but just, of recent.
At least on my end that is.
Afternoons on grassy fields, tearing up dried leaves, talking endlessly,
Or evenings with ice-cream by water, in playgrounds, talking endlessly,
we're quite a long way off from that and I find it a frightful shame.
I don't suppose I've thought about things very much. I think I've been trying to crawl out of my skin and get away from myself. I've lost my words, and I've looked around a bit and then sort of given up.
Tired. I'm tired, I think.
Most often these days, I sort of would just like to sit and talk.
Or sit and attempt to.
Or sit and just, not.
I don't half mind just sitting and being quiet.
Most days, it feels like I'm in a different place altogether and all that I'm holding on to is whatever is in front of me.
Because it's all that I can.
I'm close to tears and this is so stupid because I don't even have any bloody idea why.
Maybe I'm upset, maybe I'm frustrated. I don't know, I have no clue.
We were caught trying to get a cab from Gardens, mid-freaking-day. And five got stolen and then a couple here and there just passed us by.
Now obviously, they're just cabs and really, I don't really mind. Especially in retrospect.
But then, at the point in time, Oh My Word.
I wasn't so much so annoyed or upset as I was close to tears. Not because cabs weren't stopping, but because,
oh I don't know really.
Then I just shoved it into a box and didn't really want to think about how I was feeling, which is what I've been doing for,
uhm, well, fuck, I might as well admit it now-
the last three weeks I think. I can't quite be sure.
Maybe it's time to sit down for a bit.
Even if it means crying about seemingly nothing.
At the same time, I feel awful that I've subconsciously closed up a bit.
I don't think I was quite aware of it, and no I wasn't actively doing it or anything.
I'm sorry. More than I might find myself capable of telling you, but really,
I am sorry.
And it's not my favouritest feeling in the world, feeling a bit sort of
out of touch,
even though it's only been a few days.
But (and I'm not being callous about it or anything)
we'll pick our way through this, and sort it out.
And I really don't mean it to sound so task-oriented, really.
On another note!
We did quite a few homely things today, which was quite nice. I don't usually do such homely things with people and I quite like it.
There was Mass with Erika, and then there was Sunday Brunch which was Bak Chor Mee with Erika's folksies at Crawford. Oh the honour! (No really. I'm remembering the chilli, and want to just stop and bask in the memory of it for a bit) I thought it was awfully nice of them to bring me so THANK YOU ^^
Then there was messing around with hair dye and juice and sappy romance show and crisps-
And all at the same time!
Which came before checking out new apartments.
(That's another story altogether.)
Such a family day no? haha.
And now, I shall take my leave because Mommy's made baked rice(: