Sunday, July 12, 2009

Highlighting the truths in your journal

I guess sometimes you just need to be honest with yourself.
It's the whole, "Do you really want to do this?" thing again.
When I talk about being honest, I mean, when you're alone and you don't need to be modest and shit. Ask if you can really do all those things you think you can do.
There's no one around for you to lie to anyways.

I guess, if you're really honest with yourself and what you want to do, then sorting out your priorities are a whole load easier. On the whole anyway, no promises.

So like,
can I write well?
No I can't. Not even to save my imaginary balls.
I like writing, and I love reading. And I also do honestly believe that The Little Creature is a better writer than I am. And no, I don't write well.
I think I've got lots of stories in my head that might turn out to be interesting, but writing it down doesn't do any of them justice.
Swear to God.
At the same time, I really do love writing. But there's a huge difference between liking to do something and being able to do it well.

I pride myself in writing songs that do not talk about stupid mindless nothings. I love singing, and I love songwriting. But does that make me good? No, it doesn't.
I don't think I'm terrible. But you know, there are tonnes of better singers out there.
Plus, I'm insecure and critical.
Liking/ wanting to do something, doesn't mean you're good at it.

I think there is so much more for me to learn. And I'm incredibly excited about the million and one things that I don't know about yet. I am dead keen on crazy-intensive classes that have you frozen in a single position for hours.
And there's just an overwhelming amount of stuff that I want to know more about and want to pass on to kids who want to know.
Am I good? I'm okay
Do I want to be better? Yes
Do I secretly think I'm better than local actors/actresses? Yes.
Because honestly speaking, they suck. Most of the actors and actresses in the mainstream media are so terribly that if I had a penis, it would shrivel up and die everytime I watched local television.

So sometimes, I think I'm quite happy where I am. But actually, I'm not. I think I'm okay because I compare myself to what's around me. And that's not much of a comparison.
What I do like is loving this so much that I know how much more there is to learn but at the same time I do appreciate how far I've gotten.

So lets see, that leaves me with,
What the Fuck am I actually good at?
Feeding Buttons her tablets. TLC and I have gotten it down to two tries. That's good shit.
I'm good at putting outfits together and telling you if your outfit looks like a potato sack.
I'm fantastic at arranging things perfectly and being perfectly matched if I want to.

Can i make a career out of any of this? No.

Now, I think I need to hole myself up and be excited about the things that I actually CAN do.

Oh and by the way, I won't be singing next week.

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