Thursday, July 22, 2010

Because it makes sense to.

"Do you trust me?" A simple enough question,asked openly, honestly.
And I'd answered immediately, without even having to consider my answer and what she may or may not do with it.
I was somewhat taken aback by myself I suppose. But then, you always come to realize things about yourself every now and then.

"And why's that?" She asked softly.
Without quite knowing why, my voice caught and my chest knotted.
My answer came to me then, and I could not find a reason for this random choking up.
And so I told her, best as I could, best as I knew how- as open as I could possibly be.
And I felt everything fall into place, knowing with every bit of me that I meant what I was saying.

Is a funny thing sometimes,
this trust.
Especially when we search for reasons that aren't there.
Or when, perhaps, we find that one believes because there wasn't a reason not to.
Because at some point or other, your reason will come.
Your reason to not believe, it will come,
Whether or not you want it to, whether or not you're looking for it.

And if your reasons for believing aren't based on something that doesn't threaten to collapse under the sheer weight of truth,
Then I think it'd be quite the expectation to find yourself in a mess of sorts.

But then, sometimes, just sometimes,
Someone comes along, leaving you flummoxed at your sudden inability to phrase yourself.
And you find that you believe, not because there isn't a reason not to, but rather,
Because something or other just sorta fits.
Like it makes sense.
Like it wouldn't make sense otherwise.

And this,
This not having a reason, it can be a tad perturbing, just sometimes.
But I think maybe,
It's just about time that I learnt to trust myself too.

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