Monday, December 26, 2011

rocky roads

Jessica Savitch once said, "No matter how many goals you have achieved, you must set your sights on a higher one."
And to this, I say, No. No you don't.

I have spent too long finding that no matter how hard you push yourself, no matter how far you have come, there is still more that you can do. There is still that much better you can be. There is still so much that you haven't achieved yet. There is still so much space between you and being enough.
I'm sure she didn't mean to say don't acknowledge your achievements. In fact, I'm sure lots of people who live by this rule don't mean to say you haven't come a long way. But constantly reaching for higher goals is not going to make one happy, not when you spend so little time being glad at what you've done and what you've got.

There's a huge difference between being unmotivated and satisfied, a huge difference between being content and settling for less. At the end of the day, isn't it about what makes you happy?
If you're not happy where you are, whether in terms of career or social life or weight, then figure out why and then do something about it. But also, learn to stop for a minute and take it all in.
It's funny, what a fine balance it is.

I guess coming from where I do, it's just painful knowing how many there are out there who hinge their self worth on their success or lack thereof.
Yea, yeah, I get it. Keep your head up, your eyes on the goal, keep pushing for more. But some people get all the way there and find they want to backtrack. Or they get all the way there and find that there's no where else to go. And what happens then? Do you stop and feel sad and unmotivated?
Sure, I mean, there's always that bit more you could've done. Always. But if it's something one lives by, I just think you end up going through life not being quite satisfied with what you have. And that's almost as bad as not being satisfied and being highly unmotivated to do anything about it.

I'm tired, mostly. Of this constant feeling like, even if you set yourself realistic finishing lines, there's always one more coming up that you could reach.

I liken all of this to my running-
I don't have a specific stop point, whether in time or in distance. In fact, to be honest, because I hardly use a jogging track, I don't bloody know how far I've run. My only gauge is time.
Whenever I say, "This is a fifteen minute run," I find that I hang on to that, resenting my run and just looking forward to the end point. And I either collapse inches away from that end point or I am cruel and say, "A little bit more. Right up to that pillar, that tree, that fire hydrant."
But on days that I have time and just say, "I'm going for a run" with no beginning or end point, I run longer, farther, sometimes faster. And I am happy.
I think that counts for more- whether that run turns out fifteen minutes or fifty. Because I didn't build myself up to let myself down. I just did what I felt like.

And a lot of times, that's actually okay.

No comments: