it's been so long, I can't believe it hasn't been longer

I weaned myself off what used to be an entire list of my daily reads. I wanted to know, but at the same time, it didn't seem to be doing me very much good.

Then here I am, almost a year on and.

On one hand, I can't believe it's been so long. They've grown so much already, in this short space of time.
On the other hand, it almost feels like, "that's it? That's all that's passed?"

I
I don't know what to feel anymore sometimes. And I don't want to indulge myself in the sad sappy party that I can sometimes become, all by myself.

So.
I'm finally on my way home now.
But it's one of those days where I half wonder why I left because,
Because at least in the office, I'd know what to do with myself.

I'm taking my writing some place else.
Not because I'm so teary eyed I can't think. Not because I'm teary eyed at all come to think of it.
But because this evening,
I sort of really need to.

I wanted so to have you, and I wanted you to know