away you've both come from that time and space.
At it's worst, you figure the novelty of the other person having you might possibly have worn off. Or that you're less interesting, or at least, a lot of other things have become more interesting.

Mostly though, you hope this won't last.

There's something about being away from someone you love for a long time-
And realising that you don't actually have to be physically apart to miss them; That there are a myriad of things that can come between you and, it sure as hell feels like the ocean.
There's also realising that you can try, both of you can, but it doesn't always quell the other's absence. Which of course, in itself is frustrating because, sometimes,
you get tired of trying. Or not feeling like that's enough.

There's something about being away from someone you love for a long time-
To find that maybe, she missed you too. That the empty spaces you've left between your words for so long, can still be filled now. That there is such familiarity in what you thought had become less familiar.
That even though you've been waiting up and the tea's gone cold, at the end of the day,
she still came home to you.
And she's always going to be worth wait.
Always.

There's something about being away from someone you love for a long time-
And waking up, to find her curled around you..
Like she never left.