Sunday, January 1, 2012

baby steps

I've always been sappy about New Year's- I believe how you spend that first bit of the new year is a peek into the rest of it.
So, just like I hoped, my New Year's was nice and quiet. But more than that, it was the loveliest, loveliest New Year I've had in quite a while. Not just a-year-type of a while but, honest to God, a while.
This was the last New Year, this was the year before (the frame of mind I was in and not so much what I was doing. at all.) and this was New Year's two years ago (leading into 2009).

If my New Year's Eve and New Year's Day is anything to go by, it's looking like a lovely 2012 coming up. We spent it watching half of The Runaways over pizza and where we didn't finish that movie, we watched the back half of Watchmen. Bits of it, for me. It was family- Mommy, Janice, Erika and Buttons. And I got to be comfy and snuggle up and we had Christmas pudding which mommy served the traditional way- by pouring brandy over and setting it alight. We didn't countdown ( I can't remember the last time I did that), it was more like, "One Minute Left!" And mommy had the glasses out and the bottle of champagne just waiting to be popped.

And then, just like the digits on clocks change every time you're not looking, it was 2012.
Janice saw me stealing a New Year's kiss-on-the-cheek and went, "Make out!" But we passed on that, and so no, I haven't actually gotten my first New Year's Kiss where the moment the clock hands meet, there's this crazy amazing kiss with poppers and streamers and fizz from champagne and balloons going up everywhere.
But I had fireworks going off in my head from that one-second kiss, and that was enough for me(:

So just like that, we were in the new year and the champagne was a bit too sharp for our liking and only just bearable. And I got to fall asleep in brand new satin-smooth cotton sheets, safe, deliriously happy and cuddled up. The year should go like that- just the right amount of junk, dessert and wine, family time and feeling like I wouldn't rather be anywhere else in the world if not with this person I'm (clearly) quite taken with.

2011 wasn't a major, major year for me, if you know what I mean. But it's certainly been eventful; having more than its fair share of ups and downs, relapses (of varied nature), rocky patches and late nights spent crying over things I couldn't even place.

Summing up my entire year in just five pictures, so I don't bore you half to death,

Kuo Chuan Presbyterian Drama Club
Singapore Youth Festival 2011- Twisted

Perth with Erika, June 2011.
A much needed break from work, also marking the end of my full-time work with InwardBound. Also had me finding a new country and place to really like. Which resulted in awful post-holiday blues.

Bird flying home on a whim that (I believe) was what she really needed and, coincidentally having Dory pop home too.

Growing, talking with Mitchell (bottom right) and having conversations with Nora, my boss for the last four years now, that I file away for future reference.

Seeing my cousins this Christmas after more than a decade apart. We've grown a bit, I think. Just a bit.


Thanks here is due, to a whole lot of people. And because I don't very often, I'd like to here-

My family:
Mommy and The Little Creature, for being so immensely supportive about school. For being two of the very few, and from when I first brought it up, to tell me how much the former TTRP, now Intercultural Theatre Institute suited me infinitely better than La Salle. And even when I'd said yes to La Salle (and these days, Yes costs money), telling me that if ITI is what I want, then I should try for it- even if it doesn't promise me a place just yet.
You two were a major reason I chose to say no to La Salle and go with my gut. Even though my gut was actually a bit weak. The both of you have also been a source of encouragement in a lot of areas besides school, and I am grateful for you both very much.

For being my pillar of strength, my healthy dose of reality and practicality, and just being an amazing support to me all the time. At the peak of SYF, you were the one telling me to slow down, to find time for me. You saw me through quite a few things- my relapse into bulimia being one of them. You were around for my shitty days as much as you were around for my happy days and most importantly, you were around for those moments before I even saw myself falling apart until I was sitting in your bed and talking and bawling and bawling and talking. Thank you, for giving me hugs whenever I've needed them, for finding time for yoghurt and playgrounds amidst your schedule. For always asking me what you can do to make things better, for holding my hand when I'm scared and for always wanting to be around for me. A lot of things are a whole lot more bearable, because of you. You're the world to me and I love you. Please know that.

My bestest friends in the world:
Vicky, Bird, Dory, Eme and Vic, for being my go-to-people. For making me laugh incessantly at stupid things, for the times that we get to spend just sitting around being absolute idiots and blowing bubbles until it's half two in the morning. Bird and Vv, for being close enough to call and cry and text, even though it's quite apparent that we've all got our own shit going on a lot of the time. Dory, for suddenly appearing back in Singapore when we least expect it (omg, you have no idea how happy it makes me- I pretend you've never left). Eme, for being considerate and constantly being the butt of our jokes. You truly are beautiful in your beastliness, please know that. Victor, for even now, being that one person I can call and say, "Are you home?" And meet up with you and not talk about what's bugging me. For being the one who knows exactly when to take the cigarettes away from me and when to let me ruin my good streak. For being around, and still (though it was just a once- off this year) showing me pretty places and having me remember that there's still very much that part of me that sits on balconies and smokes too much and pretends that I can make it go all go away by not talking about things.
Thank you, because I don't know where I'd be without the five of you.

For being an amazing boss, an amazing friend and an amazing mentor. For telling me and making me believe just how much more I am capable of. For guiding me, for teaching me, for telling me my skirt is too short. You're an inspiration, and I hope you never forget that. I wouldn't have been ever been able to hold on, and push myself as far as I have, if not for you.

For being that person who I get to talk endlessly about theatre with. For taking my bitchy side as much as I take your asshole side. For not judging me for it. For bitching with me. For talking with me. For hours I can spend talking about things that are so, so impossibly close to both our hearts. For bringing me to the realization that it is Singapore Theatre that runs through my veins before any other theatre scene. For understanding a lot of my opinions and ideas, even if we hold different beliefs about certain things.

For keeping me in mind when you go to new, lovely looking places. For showing me pictures, for giving me snippets of home that make me ache but make me smile at the same time. For time we've spent on skype or on the phone. For your amazing letters and gifts and being one of those people, too far away from me that I find I miss on a random day. For your insanely hilarious and entertaining tales about housemates and trips. For being that person who, despite going off to study accounts (as opposed to say, architecture), has gone on to find more things to be wowed by. For including me in little day-to-day things, like the cooking of your asian meals and the sniffing of your medicated oil.

My Kuo Chuan Babies:
For just being absolutely amazing teenagers. For that birthday surprise you gave me this year that absolutely made my day. For trying so, so, SO hard, during SYF. For always wanting to do more, to try harder, to be better, to be more. I love you guys for that. Yes, it didn't start out altogether easy and we took a while to get where we did. But you have to know, that I am so, so impossibly proud of all of you. That every time I speak of you, I still smile. That you have grown into such amazing people and I am glad that I got to take such an insanely amazing journey with you. Spending as much time as I did with you, allowed me to watch you guys change and become the people you are today. And damn, you ought to be as proud of yourselves as I am of you. Because that performance you gave, that day on SYF, that was amazing and I couldn't have ever, ever asked for more.
Please, promise me you'll keep growing, that you'll keep trying, that you won't ever stop being the amazing people you are.

For all the rest:
The people I've met, whether by chance, accident or in (your) drunken stupor- through parties, projects or in bar fights that I've never been in, for people I've been close to before but could only meet up with a couple of times this year-
Thank you for just being around. For talking when you have and giving my life just that bit more than work.

Last, but most definitely not least,
Who has been with me through every step of the way. Who has moulded me, guided me and granted me peace whenever I'm shitting in my pants. Who has opened my heart and ears to Him, who has continued to help me grow, painful as it sometimes might be. For being with me as I auditioned, as I got my acceptance letter and as I got my scholarship award. This, all of this, none of it could have been without You.


It's going to be a very new, very different, very trying sort of year. There'll be so much adjusting, so much to get used to and so much more to be afraid of.
But, as with every year that comes, I'll just throw myself head in and see what comes of it.

Happy 2012 all of you(:

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