happy.

Some days, there are heaps to think about.

Like why someone would rush into the middle of the road, with a million and one cars squealing past him.
Or why someone else would pour her heart out into a story she doesn't plan on getting published.

Or if we're the ones who know nothing because we're thinking about all these people and their various actions while we are left thinking about all these people and their various actions.

Why is it that the quest for happiness is always what ends up with us in a locked bathroom stall blowing our noses into loo roll made of recycled paper?

I had a couple of long telephone conversations today, as well as daily blog-reads.
And of course, my usual sad-blog-reads.
There's so much out there that makes you want to scream at God and say,
"Blast it, enough with the games."

It's always easy to tell someone that "it's all within God's perfect plan" when you're not the one who's lost four children, when you're not the one who ended up pregnant at eleven years old because you were raped, when you're not the one who feels like there's an entire world for you to carry alone.
And what are we supposed to say?
Somehow "I empathize with you" doesn't quite seem to cut it.

Sometimes I think that, there I just some people who spend their lives going through shit and it's just not fair. They get blow after blow, and yet still have people telling them "You deserved to have your four babies taken from you." (This, by the way, is a true story)
I wouldn't blame them in the least, for giving up on their faith.

"What happened?"
"She's been silly again."
"What did she want?"
"She wants to be happy."
"That's not too much to ask, is it?"
"No it isn't. But we've been through this a million times.
...She's just crazy."

- Chris Lee, Happy

Aren't we all?
And just because we're searching desperately for things that can make us happy. And I don't mean oh-I-had-a-fantastic-sushi-buffet kind of happy, obviously.
We're always talking about that you know kind of happiness. (Which I don't think most of us do know)

Aye.



"So what made you happy?"
"You did."
"Really now?"
"Yeah, but you were also the one who took that happiness away."



So some people have lovers, some have kids and most others pretend that their goldfish can understand what they're saying.
I'm going around in circles too, in case you haven't noticed.
Guess I'm pretty much as human as you are hon.


But I do think, that what makes me really really happy, is this idea that I'm not really looking for happiness.
After all, you can't not find something that you weren't looking for to begin with.