Monday, August 30, 2010

all of me

You don't have to stay forever, I will understand.
Believe me, believe me

I dissect things, chide myself for seeing too much into something, and discount some people's feelings.
Or what they say they feel.
(I just did it again didn't I? Haha)

Oh but really, I don't do it in a sad sort of way.
It's just sort of the way it is.

I've had a couple of conversations this year about not taking things personally.
I suppose I fancy myself the sort who doesn't.
Like, I figure, if you lie or give economical truths, then it's just something you felt you had to do. It's not like I can fault you for that,
It's not like anyone can.

I have a belief, that there will come someone with whom you can be completely comfortable with. Someone with whom you won't feel restless, with whom you won't second guess yourself or the other person.
Call me an idealist or whatever you like, but that's kinda why I don't think marriage is for everyone.
Sure, it takes work. Sure, it takes effort.
But the entire relationship ought to be built on something a bit steadier than time,
Or common interests, or a kid.

I mean, that's why living together sometimes makes heaps more sense than anything else, honestly speaking.
Because even when you've been living together for absolute ages, some part of you (albeit a tiny tiny bit) half wonders if there might come something that'll make you leave.
And it'll be okay to.

And marriage is supposed to be an entirely different ball game-
A flight where you get on, and chuck out the evacuation plan before the plane even takes off.

Minor digression, where was I again? -
That's right.
I think there'll come this one person with whom things just fit.
With whom you don't feel like you might still be in need/want,
With whom things just make sense.
And if you're not the exclusive sort, there will be just this one person with whom you'll want to be exclusive with.
If you're not the sort who likes doing laundry, you'll find you don't mind doing it for two.
Not because the other person changes you in any way at all,
But because it just sort of happens.
If you've never quite been the sort who believes, who takes people's word for it,
There'll be someone you can do that with.
Someone with whom you can fall asleep with, if you're not the sort who usually can.
Someone with whom you can sing with, despite being the sort who hates singing with people.

Or it might be one of those odd things about you-
Like dividing your Big Mac into half by splitting the two patties apart.
And someone out there's going to love you for that.

In the meantime though,
We fumble along.

So sometimes it might seem like I'm quite callous or unbothered,
But I think a lot of it is knowing your stand and how you feel about it.
And the rest of it, is really just taking it as it comes.

In my opinion anyway.

I don't ever know if it'll be enough, most often I don't think it is.
here's all of me.

No comments: