In one of those ideal worlds-

which this isn't, obviously,

people would be able to say, "I want to act, even if it makes me poor!" and jump into it.

People would miraculously be able to do exactly what they want, while juggling family and financial commitments. People wouldn't have nervous breakdowns or go home to abuse of any sort.

We wouldn't constantly have to rush around, in a desperate attempt to find rest.

It's been a surprisingly, no, shockingly empty sort of week. Or weekend, whatever you want to call it. To a large extent, I'm, I don't know what it is- numb, empty, tired, sad. It's sort of all mixed up. I missed a lot of school this week, so I had a heightened awareness of the emptiness I was left with at home.

And then Friday came about, with a renewed sort of energy and that was nice. Cooking at home and having friends over is always nice.

I didn't mind my Saturday either, and it was funny how, as the timings changed, and things moved up, I found myself trying to cram in more things. I'm so used to hustling about that I've forgotten how to breathe. It wasn't until I'd gotten on the bus and the train home that I realized just how tired I was, that I noticed how my legs ached and how much I just really wanted to sit down.

I'm taken aback at this weekend because, most often, it's just this messy rush of choosing people to spend time with, choosing the right time to go out, struggling to find a fraction of a second where I can just stop and slump against a wall. I don't have that this weekend. And you'd think that'd make it easier except-

Well, in one of those ideal worlds, which this obviously isn't,

schedules aren't a problem, and things always fall into place.

But as I've cosied up in my empty apartment, with the telly on (because it makes it sound like the family's around) and surrounded by fresh laundry that I'm working my way through, I've lent thought to the week ahead. Which to be honest, isn't just going to be a week.

Love Song, the musical, goes up in exactly twenty days.

We have just over a fortnight until Tech week.

After the 21st, I have a Kuttiyatam-intensive week that will follow, ending off with three performances in a single day.

Post Modular Lab comes right after that.

And then a week of all the other classes and their assessments that we'll work on.

My stomach has gone back to that oh-so-familiar clench that lurches me into wanting to grab handfuls of free time whenever I can. But I breathe and notice how I woke up with my head heavy and my body aching. Then I breathe again and think, well, this is my last weekend isn't it? It's the last weekend where I will not be rushing around anywhere. Where I will feel like my head's awfully heavy but that it's okay to go into my room for a nap. Where I will get to sit on my couch, typing away at Maxine and realize, I don't have the lights on but it's bright as day.

Because it is, y'know, bright as day.

And there's a load in the dryer, filling the laundry room with the smell of clean, fresh clothes, and I've got a few hours left to myself.

Even though it's not, y'know, one of those ideal worlds.

This'll do, I believe, this'll do.

So, some Tuesday, and what news it brought-
Some of it comes with a breath of relief, some with immense, immense sadness. The sort of sadness that fills the base of your throat and chokes you up even though you're just listening.

More news that I need to get my head wrapped round though is
1) The performance week of Kuttiyatam has been brought forward. This means that it'll be right around the corner from, if not the same week as, Love Song- the musical I'm currently working on with Ethan.
Oh wait, that's not all! The end of Traditional Theatre marks the week of Post Modular Lab which ends in a final performance and assessment upon which we will be graded.
And right after that will be presentation week for all the other modules.

2) I have just found out that I will not have my Christmas holidays and that the third round of Traditional Theatre (Noh) will begin the day after Christmas!

So.
READYGETSETGO!

The paper and pencils have been packed.

In order of...

well, in some kind of order-

TO DO:

1) Clear out my table

2) Clear out my drawers

3) Make some kind of space so that moving these things out will not look like an obstacle course at 3pm.

Time Frame: Now (11.30-ish am to 1pm. Quite do-able, me thinks)

4) Finish up and sort out TTRP application (THIS IS IMPORTANT. IT IS DUE TOMORROW CHARIS, FOR CHRISSAKES)

Time Frame: 1pm-2.30pm OR Late At Night (need to make that less vague)

5) Make sure I'm all set to go by 3pm.

___________________________________

Tomorrow,

1) Submit TTRP Application

2) Pop by spotlight perhaps. Or Ikea. Get myself new sheets.

3) Set up new room.

On a side note, I should probably get off my ass and get myself moved in on that side.

Maybe I'll do that by Wednesday. Actually I can do that by today, save for the bedsheets. So maybe tomorrow.

We'll see how we go.

Now come Adele, make me happy.

I can't keep up with your turning tables

It's June 24th.

On a Friday.

I've officially been a Freelancer (again) for my second Friday now.

It's not actually work that's stressing me out really, it's everything put together.

It's June 24th, on a Friday.

(Randomly, I was wondering why the 24th seemed to ring some kind of bell and I remembered that it's an old anniversary date. Well, not June. Just, 24ths. Back when anniversaries weren't enough and there were Monthsaries as well. Gawd.)

It's June 24th, on a Friday.

It's the first day this week, the first day since I've gotten back from Perth that I don't have to be out and about. The first day I can spend packing. And I have been. Except, it doesn't quite seem to be doing much.

Like, seriously, where the FUCK does all this crap come from?

We want to move out by month end-

Not entirely impossible, I'd say. But if my rate's anything to go by. Or well, I don't know.

Over the last four, five years, this is the third time I'm moving.

You'd think I'd have gotten used to packing lifetimes into boxes. Hah.

Well, I'm less sentimental now. I've been callously chucking things, ripping them up (it's more satisfying) and brutally hauling out things to give away. I can't be fucked anymore, quite honestly speaking. We probably wouldn't miss half the things if they accidentally got burnt up.

The rate I'm going, I'd say I stand a decent chance at moving out by Sunday.

But there's all the family things too. I don't know how to work this out best, frankly speaking.

With this lack of an outside pressure (which is good but also has its down sides), it doesn't seem likely that there'll be ONE BIG MOVING DAY where people come in and clear out our shit and like it or not, TA DAH-

We're tripping over dustbunnies and half-taped boxes in our new living room.

It's not supposed to be so difficult. And this move is supposed to be nicer, isn't it?

Because it's our place and all and yadayada.

So, a thought-

Maybe If I manage to get my shit together, I can move over first and then come back to clear and help. Because that'll = space = time = extra hands = more incentive for family to join me = less hover-about-type of pressure.

Right? Well I don't know. Just a thought.

So. It's June 24th, on a Friday.

The proposed deadline is Month end, June 30th. That's a Thursday.

Tomorrow, June 25th: I have to be up and around doing something or other for work.

Sunday, June 26th: I'm supposed to have a contractor in to lay down my plinth.

Monday, June 27th: My application for TTRP is due. Oh my God. I need to sort that out.

Tuesday, June 28th: Performance at SDC

Wednesday, June 29th: Surely, surely I've got something on because there is never any peace for the wicked.

Thursday, June 30th: Performance at SDC. Oh wait, is that the deadline for moving?

Friday, July 1st: Audition

Saturday, July 2nd: First Saturday of Term 3 for the children.

There'll likely be a meeting next week then, so that we know for sure what's happening.

So go on, go. Tell me what to do. Tell me, how I might possibly, possibly scrounge together a few minutes to make SOMETHING work.

Fucking hell I need a smoke. Okay, no. That might just be the coffee telling me that.

And then, and then the term will start.

And every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon's not mine. And possibly every Wednesday and Friday afternoon too.

And there won't be anymore Saturday mornings.

If I wanted these six months to take a break,

then why doesn't it feel like I am?

Grow up, C

No, but really,
I'm just being a baby.
I am.

I need to shut up and deal. I really do.

rawr

I would like some order in my life.

I miss Muay Thai terribly, so I will go back to it. That and swimming, and blading, and running now and then (and not from school to school)
Cut out the smokes, and return to the comfy-ness of fish and fruits and fruit juice.
Sugar (in the form of drinks), I will save for the weekends.
I think I've loaded up on enough desserts this last month and a half to last me the rest of the year.

It's taking its toll on me, I swear. And boy, do I feel old saying that.
meow.

I will return to assignments, to flying through them at break neck speed. And there is work, which I feel I should put more heart into.
And there is also Tuesday Tunes, on May 4th,
flea market thingy with Eme and massive blading sessions with Bird, as often as we can before she leaves. Which isn't a long time away.
There are things to pack, things to chuck
and things to write about.

I think I've aaaalmost settled on the font I would like for my major tattoo which I'm getting in just under a month, just needs a bit of artistic input from Moon.

I will move my bed back to its original position eventually, and hope to spend at least my last few months in nice, clean space.

And then, and then, finally,
I will transform into a walrus:D
ORHORH


-------------

So that wasn't me on Incredible Tales, and if you sat through it, I am terribly sorry.
The last I checked, it was supposed to be episode 4, but you never know with these things I suppose.
My eyelids feel drawn to each other. I'm going to pop into the shower and crawl into bed.

There's tomorrow, and tomorrow is a thought to smile at.


xoxo

Homesick.

Even though it's only been a week.

I usually still turn up, even if I were a wee bit ill, but I was so out of it this week that going to work was a bit of a challenge.
So my three/four days of training that I was supposed to go for this week had to be missed, thanks to this darn flu.
I'm supposed to be back at it today, but honest to God, I don't think I can because my chest is aching from blowing my nose too much and I'm still feverish.
EURGH. I hate this!


On the other hand though, the week hasn't been a complete waste because I have managed to get quite a few things done.

-My first Western Civilization assignment, for one. (Although sometimes the problem is that I get so pleased with my self-discipline that I take a three week break)

-That as well as having FINALLYYYYYYYY sent in a few pictures to James after promising to do it within the week. I am disgusting. (since you read this sometimes James, i'm so so so soooo sorry!)

-I also managed to get a nice 2 and a half hour chat with Justin who is miles away,
fit in two auditions (but then the same person was casting for two different things anyway)
and squeeze in two rehearsals before Sunday's performance.

-Lets see. I've also managed to drop 2.5 lbs!

-aaaaaaand, on Monday, when I was sick as a dog, I managed to help Victoria out with her test shoot. Side note: I absolutely looooove working with her cos she's really cute and funny!

-I also finished an entire Huge bottle of Nin jom Pei Pa Kao(that awesome cough syrup thing that I swear by!) within the week, when I bought it on Sunday!

-PLUS, I had a very nice chat with Bird about our next tattoo appointment. I'm just getting two now, instead of three because mommy finds tattooing her name on my ankle would be tacky. And well, it is her name after all! She's sooooo cute and understanding though! She couldn't bring herself to tell me that she thought it was tacky and when she did I was like, "okay, it's alright I won't get it then(:" and she has this pretty smile and she goes, "aww, thank you darling"

And then today, I'll be heading down to renew two of my modules. Serves me darn well right for procrastinating. Chemistry. ugh.
I really wanted to go for Muay Thai dammit! But if I go I'll just pass out.

Okay, rant over!
I was just going over my completed To Do list for the week to make me feel better.

Outstanding To Dos:
1) Send Chris Lee the rough recording of the songs for the mini musical
2) Bathe the furry children
3) Fill out PV and send it in.
4) Finish 2nd Western Civilization assignment (it's not like you've got Muay Thai today anyway Charis)

Muay Thai Gym, I really really miss you):
I looked up Muay Thai Gyms in LA, and there's one that I might just go for, but you know. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME! ARGH.
The only thing I have left from Muay Thai a weeks ago is the huge bruise on my shin. And blue-green isn't really my colour.

okie doke, off to do something productive!

What I want to do from here on in

Kind of like New Year Resolutions but more like a To Do list for myself.
Or like, some vague scheduling thing.
You really don't have to read it, it's more for myself than anything.

pre-list number 1) Stop looking like a drunk ho, even when you're perfectly sober

1) Wear a bra, even when slobbing around at home.
It's only a matter of time before people mistake my boobs for balls hanging low.

2) Clean makeup off properly. PROPERLY, PROPERLY, PROPERLY.

3) Pack for the move.

4) Look at visas, selling my body as well as an apartment that allows for Buttons to live there. (Hello Glenn :D)

5) Rethink selling of body.

6) Don't talk about selling body so often, it makes mommy sad.

7) LOCATE THE CLOSEST VINEYARD CHURCH

8) Do lots of praying: for the move, for the car, for the lessons that I'll take which hopefully will not involve any hospitilization.

9) Clear out stuff, Finish all booze, don't kill the cats (let's see if we can do all three at the same time!)

10) Pick up, pack up and prep for more major projects(((:

11) Try not to die

paws over eyes and the prettiest sighs

THANK YOU VICTOR<3


So honestly, right now I feel really tired. It's just generally been so tiring that it is tiring.
the year's opening up and it's like standing in line outside the doors of Victoria Secret at 6am on Black Friday;
You can't actually see into the shop yet, or see the things you'll be rushing for, but you know when the doors open you've got to CHARGE LIKE HELL.
Oh when will this madness cease!

These are things lined up for me in 2010:
- Finishing of associate's degree. yes i've procrastinated THAT LONG.
It's terrible, and i want to shoot myself. i really do
- work and saving up
- Music EP recorded and released before june
- packing for my move, spending as much time with fishbone as i can
- applications to schools
- complete travel to thailand/australia/hole in the surface of the moon by june
- have sorted out buttons' paperwork
- gotten theeee special tattoos
- one mini-musical
- couple of short films
- theatre productions
- Muay thai fights (lets hope i dont break my nose)

I'm literally falling asleep as i type this, it's crazy.
But I just realized that work is on tuesday and not tomorrow so i'm not fretting as much. besides, it's cat high and i really like cat high(:

I think i'll start with a morning swim and a load of laundry tomorrow.
But right now, incredibly tired.

The festive season has gotten me terribly anti-social, and honestly, all i want to do right now is lounge around with a smoke and some port in my dimly-litted room with nice music and an adooorable meow meow.


excited about living with buttons, having carpeted floors when it's cold outside and making coffee in the mornings and thinking about my day ahead.
^^

three, two and rolling.

Chinatown, Singapore. August 2009

So I've gotten five and a half out of six of the things on my To Do list done.
I stuck the last load of laundry out for just a wee bit more sun (they were already dry but more sun is good) and then, it rained and drenched my clothes.
Brilliant.

So I've to re do that, tidy up my room and do my nails before rehearsals.

To do tomorrow morning:
1) Vacuum and mop the ENTIRE house all over again
2) Set up table and shizz at exactly half past two
3) Bathe the fluffy children so that they're all nice and clean for our guests.
4) Make sure TLC's study table is clean
5) walk dog.
6) start washing machine with children's towels.

do-able(:

rahhh, I feel like I've been racing around and I just feel kind of lazy now.
hahaha

Everything's all set for tonight, I'm very very happy and superbly excited:D
I hope mommy likes!

Okie doke, I've an hour to bathe, clean up my room, do my nails and then go for rehearsals.
aaaaaaaaaaaaah

I am sooo in love with my baby girl!
She sleeps on the table right beside me when I'm using Heather!
ack! Adorable much!

I've got stuff to do.
Like, stuff stuff. Not rolling about and shaving my legs half-heartedly kinda stuff.
But I'm so unmotivated right now!
And WHY HAS IT BEEN RAINING SO MUCH!
I haven't gotten to walk Homer at all in the past week, and today, the sky's grey.
I can't even do laundry!

I'm getting started on Safeville this week.
It's gonna be a loooong looong week for me(:
But I've been looking forward to it since last week. TEE HEE.

The Love of Three Oranges, which baby Vee acted in was great.
(I'm not just saying)
I thought their cover-ups and add-ons were superb. I didn't notice the screwups until Vee told me. See, that's how well they covered it up!
oooh. super faaaaab!

xoxo

Meet Buttons <3 and another daily rant about how I shouldn't rant.

Showing off her adorable little bikini
My little poseur!

"Mommy, whatcha doingggg?"

She was a wee bit hyper in the middle of the day. It was alright until she started jumping at my pens and mauling everything while I sat down to get some work done.
So I told her off and gave her ten seconds to get her act together, after which she curled up and promptly fell asleep.

It's been a pretty uneventful day although I must say that I certainly am quite happy with the amount of work I've done.
For starters, I got my pudgy, untanned bottom off my bed where I've been watching endless episodes of How I Met Your Mother (and finished Season one, mind you!) and I settled to get started on my modules for that degree I never talk about until asked.

It's been less motivating since I've thought about the one module that I HAVE TO TAKE (Computer and System Administrations or something) and which all my cousins say you have to sit through. And although I said I might just pay Victor to help me do it all, I realized that I'd still have to go down to take my exams. Bloody Hell.
Also, I decided to stay an extra year in Singapore because I really am that in love with my company and my job.

So all in all, between looking after my baby and watching TV series on a burnt disc (Kudos to Enqing!) and buying more Jodi Picoult books (amongst others) to excuse myself from school work,
nothing's been done for about, lemme see, By Golly, two months!

Fortunately it's a Public Speaking Module.
Which, although very very VERY dry and factual, will actually help me in my work.
For instance, did you know that most people suffer from Public Speaking Apprehension? And on top of that, 15% in the US suffer from extreme cases.
Also, you can use nervousness to your advantage as long as you know how to handle it and yourself.

Also, quite an important point in public speaking, is listening.
So the last chapter that I just read up on, was all about listening.
We spend 41%-60% or more of our communication, listening.
However, only about 50% of that is understood and retained. And only 25% after 48 hours.
Sweet Jeebus, eh?

I've been at it from about two right up til five.
Of course, with decent breaks in between and Buttons sitting on my textbook to clean herself. (What the? yeah, I know)

Well, that's one assignment down and it's nice to know that I've got the time to sort out the rest.
Guess I'm going to pass on walking Homer today. Haven't really felt like it. But then, I didn't nap either.

So, I'm just going to stop here for my daily prattle about schedules that do not interest you in the least!

I was about to say "Hope everyone's March Hols have been fab!" Except there's just the handful of JC friends who probably spent half their hols studying and the other half partying WHILE worrying about how much more they've got to study.
It's funny how my holidays barely match up with anyone. But what's funnier is how I used to skip school like crazy because I couldn't be bothered to wake up, and here I am going to certain schools at 7.30am to teach.

"Our God is a very humourous God honey," Mommy always says.

So with the end of the term, there're a couple of schools left to wrap up.
The first one we've already wrapped up is CHIJ Kellock. My adorable bunch of seven year olds who always made me forget that I was prancing around at 7.45 in the morning.
I'll post vids and pictures up soon(: Promise.

Next up on the "To Wrap Up" list is Swiss Cottage. They aren't a bad bunch and they're really good, although their location is incredibly far from home.
It's quite sad, really. This week's our last lesson and it's the grading and review.

RVH wraps up next week. And I'll have to say byebye to a bunch of incredibly smart students. (omg, you seriously wouldn't believe).
ps: thanks for my early birthday present, Gina and Joanne!

Anyhoos, it's the start of a new week and it's back to work and school for most of us.
We're already into the second Sem, the end of the year doesn't feel all that far away.
On the definite up-side,
there's still half a million countries to go see this year! (okay, no, not really. But like at least two or three more for sure!)


all my love, hugs and strawberry kisses!

schedule update

SO
I have honestly never felt this tired for the longest time.

I crawled into bed at eleven and still couldn't get up in time to teach. Which also means that I don't see a point in going down to the office (in sunset way!) and back just to drop off stuff.
Which also means that I've suddenly got the entire day free. Which doesn't mean that I am going to go for that audition.
Which basically means that for once I am actually being responsible and rearranging priorities.
Which also means that instead of blogging I should be studying for my Philosophy AND English Midterm WHICH IS TOMORROW.

Fucking hell, so many fucking things to do.
It pisses me off just thinking about it you know.
My toenail feels like it's going to fall off. But then, it's a lot better than yesterday. At least my study session yesterday didn't go to waste. Although, I didn't actually study because I was finishing up work due TODAY.

Now,
Just because you don't give a droplet of shit and I need to clear my head,
I shall proceed to type out my schedule for the rest of my life.
Okay, not really. More like the next four weeks.

----

Today is September 17th 2008.
My modules finish on October 15th 2008.
Which, plus and minus, gives me about four weeks.
FOUR WEEKS TO COMPLETE:
6 assignments
3 projects
4 exams

6 assignments = 3 English + 3 Philosophy
3 projects = Visual Arts = Project 1 + Tour to Art Gallery/Museum + Project 2
4 exams = Philosophy midterm + Philosophy Final + English midterm + English Final

Average= 3 assignments/ 3 thingys a week

THIS WEEK: Philosophy + English Midterm (ONE THINGY SHORT!)
TODAY: Must finish Philosophy assignment 3 (not included in 6 outstanding assignments)

Visual Arts Project 1 expires on Friday, September 19th 2008. Get fucking extension.

Visual Arts is the hardest, so leave all three projects to last one and a half weeks.

NEXT WEEK: September 22nd - 27th 2008
6 assignments + 2 exams outstanding.
MUST FINISH:
2 English Assignments + 1 Philsophy assignment

FOLLOWING WEEK: September 29th - October 4th 2008
3 assignments + 2 exams outstanding
MUST FINISH:
1 English Assignment + 2 Philosophy assignments + 1 attempted Visual Arts Project

WEEK AFTER: October 6th - 11th 2008
2 projects + 2 exams outstanding
MUST FINISH:
1 Visual Art project + 2 exams (October 9th 2008 - Philosophy and English Final Paper)
+ 1 attempted Visual Arts project

Deadline for final Visual Arts Project : October 13th 2008

There we go.

Post October 13th: DISAPPEAR

grunt.

SO,
please don't ask me out or like get me to do you favors like stroke your cat while you're away or feed your fish while you elope.
This feels like Secondary school. TSK
Awfully awfully scary.

But then again, it really is my fault.

The landlady's coming over on Thursday.
I HOPE NO ONE WILL BE HOME TO SEE HER.
I AM NOT TIDYING UP MY ROOM FOR YOU! I WILL ROLL AROUND IN MY PIG STY AND GRUNT IN YOUR FACE.

TIME TO STUDY AND MUG AND NOT HAVE A LIFE NOW!

Lizzy the Lezzie will be my friend only friend):