Eyes wide shut and dreaming wide awake

That's the thing about falling in love though, isn't it?
When the time comes, it's so hard to leave. Even though you're supposed to. Even though possibly, right now isn't the time.
And even though you know there are some things you just have to wait out.

That's the other thing about falling in love.
You tell yourself you won't. You tell yourself not to do it. You tell yourself that you've done this enough and that when it comes time, you're going to pack your bags full of memories and resentment and all the rest of the love you've got that you shouldn't give away, and you're going to walk through the swinging doors back to your life.
Except.

Except she'll walk through the open door, into the room you've both shared, and hold you, and ask you what's wrong. And you'll look up at her and wonder why you can't stay here. Just the two of you, here, for two seconds longer than you're supposed to.

But then, I guess that's also the thing about love-
That she'll hold you even when you're preoccupied with being sad. That she'll remind you that you'll possibly both come back here, maybe.
That she's holding your hand, bringing you through to the other side when you're straining to look behind you until there's nothing left to see.

At least, not for a while.

Wintery nights, somewhere far away.

Every once in a while, you see that the world is very, very big. You, on the other hand, are very very small.

And then there are some nights, where that's all you feel. More than anything else. You feel alone, and you feel scared and when that happens, even though you can't say it out loud and might never figure out how to, you're hoping with the entirety of the small, insignificance that you are, that the person falling asleep next to you might just possibly hold you, and make you feel safe or less alone.
That this person might be all you need to forget, for a little bit. Because being curled up here, in this warmth and safety and comfort is all you need for a while.

But then those are far, far too many expectations to have, and way too much dependency than one could possibly be comfortable with admitting to.
Every once in a while you see that the world is very, very big.
And you, are very very small.


Sent from my iPhone

Step One

It's a holiday. Supposedly.
I almost wish I wrote earlier, so I don't end up sounding like i'm perpetually sad.

But long story short, it's been a turbulent last few days to say the very least. And no, sometimes, I think I don't know how we got here either.
Yet here we are, and tomorrow morning we embark on our voyage into the unknown. Into all the things we've been kept safe from.
Into what we've been holding out for, for a while.



Sent from my iPhone

The music playing on

For only two 

We're all commas and ellipses- trailing off, coming back, getting to know each other in the spaces between our words.

I got started on wondering...

When is it exactly that people continue having conversations but stop listening to each other? Or worse, decide that what the other has to say isn't of any importance, and so, stop. 

It feels like such a gradual, almost inevitable thing- how conversations quietly shift into being about the groceries, whether the cat is fed, if we should cook the next time we pop by my Mom's place. And I think, I'm wondering if there are parts of me afraid of how easy it is to stop taking people in for who they are and, in the case of Significant Others, just always being caught in conversations that revolve around the to-do list on the fridge. 

I hope we don't wake up one day to find ourselves there. 

I want to spend as much time as I can/as it needs, getting to know you. And then after, I want to know more..

Like a breath of fresh air

So quite a few things have happened in the last week and a half.

One of them being that I've just come on board as one of the female leads in an upcoming tv series called What Do Men Want.
It's an exciting, relatable, funny string of episodes put together by Christian Lee and Jason Chan of BananaMana, who wrote and will be directing this series. And who, as if all that isn't enough on their plates, will also be playing our male leads.
I swear to God, I don't know how people like them do it- do so many things all at once.
And speaking of doing many things at once, to my right is Glory Ngim, who plays the other female lead in What Do Men Want. She too is heavily involved in theatre and lots of other projects at the same time, and while I am mostly in awe of this team who juggle acting, writing, family life and being a normal (kind of), sane (almost) person, it's also nice to know that I'm in the same space as people who are just as committed to their craft.

SO YES!
We've just come together for the first bout of photoshoots, styling, interviews and talks about the show. We're set to shoot in just a week, and will be out by the time September/October rolls around.
I'm incredibly psyched- it feels like a bit of an adventure we're going on, and I can't wait for all of you to see it(:

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Work aside,
there's been... well more work, but a different sort.
Ms C's Little Blackbox had officially come around. And I'll be talking with people about workshops I can run, whether in Singapore or otherwise, which is most exciting indeed.

Wish me luck!

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And then, just like that, we're five days away from hopping onto a plane to Perth.
There's a whole lot waiting for us on the other side (including my best friend in Melbourne who I'm dying to see), and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of it.

Getting comfortable isn't always good, and I think it's about time to take myself outside of here.

So.
Ready, get set,
go(:

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"But that's not the best part. I mean, the best part, is that you get to go on an adventure. Together."

If this, is giving up..

There's still a little bit of your taste,
in my mouth
There's still a little bit of you laced
with my doubt
It's still a little hard to say
What's going on

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We're always going to wish for someone to come right out and say it-
all the things we should be,
to be exactly what they need.


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I'm tired too.

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The problem with good acting, is that it's always real.

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I want to know, who's gonna save me?

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Life,
it taught me to die

And it's not hard to fall,
when you float like a cannonball

It feels like I've been wrong.
All week.
Everything I've done has been wrong.

And while I know, that's kind of besides the point, I can't help feeling-
when will it feel like I'm actually doing something right?