I felt it coming, the bubbling of feeling that I knew,
I knew would have me doubling up, collapsing.
I knew, and God I tried to brace myself for it; but I should know better by now that it never works.
It caught me unaware, and I found I swayed slightly on my feet.
And then, I can feel myself crumbling; I'm a complete mess on the inside when just a little bit ago, I was all held together.
And I couldn't turn around just then, I couldn't, it was all spilling itself out.
The contents of the box finding its way against the lid and me,
I couldn't get to it in time to keep it shut with the weight of myself.
And I'm burning inside, burning. But I can make it go away for a bit,
I always do. always.
At least until I'm alone.
I don't count on her reading me so well.
And I find, I can't quite hold on to anything, let alone myself anymore.