Wednesday, September 22, 2010

it was early this year, i do believe

And so I looked at me, at you,
At how I was beginning to feel and I how I already felt.
And I thought-
Usually, I'd be too lazy to think about this.
Usually, I'd be too lazy to feel the way I do.
Usually, it'd be about time for me to take my leave.
Except something felt different with you, impossibly so.
And I distinctly remember thinking to myself-
When all of this comes to a grinding halt, when real life comes knocking,
When it's time for her to leave and time for me to go,
This will hurt.
This will hurt in all the most fantastically unimaginable ways.

But I wanted to, even if it was just for that tiny space of time.
Somehow, I wanted to. I wanted to give as much as you would take,
Feel as much as I was allowed to, even if it meant having none of me left to hold on to in the end.

And so I did.

Except, you didn't take.
Let me rephrase that,
It's not that you didn't take, it's that you didn't drain me out,
taking what you can just because I might let you.

For some reason,
I can love you and not feel like I am losing myself,
Like there's nothing left of myself to hold on to.

And it's refreshingly different, it is.
When I finally met someone with whom I felt it okay to empty myself out for,
There wasn't anything she wanted from me.

And that's how I figured it was more than just feeling an immense amount for you,
And this,
Is how different you've made things.

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