Conversations

I think it's hilarious how sometimes people point out how you don't talk very much to them. How it's like, after so long, they hardly know you sometimes.

"When did that happen?"

"I wish you'd told me." or "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You don't tell me things anymore."

It's hilarious because,

most times, it honestly isn't for the lack of trying.

And after a while,

after trying over and over and getting cut off and digressing or having the other person always always always embark on a, "Omg I know how that feels because once when I..."

It just doesn't make sense to talk anymore, quite simply.

It doesn't even always have to be people one is close to.

In crowds, and large groups of friends of friends or acquaintances or parties or not-really-quite-strangers,

it's amazing how you literally find yourself trailing off mid-sentence. And not feel the least bit inclined to continue with what you were saying because you know for a fact that they didn't give two hoots.

I'm not even beginning to talk about looking bored or not maintaining eye-contact.

I'm talking about how it's become so much a part of so many people that they don't even bother to pretend to have been listening. They cut you off mid-sentence to speak across you, to tell you something new and random, to walk away, even.

And it leaves you thinking, Hey maybe I don't actually exist.

Or better yet,

Hey maybe the person I thought I was talking to, doesn't actually exist.

I mean, this can't possibly be real life, can it?

The last month and three weeks, some parts of today included,

I have just watched (my horror on the inside) streams and streams of people do that.

No I don't need everyone to be even remotely interested in Drama or Theatre. Sometimes I'm not even talking about that.

Sometimes, I'm not even the one talking and I'm watching it happen with other people!

Don't.

Just don't.

Don't start talking about something you're not actually interested in hearing or having a conversation about. Don't pretend and don't talk for the sake of talking, for crying out loud.

Jenny said in our first class, that we're going to go back out into the real world and hate it for its dishonesty.

I never figured it'd be this bad. I mean I've thought about this and written about it in brief before I'm pretty sure. But it's come back to me and I am just, stunned really.

People think that Actors are the best liars.

But they don't understand that they've gotten everything in reverse.

And that the Fourth wall is actually a mirror.