It's better to let off steam(:

Hello there, Rachel Lim Yun Shi.
I decided to waste my 365th post on you.

So MISSOHMYGOD (gosh! and you called me bimbotic?)
as if a blog post wasn't bad enough, there was this:
http://www.new.facebook.com/home.php#/photo.php?pid=1349987&id=721425810

I realized how being expected to be an entertaining, comic-relief type of host is really hard.
Really hard.
It's bloody simple to announce bands and thank sponsors and not give a shit about your audience, but unfortunately, that's not what being a host is about.
I suppose there's a difference between hosting and emceeing. (or is there? hmm)

But do you honestly know what beats that?
You wouldn't believe what could possible beat being an expected-to-be-funny host at an event, you just wouldn't believe!

It is being an expected-to-be-funny-as-hell-host at a typically Singaporean event!

I proceeded to type out chunks and chunks of stuff about how for some reason my friends do not classify as typically Singaporean. But that's beside the point because you guys know that I'm not talking about you and that I love you to bits. and sometimes I am so incredibly, fucking grateful because I realize how I could just as easily have spent the last five years of my life wishing I knew people as awesome and awesomely un-singaporean as you guys.

All that sappy mush aside, lets get back to point!

Last night at my Aunt's wedding, we had an extremely entertaining host.
Who, although I knew was not making much of an impression on my mom and Grand-uncle (father of the bride), kept me laughing.
He wasn't a typically Singaporean host which was probably why he got such a minimal response from the audience.

I don't understand why putting on an incredibly strong Singaporean accent and telling slap-stick jokes gets you a raving local audience as opposed to 3,4am standup comedy numbers with AN ACTUAL POINT TO IT.
It is so incredibly hard, I'm telling you.
"Come up with 50 lame jokes" I was told, "Something that'll make the audience groan."
I should've listened because I realized, that those are the kind of jokes that the majority seem to like.

It was the same thing all over again.
Comic-relief in Skins-
My first try was the Brit Bitch which had The Trio grinning hard. But Ranjeet pointed out, very rightly, that it would go over many people's heads.
So I took a full week to master the entire gossipy-aunty persona,
And it was a hit.
I didn't mind it, not in the least, though Nad probably remembers how I whined a bit because I just COULDN'T drop my accent.

Most of the time, I understand that people have different ideas of jokes and way different things that they'll find funny.

But what I can't stand is people who then point out what a bad job the person on stage is doing. Unless of course, it's dead obvious, like the person is bloody fidgety and constantly messing up.
You see, unless you can do a better job, you seriously need to shut the fuck up.

I'm guessing that I have friends who are probably friends of hers.
So if you read this, I'm terribly sorry because I seriously have a bone to pick. If you're my friend, I am definitely not saying this to piss you off, but I sure as hell am annoyed at Rachel.

So here's my take.
I can take criticism; constructive or otherwise.
I can take people just saying, "I don't fucking like you."

I can't take people who don't have the guts to tell me to my face but go on about it without me knowing.
I'm not an excellent host, but I can bet on the Size D implants that you're probably dying for, that I've done it a couple of more times. Of course that doesn't actually mean that having done it more times qualifies me as a better host that you might be. (if you've actually hosted an event that is)

It isn't often that I'll throw my credentials in your face.
So honestly, I will take pointers (if you have any) on being a better host (in your eyes! because aren't we all dying for you approval, Rachel Lim?)
If you can point out to me, exactly where I went wrong and how, I will take this blog post down.
Being "bimbotic" does NOT count.

First of all,
I readily admit that I'm a bit of a bimbo. Anyone who knows me in real life could have pointed out to you that my onstage personas are, more often than not, mixed with the me that I am.
Secondly,
maybe I WANTED to be incredibly bimbotic just to get the attention I required to make the necessary announcements.
Thirdly (my last point, but not the last of possible points!)
Being bimbotic does not classify someone as being a bad host.
Especially because I mean HOST and not an Emcee at a school event where all you have to do is announce the next item and end off with a lame joke that everyone clears their throat at.

A bad host would be someone in the audience who points out what a bad job the host is doing, but should that duty/privilege be chucked to that someone,
that particular someone would fail miserably.

Rachel my dear, maybe you CAN host and emcee and whatever.
I really don't know, because I haven't actually seen you anywhere. (Mustn't forget the subtle stab here!)
If you CAN do a better job, then Kudos to you sweetheart!
If you CAN do a better job, I'd love to see your pointers on how I can improve or how I might be a better host.

I'm really not saying that winning a couple of first prizes in public speaking competitions
OR being an actual public speaking coach
OR being able to memorize an entire script in less than ten minutes
OR IN FACT, being on stage more times in the last year than you probably ever will in the next five years your entire life makes me a better host.

But what I am saying my dear, is that I made an effort.
The script was only completed less than three days before the event.
I stayed up til 4.30am right before the event to tidy the script up and think of witty things to say to make people laugh.
Jokes that, of course, probably flew right over your little Singaporean head

At the end of the day,
saying "I personally felt she was a bad host" would have saved you and I this bullshit.
But as is.
You thinking that I didn't make a fantastic host doesn't mean that I wasn't a fantastic host.
And it certainly doesn't mean that I was a "HORRIBLE HOST" either.
Because even though I might not have been great, I did my best which is (I will pointedly say) better than you could be.

After all,
I'm not the one who was in the crowd, jeering, because I had nothing better to do.

Being on stage comes with the need to adopt a persona (I emphasize this point because whether or not I'm a bimbo in real life doesn't really matter. And it's a point you should know because you probably will never get a chance to find out for yourself, you see)
it also comes with the need to have awesomely thick skin, and the knowledge that some people will like you and some people won't.

I hardly mind people not liking me or disliking my hosting (cos it's not like I know them or will ever see them again) but what you said was pretty uncalled for.
It's not like we don't know each other or haven't spoken before, and it's not like I've hated you or done anything to piss you off.
Or have I? Because if I have then it's a different story altogether!

Anyway, I've let off more than enough steam already.

Like I said,
if in your possibly slightly delusional, fantastical world, you can do an insanely better job and host a show where the ENTIRE AUDIENCE is in love with you and appreciates your jokes and NOT A SINGLE MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE dislikes you, then I probably am not in the audience, along with nine-tenth of the entire world and their soft toys.
IF you thought you could've done a better job and made every single one of the people at Zouk that day love you, then I'd like you to keep thinking that.
But I never hope you'll find yourself in a real-life situation because if that's all you think it's going to take, then you're missing the ear plugs, blindfolds and the glass bubble with a mirror facing yourself.

It is NOT that easy Rachel.
I could have been in a potato sack with hair styled by a blind hairdresser and I still would've done better than you.
Want to know why?
Because I actually tried, and put effort into doing my job.
And then, I did it.
Which is more than I can say for you.

So a quick-tip:
Shut the lid to that trashcan on your pretty face and you can write it down in your journal as having done me a favour.


Ta!