Wednesday, March 16, 2011

On birthdays, aging, and feeling like a Princess while it happens

I've always loved Birthdays.

Not just my own but everyone else's as well. It's that one day a year that you get to be spoilt rotten. That one day when everything, absolutely everything, ought to go your way.
One day where you have double the reason to throw a bitch fit if someone spills something on you, or you're made to take the train.

I love birthdays.

Except this year, I'm growing increasingly frustrated, no that's not it, increasingly irked by the idea of my birthday.
Actually, it just sort of happened in a flash.
I don't really feel like doing much with my birthday. And oh I know it's supposed to be special, and if it were me, I'd jump at all these "special" sort of numbers- 12 (last year before you're a teen), 13 (first year you ARE a teen), 18 (legal), 19 (last year of being a teen), 20 (OMG! The big Two-Oh), 21 (More legal?), 25 (quarter of a century) the list, it goes on.
I feel like sitting at home.

I'm working, this birthday, and you know what, I honestly don't mind it. I've scheduled a session with Kuo Chuan and I have a full day with them.
Mommy wants to hang out this evening though, except I don't know if I'm capable of pulling off a Sit-at-the-bar-til-we-hit-midnight sorta thing. I'm tired and old, old and tired.
And I have work in the morning.

Last year, at least the evening before, it sorta of irked me a bit. Because I'm always so anal about the whole omg-it's-an-hour-before-the-birthday!-thing.
It wasn't anything special.
ALTHOUGH, Keith was very sweet and we met up. Yes, somehow I sailed into my new age with Keith and the chocolate muffin she bought me as a cake.

This year, for some reason, I don't feel like being awake when it happens.
I don't feel like being aware of that single moment when the numbers change on me.
And I've never been like this, ever.
Every other aspect of my life's going completely fine. It's wonderful.
Erika says it's my birthday week and that means I can have anything I want.

So then,
what if I'd just like to sit at home with Sushi, wine and My Best Friend's Wedding?
Or Greys' Anatomy. I could do that too.
How about if I wanted to spend it practicing the monologue I've just memorized for my audition- because I'm just so in love with Ellen's words?
And how about, I don't think about all this crazily different things that I'm about to be going through this year. And how, it actually feels like my life is (almost) restarting?

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