As it turns out, we were supposed to have started at One (I arrived at 12.55noon, thinking we'd start at half past one and didn't go to the room until then) and ended at half past four ( I don't even know how that makes up four hours, maybe it's me?!)
Okay. So nevermind.
It's the last session anyway. I just don't fancy the idea of having overrun by a full freaking hour.
Erika sent a couple of texts that had me feeling quite a bit better this afternoon. That and the class I suppose. (Funny how you can run away from work by doing more work.)
Then my sad christmas song comes on and I just.have.no.idea.what.to.do.with.myself.
This is impossible.
I don't know what's going on with today, or with me. Or if it's today or just me or all the things I've been blocking out and picking today to come out and make me feel all these things.
On a somewhat different (but sorta related) note-
I had breakfast with mommy this morning (come to think of it, that was the last time I ate) and well I started on the subject of being here. Like, being-being here.
And what she thought, and what she made of it and what (and where) she saw me.
Sometimes it makes sense. Well, makes more sense.
And then sometimes, I can't even begin to think about it.
But you see, Home is where you make it out to be- at least for the most part. I think what you feel about the place counts a whole lot, I really do.
And maybe I'm still only just getting used to/getting over the idea that UK/the States don't necessarily have to be where I end up in the long run.
Basically, at the same time, I'm sort of weighing things out in a way I've never done before.
So this conversation thing (it wasn't very in-depth at all really, just a casual mention), I was thinking about it a bit as I worked through my mess somewhere between 10.58am and 1.30 in the afternoon.
I don't know where I stand or what I'm thinking right now.
But I'll go sit somewhere, get myself a coffee and do work.
Or get myself a new piercing.
And do work of course.
I'm thinking about it.
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