so courage, teach me to be shy

Cannonball - Damien Rice


there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what's going on

there’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
there’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that I can´t say what´s going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

--------------

It's been a long week.

Three different types of cereal sit on my microwave, my toilet was (until ten minutes ago and my mother's awesomeness) clogged up, and Heather has decided that she cannot connect to the internet. Buttons got her first bath in a week and a half, I learnt that unless I bring lots of tissue, I cannot watch the Bec & Ross show, Enqing bought me replacement-sunglasses (which I STILL feel he shouldn't have! but thanks a mil though:)), and six different classes got graded on their 10-minute plays.

When I first started out, I thought my grading was a bit too strict and rather unreasonable. So I eased up and then I realized that this time round, I've been quite lenient.
Anyway, found the time to pop by the Esplanade Waterfront for Bec & Ross. It was riveting, and utterly fantastic. Vicky, Bird and Ilona dropped by and were just fantastic company, so it was nice to know that they loved the show too(:

Today was a gorgeous end to the weekend and I loved every bit of it.
Buttons is thoroughly tired out from running around the worship team while they sang and I think Victor might've gotten a couple of bruises. (I feel really awful about that! )): )

So a new week's up, and hopefully it'll be a lot better than the last and hopefully, I'll be able to live through it to tell you if it is.


falafels!

me too.
But I'm trying to remember which one came first.

Αύγουστος'

This is what I learnt today:
There are 36,360 inches in a mile
You don't have to keep filling up your time
August is the month with the highest number of births
August, in Finnish, is called elokuu, meaning "month of reaping" or literally, "month of life"

Here's what I already knew:
Elephants can smell fermented fruit from miles away, and most elephant stampedes are caused by drunk elephants
Minnows have teeth in their throats
Kermit the frog is left-handed
Toilets flush in the key of E-minor
August is beautiful
and Mothers aren't just the people who give birth to you, they're the people you want to grow up to be

I'm feeling incredibly frustrated with myself today.
I was happy, then I wasn't. I was indecisive. I gave in to being tired and grotesque.

I could tell you random things though.
Like how I've finished reading Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care and how she's the only one who can make me cry within the first two pags.
Or how my baby girl has gone half mad for some reason or the other and is determined to have us lose our sanity.
Or how my gums ache and hurt because they're bruised in the two places where my toothbrush slipped.
Or how, after everything, I just feel. drained.
Drained and tired.

The whole train-ride home, all I wanted to do was curl up on my tiny bed and cry.
It's been a while,
but I need a hole to crawl into now.

And holes are always nice

Meet Buttons <3 and another daily rant about how I shouldn't rant.

Showing off her adorable little bikini
My little poseur!

"Mommy, whatcha doingggg?"

She was a wee bit hyper in the middle of the day. It was alright until she started jumping at my pens and mauling everything while I sat down to get some work done.
So I told her off and gave her ten seconds to get her act together, after which she curled up and promptly fell asleep.

It's been a pretty uneventful day although I must say that I certainly am quite happy with the amount of work I've done.
For starters, I got my pudgy, untanned bottom off my bed where I've been watching endless episodes of How I Met Your Mother (and finished Season one, mind you!) and I settled to get started on my modules for that degree I never talk about until asked.

It's been less motivating since I've thought about the one module that I HAVE TO TAKE (Computer and System Administrations or something) and which all my cousins say you have to sit through. And although I said I might just pay Victor to help me do it all, I realized that I'd still have to go down to take my exams. Bloody Hell.
Also, I decided to stay an extra year in Singapore because I really am that in love with my company and my job.

So all in all, between looking after my baby and watching TV series on a burnt disc (Kudos to Enqing!) and buying more Jodi Picoult books (amongst others) to excuse myself from school work,
nothing's been done for about, lemme see, By Golly, two months!

Fortunately it's a Public Speaking Module.
Which, although very very VERY dry and factual, will actually help me in my work.
For instance, did you know that most people suffer from Public Speaking Apprehension? And on top of that, 15% in the US suffer from extreme cases.
Also, you can use nervousness to your advantage as long as you know how to handle it and yourself.

Also, quite an important point in public speaking, is listening.
So the last chapter that I just read up on, was all about listening.
We spend 41%-60% or more of our communication, listening.
However, only about 50% of that is understood and retained. And only 25% after 48 hours.
Sweet Jeebus, eh?

I've been at it from about two right up til five.
Of course, with decent breaks in between and Buttons sitting on my textbook to clean herself. (What the? yeah, I know)

Well, that's one assignment down and it's nice to know that I've got the time to sort out the rest.
Guess I'm going to pass on walking Homer today. Haven't really felt like it. But then, I didn't nap either.

So, I'm just going to stop here for my daily prattle about schedules that do not interest you in the least!

I was about to say "Hope everyone's March Hols have been fab!" Except there's just the handful of JC friends who probably spent half their hols studying and the other half partying WHILE worrying about how much more they've got to study.
It's funny how my holidays barely match up with anyone. But what's funnier is how I used to skip school like crazy because I couldn't be bothered to wake up, and here I am going to certain schools at 7.30am to teach.

"Our God is a very humourous God honey," Mommy always says.

So with the end of the term, there're a couple of schools left to wrap up.
The first one we've already wrapped up is CHIJ Kellock. My adorable bunch of seven year olds who always made me forget that I was prancing around at 7.45 in the morning.
I'll post vids and pictures up soon(: Promise.

Next up on the "To Wrap Up" list is Swiss Cottage. They aren't a bad bunch and they're really good, although their location is incredibly far from home.
It's quite sad, really. This week's our last lesson and it's the grading and review.

RVH wraps up next week. And I'll have to say byebye to a bunch of incredibly smart students. (omg, you seriously wouldn't believe).
ps: thanks for my early birthday present, Gina and Joanne!

Anyhoos, it's the start of a new week and it's back to work and school for most of us.
We're already into the second Sem, the end of the year doesn't feel all that far away.
On the definite up-side,
there's still half a million countries to go see this year! (okay, no, not really. But like at least two or three more for sure!)


all my love, hugs and strawberry kisses!

Buttons

So my baby girl is asleep in her new basket.
I'm such a proud mommy!
Grandma wanted to give baby a treat for peeing straight into the drainhole, unaware that she's been doing that for a while now.
She learnt it from watching the water travel straight out of the pipe and into the drain and proceeded to copy.
Now say Awwwwwwwwwwww


Buttons is an adorable little Mommy's girl. She wakes herself up from her nap just to sit outside and doze off outside the toilet while I'm taking a shower.
Then she follows me back to bed.
And, she waits til the middle of the night to snuggle up!

My baby girl's well on her way to growing up though, mind you!
She just dropped her first tooth!

(Clearly, I am very in love with her)

It's one of those days. again.

Birthday-Day

claaaaasic.
Thanks you, Enqing, who was the photog for this series of shots and who was adamant on not ever having a picture of him in glasses((:
eme: Sniff. Stop it Aunty Anne, you can never beat me at being unglamorous.
eme: omg, amateurs!
Yes this is in very random order. Cake cutting while they doze off. hahahah



Fantastic cake
and then victor morphed into a greyhound.

pictures of the picture-taker.
Well, one of them anyways!


see-taw-belleh
Vees.


It was a brilliant birthday for me, even though I didn't want it to be too much of a hoopla.
But mommy never lets it go by with anything less.
I loooooved my presents this year!
This entire little party at Luxury Living (a lovely place to drink but which you shouldn't get drunk at) was mommy's present.
The Little Creature pooled with V and Eme for my FUCKING GORGEOUS PINK CAT CARRIER. I need a pic of that asap.
IT IS FUCKING PRETTY, I SWEAR TO GOD!
Enqing MADE (yes, you read right, MADE) me a bracelet and matching earring set in my favourite colour, and a super duper cute card.
And Victor's present just got delivered today! It's a scratch post for Buttons! It's a perfectly adorable little thing in black and orange and just, incredibly pretty.
Buttons loves it. But I'm preeeetty sure I love it more. hahaha
And I'm quite sure i love the pink kitty-carrier more than she does!
Also, way before my birthday, my RVH students made me a card and got me a pair of earrings((:

All in all, I had the most brilliant birthday presents and our little affair was absolutely awesome.

Thank you to everyone who came, to those who helped out, to those who planned and pretended and called and said "OH SHIT" before hanging up. To everyone who sent well wishes and birthday greetings and prayers and called in to say hi, to anyone who thought of doing that but didn't and to Buttons for being a good girl in the morning(:

It was an utterly brilliant day and I loved every single bit of it.
Mommy was right though, the only way for me to keep her birthday present this year, is in an imaginary box in my brain(:

I'm happy with the couple of birthday presents I got myself (I know, right)
One of which includes my website (ahmahgad, thanks again Vic) and Buttons aaaaaaand...
Ma, meet Grace. Her name's pronounced Charis too.





PS: You're right Ann. haha
xoxo

Steinway Grands, so quiet and still

Love Theme (Piano) - Romeo and Juliet Soundtrack Vol 2

Ten years ago I had my first birthday where I had to celebrate it with one parent at a time.
My mother brought me to my classmate's place. She too was celebrating her birthday, except she lived in a big house with twinkling lights and both parents.
All my classmates were there and she had a big, lovely cake.

Mommy was an absolute darling. She too bought me a huge cake.
It was a 101 Dalmatian cartoon cake, with one of the puppies on the front. It was big enough to feed the forty kids, the adults and more.
The host/host's daughter had her cake brought out first of course. It wasn't as lovely as mine, I must say. Mine had a puppy on it.
Well they sang the songs, she blew out the candles and cut the cake.

Then my enormous cake was brought out and laid, in all its glory, on the table.
We stood around it and they all sang Happy Birthday.
I don't think I remembered, for that while, that it was my first birthday celebration with just one parent.
So the birthday song ended and, before I could even take a deep breath to blow out my candles, a fat girl beside me, also a classmate, promptly blew them out.
I looked up at mommy, teary eyed.
The adults thought it was funny.
"Oh isn't it funny! Aiyohh, ger ah ger, not your burfday lehh."

"Silly girl, don't cry now." Mommy told me, grabbing a lighter. "Mommy'll just relight it for you, then you can blow it out!"
She relit the candles and I distinctly remember throwing a sidelong glance at the fat girl. Lets call her A. I threw a glance at A, almost as if daring her to do it again, then I blew out my own candles.

But it was different. It's always different.
The second time round. I didn't get to properly blow out my own candles. It doesn't matter that they were relighted for me to blow out, I didn't get to blow them out the first time round.
She has her own birthday every year, her own candles to blow out, and Goddammit, both parents to stand around and smile lovingly.

So, no, I'm not over it.
We were classmates up until we were nine, and when we were thirteen, we were in the same class again. I don't hold grudges, I'm too lazy. But this was, is, one that I've never forgotten.

I don't know why I'm talking about it now. It feels very silly.
But it was something that affected me like a pms-ing bitch.

The host's domestic helps didn't think to keep the box of the cake, either.
And because they'd all dug into the first birthday cake, they hardly had space for mine.
So I couldn't bring it home, and mine was chucked.

It was nice, for a while. Because at least there was a party, although not my own.
Leaving my friend's huge house and walking out to the main road, was sort of like pulling me out of a dream. And I was suddenly very aware that the day wasn't going to last forever.

I went home to an angry father who was furious that he couldn't spend his daughter's birthday with her and he swore he'd never let my mother take me out again if she was always going to bring me back so late.
Daddy had left my birthday present on my table. And I opened it carefully. I was never one who ripped presents open. It was a music box in the shape of a grand piano. And it tinkled with Romeo & Juliet.

I thanked Daddy, said goodbye to Mommy and spent the rest of the night in my room.


It's not as far away as it sounds. A decade suddenly doesn't seem that long, and well, ten year marks bring their fair share of tears. When I was younger I went through a phase where I never cried. I just clenched my fists really hard, my nails digging into my palms until the pain numbed and left a ringing.

But I guess it's nice to learn now that I'm not too old to cry, or to hurt or to remember.

filling in the spaces

r


ahmahgad!
have i not blogged at all since I've been back?

Stupidly enough, I was just about to rant and rave about people who hardly ever update their blogs. What rubbish i say!
Then I went to my own blog (which i like to think i regularly update) and TADAH,
something from a million years ago.

So work's been awfully busy since I got back.
Having Buttons (yes that's her name now) is almost like really having a baby. (Dammit, can you imagine when I really DO have a kid? Christ!)
She catnaps, so she keeps waking up at random hours and starts attacking imaginary bits of hair that desperately try to escape her claws.
She does curl up with me at night though, and is a perfect angel. Save for her obsession with my hair and catching it, oblivious to scratching my face.

I've hardly had time to sit at the computer. Heather goes unused and untouched for days, save for Buttons sleeping on top of her because she's warm.
On the whole, I'm either too busy or too tired.
"You've no life cos of work," Bird says. Which is true, but I don't hate it and quite love it, actually.

So, my lovely excuse for the lack of blogging.
Bangkok was fantastic, save for them confiscating my liquids. This included my Victoria Secret Shaving cream. But c'mon, it's cream, not liquid! AND IT'S VICTORIA SECRET.
i swear to God, she just wanted to chuck it because I kicked up a fuss.

It's the first day of hols, and as it turns out, I didn't have to work!
Yay Me!
So I slept in til noon (and I haven't done that since I cannot remember) and spent the day watching How I Met Your Mother and kissing my baby girl at the end of every episode.
It was pouring today. Lovely lazy day.

My room's amazingly tidy, believe it or not. I've even managed to clear out my suitcase from LA!
My my my.

I've got a website in progress, thanks to Veeektor who slogs away while I tell people about the pretty website.
Well, I'm sitting here, with a bleeding headache and gastric and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.
Rather bored, you see.

And mind you, I'm never bored. I don't have time to be bored, and I don't like being bored.
It's quite funny actually.
You spend your days doing so many things that when you finally take a break, you fill it up with other non-work things that need to be done.
Well today's as much a rest as anyone can ask for I suppose.
and tomorrow too.
Tomorrow ought to be lovely, with my collection of new stuffs.
Not to mention my goooorgeous Oreo Cheescake birthday cake from bakerzin!

xoxo