oh meeeOW

Wow, haven't I been consistent! Okay, no not really.

I've been writing a lot, if you must know. And racing around, looking after The Children as they have come to be known. The Little African Baby (because he's scrawny with a bulbous tumtum) has been giving Buttons, Princess of the House, a good work out.
This also means that they eat a FUCK LOAD.
I swear! Never in my life have I seen cat food bowls empty for most of the day!
(Cats pace themselves and eat bits of food throughout the day. It's only empty like, right at the end of the day)
But since Fishbone's arrival it's like, GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE! MOOOOMMY! MORE FOODIES NOW!

ack.

Also, I have found a couple of new pet peeves to whine about to you!
For some reason, the SMRT Terrorism Threat advert's started bugging me LIKE MAD. It's so incredibly stupid! And I will tell you why I think so too!

1) They create a template of what "suspicious" looks like.
ie; shuffles around, looks nervous and moody. Carries backpack/haversack/huge bag.
hmm let's see, who looks like that?
Oh I know! ABOUT ALL THE POLY STUDENTS! Who, coincidentally, also use the trains a lot. Do they not have huge backpacks (if they're not carrying a laptop case?) Actually, they often do have huge bags even if they DO carry a laptop case.
They also shuffle around, why? BECAUSE EVERYONE HERE SHUFFLES AROUND! NO ONE LIFTS UP THEIR FEET TO WAL ANYMORE. (counts for secondary and JC students as well)
They look nervous, why?
Because they've got tests and shit to finish up and rush and.
okay, I'm going to stop because it's not just Poly students who fit this description.

My point is, you cannot define suspicious-looking. And by doing so, you've given people a sketch of what to look out for.
I'm not saying that your message is not important. Of course it is! We all know how real terrorism is. But if you realize, a lot of the people who blew up innocent commuters were very nonchalant/ normal / unsuspicious-looking!

2) "The bag is big and heavy and bulky."
Oh really, Miss-I-have-awful-teeth-and-am-incapable-of-speaking-properly! HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THE DAMN THING. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IT'S HEAVY?
You must be an ACCOMPLICE!

3) That lady has FUCK-AWFUL TEETH AND MOUTH.

Of course the other bits such as how to exit in an orderly manner and who should stay behind or go first, all those make perfect sense.
The front part's just stupid. Douche.

Another new thing I'm getting incredibly irked by is:
Lady Gaga.
I'm sorry, I do not believe she can sing. I think she can dance pretty well. But I think she's fucking strange and she tries to freaking hard to be different.
I'm not the biggest fan of looking like the rest of the turds on the shelf, but I think when it's very obvious that you're trying too hard, then it's very sad.
Very sad indeed.
But it explains her Paparazzi song I suppose.
Furthermore I don't think she can sing.
Ohoh! Do you know what she said?
"I think celebrity tweeting is stupid. It takes away the aire of mystery."
You know, because her swimming costume-looking costumes hide so much more than other people's tweets.
ugh.

Lets see, what else have I been irritated with recently?
Oh nope, nothing else that's been irking me as much as those two! Teehee!

Other than that, Singapore's been a lovely lovely green country. I wonder how they keep it so green here! Oh wait, that was mould growing on the underside of a discoloured shoe.
TEE HEE JUST KIDDING.
I've been a happy sod, a happy slob. too much of both actually.

There's all this schoolwork piling up and Lord knows, I am not ready to take on the world.
Lots have been happening, at the same time. The grampsies are in town. I've been hearing out their longterm plans for us, although they admit that ours might differ slightly.
Then there's planning stuff that I don't feel like planning out, chasing after the adorable furry children and generally, just trying to catch my breath.

I think I need to go for a swim this week, clear my head and stuff, y'know?
Does wonders(:

Oh yes!
It's Teacher's Day! Yay me!
My RVH kids are the most ADORABLE bunch in the world! They asked if they could pass me a teacher's day gift this week. teehee:D
It's my last week with TKSS and I am SO INCREDIBLY SAD. I AM FREAKING GOING TO CRY OKAY.
I'm so proud of them at the same time, they're just amazing and brilliant and smart! aaaaahh!
There I go again!

I'm off. I did say I've been incredibly tired, didn't I? My eyes are actually half closed right now.
No kidding.
Night y'all.

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!

It was supposed to be a lovely end to the week.
Much has been done and there's heaps more to do.
AND THEN
I find myself feeling like I'm on an island with, miraculously, internet connection.
Stupidly, on a day I'd much rather communication via the phone.

It doesn't matter that I can Tweet to the world my message and not reach the ONE person I need to. And I have a few of those "one persons".
sdfagfronefoinrgio hfbi!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW.

normally, I really don't mind being cut off.
But
1) There's no reason to be cut off because our bills have been paid
2) The home phone is cut as well!
3) Hello, Genius Starhub! If you cut off all my forms of communication, how in FUCK'S NAME am I supposed to get in touch with YOU in order to rectify this problem?
YOU ARE BARKING MAD!

plus, now I don't know what to do with myself!
Okay, I was supposed to be tidying up but I'm so fidgety that I can't! and I'm getting very annoyed at a persistent Fishbone who's decided that my thumb is his mom's nipple and KEEPS ON BITING IT.

I just threw him into my bin! hahaha.
okay, he's out. problem NOT solved.

eurgh. what to do!i dont think anyone can call in either.



always happens to me! why!

the day that isn't yours

It's just one of those days.
One of those days that wasn't made for you.

One of those days where every other thing makes me tear up.
One of those days where I feel like curling up forever.

Makes you not want to do anything anymore. Makes you not want to try because on the one occasion that, you know, you forget or you only repeated it 99 times instead of a hundred,
it all falls apart and makes you want to scream.

But you know, it's just one of those days.
Just one of those fucking days and nothing's right.
Even though I did a spot of shopping and had a lovely lovely dinner and an awesome walk after that.
It's one of those days where you can't do enough.
And it's all wrong anyways.

A taste of home (number two)

So, Tommy's in Singapore, and he's brought a breeze of LA with him.
Today was spent eating good food and hanging out like, a lot.

I got to see the latest pictures of my two adorable little nephews. Such absolute darlings, swear to God. Also got to catch up lots, learn a bit more about him being in the Navy and realize that, well, he's really changed so much since becoming a daddy.
It's amazing, it really really is. And it's just so beautiful too!

Anyway, he says I should still pick up driving here so that my insurance will be tonnes cheaper when I go over there. (cos i can say i've been driving for a while)
So Vic, you're still gonna have a driving classmate! yayyy

My eyes are drying up now, so i ought to go to bed. Plus, my two babies are already in bed together, just waiting for mommy(:




My word, how can you possibly not love that?
Those are my babies man. My adorable, knock-over-a-bottle-of-whiskey, darling little babies.

These are my babies

Jie jie Buttons seems to have decided to tolerate her last bit of personal space being invaded.
My older one is such a darling!


My two babies and their brightly lit eyes
Fishbone, dozing back off to sleep.
They are such such SUCH darlings.
Nevermind having a new baby, how is jie jie going to be when we move away? ):

They're lovely playmates with each other. and when they sleep, they sleep together.
They eat out of each other's food bowls, share the same water. And they both wait on the other side of a closed door for each other.


Look! Fishbone has his tiny scrawny leg sprawled over Buttons' thigh.
And they keep getting cuter by the minute! Right now, Fishbone's scrawny leg isn't sprawled anymore, he's curled up with his paw over a wee bit of Buttons' arm.
gosh.


These are my babies, guys. These are my two adorable babies.

pebbles

It never happens like what we plan. The hours of drawing out timetables, deciding how much to put away and telling ourselves what we will achieve by a certain date.
Life throws you a curveball every other minute and you deal with it.

I've got so many blog posts where I'm whining and being impatient and giving myself excuses to be impatient.
And now, I kind of just feel a bit like a brat.
hehe


My cousin's arriving in Singapore! Like, either today or tomorrow(:
yayyyy

New beginnings

It's apt that I'm using my 580th post for this super duper light-hearted post:D

It's like, I get shoved and instead of spitting out curses, I suddenly thought,
"hmm, I might miss that."

Buttons is one lucky, lucky baby(:
And I think I am too.

You really do have to smile for me! (even if you don't know why)

What's softer than sponge?*

My two babies, fast asleep. This is just SO aww-worthy!

So yes, Buttons is now an older sister to a baby brother called...
wait for it



wait for it...


Fishbone!
(Tulang Ikan!)

He's such a darling, curling up in the crook of my neck or in my arm at night. He's also officially litter-trained! Not like Buttons' floor-pooping and scratching her way to China through my bathroom floor. He uses the lavender scented sand that I bought(:
yay!

So Buttons is nicely settled with having a wee brother, but she gets a bit territorial over her food. Because sometimes she ends up eating out of his bowl when he's stuck his face into hers.

I love Fishbone very much of course, but I'd really like him to have someone who will devote their complete and utter attention to him. So I'm going to be grossly picky with potential new mommies for him.
If ever.

Buttons looked a tad bit sad today when I had to lock him in the loo for the last time (it's called toilet training).
They spend their days chasing after each other. Sure is a funny sight when Fishbone, about as long as Buttons' tail, starts doing the chasing. most of the time, he actually does.

anyway, whilst my wee darlings are asleep, I'm going to entertain you with a couple of vids!









*to get the answer to my riddle, CALL ME NOW.
teehee(:
No, the answer is NOT my fluffy kitties

beehives and woodlice, faries with berries

You know, I've forgotten how to take pictures with Heather.
bollocks.

I spent today desperately wanting to work and not getting any done.
Do i feel shitty? Indeed, I very much do.
I did manage to get an email out with regards to a couple of designs for my Tees. Looking forward to getting my quotations and whatnot.

Saw a couple of pictures of my friend taken while in Europe.
She's not the stick-thin sort of girl, and she exercises lots so she's got a lovely body. And now I've got this desperate want to be skinny too! ):
And she was in Europe. Doubly unfair.

ugh.
Don't you just hate life sometimes?
You think you're happy and know you're supposed to be and then you see the things you don't have. Which kind of ultimately makes you a bit of a brat.
So great, I'm a big fat brat. so there.
I'm going to grab a juice and smoke to cheer myself up.

I'm going to channel detox and skinny-ness in my thoughts. That always works.
Or swimming.
always makes me feel lovely about my week, swimming(:

The only thing worth getting your knickers in a twist for

I must've been like, six when I first saw him.
And even then, I thought he was the dishiest guy I'd ever seen.
No one, and I mean absolutely no one, has ever ever EVER come close.

Yeah there's George Clooney who looked better with age but this man is like...
swooon.


Hello! How do you NOT get your knickers in a twist?
ACK.

This picture came from an article entitled Mulroney vs Jackman.
I'm sorry, are we really having this conversation?
Honestly? Is the answer not plain obvious?

If it wasn't two minutes ago, it damn well ought to be NOW.
Single biggest celebrity crush, like, ever.
And only for more than a decade!
How wrong can this be! He's a year younger than my own parents! He was out of school and acting before I was even BORN.
And my word, even when he's doing the whole old and fuzzy look, he still looks adorable.

Everything you could ever dream a man up to be. I kid you not. He's like, freaking unreal.
egad.

And he's born in October. They always did say that all the beautiful people are born in October.

all the things we wish for, in August

like Christmas.
LA.
Christmas in LA.
Frozen yoghurt on freezing nights and the neighbours' christmas lights.
Mist from water fountains.
Pink cotton candy too large to finish.
Toes that curl in the cold and coats that are only just warm enough.
Early mornings and four o clock sunsets.
Breakfast with Lee's Coffee and Mr. Baguette.
Wind blowing your hair back and restaurants with their heat cranked up.
Happy pigeons and glad little furry caterpillars.

Christmas in LA.

First Things I said to some of my closest friends

and they probably didn't make much of an impression either

Bird: Can I borrow your stapler?

Vicky: OH! So YOU'RE Vicky. Nice to know.

Ner: OMG, I've heard a lot about you.

Ann na: Hello. What's your name? (we were eight and she reminded me of my mommy cos of her freckles. so I thought she was awfully cute)

Ruiyi: (she spoke to me first, cos she saw me standing by a tiny drain looking upset)
I dropped my chocolate inside, it's important that I have it, my mommy packed it for me!

Vic: mm, Hi I'm Charis. (at least I think so. cos I don't think I was in a particularly friendly phase)

Alastair: Can I have your email address? And I thought you were really good onstage by the way.

Zool: AHMAHGAD! HELLO RANDOM PERSON I'VE NEVER MET BEFORE (and this was BEFORE the drinks, by the way)

Buttons: Well aren't you a cute little darling! kinda dirty but oooooh. I will call you JACKIE!

Enqing: (actually, after the "Hi" bit, i didn't really say this directly to him.) I can't do this in front of you! (be a gross longhongban-singing aunty) I've known you five minutes! (I said this while in a superbly orange aunty top and doggy slippers.)

I can't remember the first things I said to Eme and Dory, but i know I started out not really liking them. Well, at least for Eme. I was alright with Dory until the whole rach-bird-D thing.
And now I miss D):

Anyway, randomness aside,
last night was awesomely fun. The Catholic High Boys were incredibly impressive, well behaved, professional. The script/ story was fantastic and dark as it was, these secondary school boys pulled it off without looking like they were from secondary school and staging a play.

Stayed out for drinks, our boss included (because she wasn't driving last night) and chatted, sang along with the live performance and waved imaginary lighters in the air to her singing.
All in all, a lovely night, considering I usually wouldn't stay out on a work night.

To top it all off, I woke up this morning at nine, when I've to leave at half past.
Fed baby and then crawled into mommy's bed and thought, I WANT TO SLEEP. With eight minutes left to get ready, I checked my phone and found out thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat,
THERE WAS NO LESSONS TODAY.

Awesome to the max! Five day weekend, after a two and a one hour day week!

This week was my fat week. So I've been eating junk, smoking too much and drinking more.
It's been lovely(:

I want to get out of the countryyyyyyyy! I demand it!

A tad annoyed at myself. Have work to finish, but haven't gotten started.
I honestly should. Ugh.
Lord help. Can't wait for this Associate's Degree to be over. I am getting so ill-disciplined with subjects I don't like):

Making it through this week

Because you know, i will.
Despite having a shitload of homework to get started on, and a lost metal ball that fell into my cleavage this morning on the train, and a mouth that is sore from getting scratched by a one-ball stud.
One-ball studs are such angry things, aren't they?

Find myself missing home more and more. Have these fleeting, okay they're not very fleeting, thoughts/plans/what-have-you to up and leave. Just like that.
So maybe all that I have will only afford me my one way ticket and my first meal back in London, but maybe, that's all I need for the rest of my life, you know?

I don't know.

I really really miss it. And sometimes I get so angry at the world, like it's their fault that I got yanked away from my Electric Fireplace.

When I was a kid, I used to dream that my real life was a nightmare.
That I would wake up on the carpet to an incessantly ringing phone at an ungodly hour. Although why my parents would leave me in front of a fire and sneak off to bed is beyond me, they're not the sort.
But I'd run upstairs to where they were and tell them of my fucking weird dream.
Except I'd use the words, "terrifyingly odd and awfully strange" instead of "fucking weird".

Sometimes I wonder if I get to start over and be back at the fireplace again.

you learn something new everyday

Like how giraffes never sit down,
that your mom was actually not really a kid-person before she settled down,
and your heritage.
Turns out I'm panasian.

Now, who woulda known, eh?

"Who are you my country?" did you ask? Not this place, my friend.

So due to a huge number of requests from invisible lovestruck fans who pour over the details of my everyday life, I decided to come clean about my whole
I hate Singapore, but oh it's not so bad, but UGH get me the fuck out of here but oh, I'll never forget it because I kind of grew up here -thing.

Yes, I am biased and judgmental.
Why, you ask? No, wait that wasn't right.
*pause for dramatic effect and spins around wildly on right heel*
WHY, YOU ASK?

Well for starters, I never asked to be moved here. And very few people were nice to me until I told them my mom was an actress and, after my first tv appearance, told them I could get them on tv too. Which of course, I couldn't because all I did in TCS, as it was still called back then, was hole up in a freezing cold room and watch Hercules until I fell asleep and mommy was done being an ah ma in Growing Up.

So all my time in Singapore has been spent punctuating my sentences, not with swear words, surprisingly, but with "Oh because it's Singapore."
Wanted to go for a swim and it rains? Because it's Singapore.
Arriving at work with once-stiff-but-now-wilted-collars? Because it's Singapore.
Got picked on in school for correcting teacher's English? Because it's Singapore! (this bit is true, btw)

But, meaness aside, I don't really hate Singapore as much as I do.
Yes I am bias. Yes I want to get far far away from this country. But only because I'm pretty sure I'm not meant to be here. Plus, once I'm out of here, I'll come back for holidays!
It's like how you really love your parents but you can't stand them at the same time.
But the moment you move out and stop destroying each other's brains, you pop by every weekend for dinner and a game of chess?
Kind of like that. Except parents don't smell half as bad. (just kidding, swear to God)

So, biasness and shit aside, here's ten reasons for why I love Singapore and why, after that, I dislike Singapore.

Why I love Singapore:

1) All my best friends are here. The best friends without whom I would be absolutely nothing, the best friends who would slap me for cutting myself and save me from potentially std-carrying men.
My best friends are like an entire miniature country on their own! They're so different from the usual Singaporeans that having known them is like, without a doubt, the best thing that's ever ever happened to me in Singapore. Followed closely by...

2) The independent arts scene. If we weren't in Singapore, mommy wouldn't have gotten into acting and infected me. And if i hadn't caught the acting bug, I'd never have been in the school musical and been driven to act some more both in and outside of school.
On top of that, the arts scene in Singapore is quite small, so everybody knows everybody and it's relatively easy to get around and learn. Granted, most of the well-known local celebs cannot act to save their fake eyelashes and local channels always only use the well-known faces.
However, it is because of that, that you kind of feel more driven to prove yourself and get yourself places.
Singapore has been the perfect place for me to learn about acting (not learn acting, but get introduced and inspired), learn and experience being a drama teacher and ultimately, realizing what i want to do with my life. If not for Singapore, I would very probably be a stereotyped straight-A chink who wouldn't lose her first kiss until she was like sixteen or something. And, I would probably never have bothered with the Actors' Guild and whatnot.
But being in Singapore where you have all the horrible actors/actresses on TV and all the good ones working on smaller projects has given me the opportunity to chat with all these fantastic actors/actresses, swap knowledge and history and talk about how it would be a dishonour to be on one of 'those' shows.

3) It's very safe from people pulling out guns and shooting you in the face just because, say, you honked him when he cut into your lane.

4) The sun is awesome. Yeah i know, what the fuck right?
But you see, unlike Bali, where although I absolutely fucking love it, the sun is actually quite harsh, it's not like that here.
If, for example, I wanted to go on a beach holiday where I didn't want to shop at all, I just wanted to lie on the beach EVERY SINGLE DAY for one week straight, punctuated by Pina Coladas and hotdogs, I would come to Singapore! I really would. Because it Bali, you've got gorgeous sun, but you can only soak that up for three, four days before you shrivel up and die. On top of that, you've got touters, which you don't in Singapore.
So in Singapore, when you're up for the sun, and the stars align to give it to you when you need it most, it's lovely.

5) I learnt Mandarin here. At the end of the day, I'm a Chink, and I'm darn proud to be one too. Now, if I'd stayed on in the UK, I'd never have learnt to read and write and speak Mandarin. Granted, I'm not very good at it, but I'm a few steps ahead of all those Chinks who CAN'T speak mandarin AND speak horrid English. Plus, I really want to learn Malay, and that's going to be easier than say, signing up for Conversational Malay in uhm, San Francisco.

6) My job. My job means everything to me. I love it, enjoy it and want to keep doing it for the rest of my life. But I wouldnt have known that if I hadn't come to Singapore and yada yada yada.

7) If I had stayed back home in UK, it'd probably be very pricey to come down to Malaysia (where daddy's family is) so often. But because Singapore is right beside Malaysia, we used to drive up there a lot. BECAUSE OF THAT, I TRIED DURIANS FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME WHEN I WAS FIVE, at least I think I was. I was a kid and the adults were all downstairs getting drunk on the awesomeness that is Durians. And from the moment I tried that fruit, I knew that I would never be able to live without having it once in a while.

8) Curry Chicken. My favourite food in the entire world. Malay-made Curry Chicken. Which we would not have in UK (unless it's out in the sticks and being sold at an exorbitant price). Plus, nothing beats having Asian food in Asia. And while America has chili sauce, they do not, my friends, have curry sauce. And sometimes, thinking about that brings me to tears.

9) If I had grown up back home, we'd probably just have driven to France a lot, or all the way back to London from Edinburgh. Which, if you are perfectly honest with yourself is still within United Kingdom even if it is a lot of travelling. Being suffocated in Singapore created this overwhelming urge to get out and breathe, which has made me a sucker for travelling. Never mind twenty hour bus rides or ferries or God-forbid, eighteen hour flights, if I'm getting out, I'm happy. And even though i haven't been to that many places, I'm pretty sure I'd have been to less had I not been in Singapore.

10) If I hadn't been here, I'd never have been looking for a way out. And I would have been perfectly contented and settled, cross-stitching in front of my awesome electric fire place back at home. But being here, and wanting so badly to get out for so long, has made me much more appreciative of what is going to come next. I am excited and happy and I'll be damned if I grow tired of the place within the first year. So, although it was just supposed to be a pit-stop, Singapore ended up being a cage for a while, so that when I get out, I appreciate it more. plus, if the gate's always open, I'm going to keep coming back now and then.

phew. Now that's done...

10 Reasons why I don't like Singapore:

1) I had no say in moving here whatsoever. It was very much against my will.

2) The kids at school were mean to me because they couldn't understand my Scottish accent. I grew up chubby and with this horrible desire to please people so that they'd like me.

3) Their English sounds funny. It's a mixture of mandarin and hokkien and malay and english. So hello! I had difficulty communicating with them too! Plus, most of the time, their English is quite bad (amazingly, all my friends have really good English by the way). In fact, I had to keep correcting my English teacher when I was seven years old.

4) They do not like to admit when they're wrong. So when I was seven, my Eng teacher just hated me and picked on me and found fault at every turn, because she was mad that I kept correcting her horrible English. (she said watch was pronounce wah-ch. like a rhyme with the word patch). This is prevalent in everything from bloggers who speak their mind to people who confide in taxi drivers. If you say something bad about the BIG G, they will sue your white ass and throw you into jail. (your ass might be brown if you tan without your bikini bottoms. but whatevs. don't split hairs)

5) NUTS. The No-U Turn Syndrome.
Everywhere else in the world, you are allowed to make a U Turn anywhere on the road, unless a sign says "YOU CANNOT U TURN HERE OR A BUS WILL CRASH INTO YOU". As long as there's no oncoming traffic, U-Turn away mate! In Singapore, the opposite applies. You can only U turn IF and WHEN they say so.
As a result, most locals only do things that is SAID they are allowed to do. For example, you CANNOT eat on buses and trains. So they don't (besides those who break rules on purpose).
They don't eat/drink not because they don't want to, not because they are afraid of spilling and dirtying the train. They do so because they're NOT ALLOWED TO.
Do you see what I'm getting at?
It's not a good habit that is cultivated, it is the, "You say- I do" mentality. As a result, if you go into a classroom of students and say, "Can anyone tell me what a qwarfudger is?" The eighty percent who know the answer, probably will not answer unless you ask them personally to.

This even applies to the whole train and bus thing. I've been raised, since young, to offer up my seat to people who need it and let people out first. And when did this new campaign with Gurmit Singh come out? THIS YEAR. Not only that, now that there are Reserved seats for the disabled/preggers/old people, locals fight for the seats that are unreserved. And when the reserved seats are taken up by old people and a 6 month pregnant lady stands in the middle of the carriage, WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE DO? They pretend not to see. Why? BECAUSE "My seat no reserve what. Is that one on the end must give up. This is no reserve seat."

6) Most locals are rude and impatient (never seen my friends do this either!) They tut and shove and push. An old man falls down in the middle of a crowded train station, does anyone stop to help? NO. The person most likely to stop and help will be Malay, followed by Indian. Chinese people are ESPECIALLY impatient and rude and discourteous, this is multiplied two-fold here. i am often embarrassed.

7) They expect you to speak their lingo.
Scenario 1:
A food court in Thompson plaza. I approach the drinks stall, gripping my plastic notes.

me: Excuse me, may I have a tea without milk please?
lad: tea milk ah?
me: no no, a tea WITHOUT milk. Thank you so much! (I often sound apologetic because I cannot speak their lingo)
lad: okeh! doo-fiddy! (two-fifty)
as he goes off to make the tea, I lean over to remind him and say
me: Remember, NO MILK PLEASE! Thanks!

The tea comes with milk. And I ask him why. When his superior comes out and realizes what I'm saying, she turns to me and says
aunty: TEH O! IS YOU WANT TEH O!
me: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying all I want is tea without milk
aunty: IS TEH O LAH. SAY, TEH O!
me: No, I do not speak your language. may I have my tea with milk now please.

And she frowned and tutted and was clearly displeased that I did not speak her alien language.
Now, if you were from China, and had no idea what I was saying, I will speak to you in Mandarin.
But you are Singaporean, with English as a first language. In fact, you spoke to me in goddamned English. So just because I do not know or understand your strange language does not give you reason to eyeball me like I'm an alien.

8) Strangers are unforgiving for things that you do not do. I cannot tell you the countless number of times that I've been STEPPED ON. and what do I say, when I get stopped on?
"OW! oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" Why do I say sorry? Because it's a bad habit of mine. not only do most of them NOT apologize (hello, I'm hurt and I apologize?!), they tut at me and push past me.

9) They speak in obscenely loud, demanding voices as if it is your fault that you happened to stand in front of them.
ie; on the escalator. "EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUSE MEEEE. TUT TUT"
Geez, I've got just as much right to be here Thank You.

10) They have awful dressing. Now, I am no fashionista, but isn't it a weee bit obvious that a silk nighty, no matter how pretty, should be confined to the four walls of your bedroom and not on the streets of Orchard? And isn't it a tad obvious that your bright blue top does not, under any circumstances, match your bright yellow skirt and that none of those match your fuchsia-coloured wedges? Also, couldn't you have tried not to wear RED POLKA DOTTED KNICKERS UNDERNEATH THAT DAMN SKIRT?

11) Their shoes never fit. In a train carriage of thirty people, assuming all of them are women, twenty five of them will have ill-fitting shoes. Men wear covered toe shoes, no one can see shit.
Women here like to wear slip on kitten heel shoes. Except they are SO FUCKING SMALL THAT THEIR FAT TOES ARE SQUISHING OUT OF THE FRONT. Do you have any idea how grotesque it looks? And sometimes their shoes are beautiful sleek stilettos with a lovely diamond on it. BUT THAT DIAMOND AIN'T GONNA TAKE AWAY THE ATTENTION FROM YOUR FAT MUSHED UP TOES SQUEEZING OUT THE FRONT.
For crying out loud, WHY WHY WHY!

12) They are very brand conscious, and for the wrong reasons.
Everything is about "That LV bag. you sure hers is real?" or " I want that Prada." or "My handbag ah, is from GASH YOU KNOW (Guess)!"
Yes, some of the designs in those branded shops are nice. But some of them aren't. And honestly, you should know that instead of just buying it because of the brand.
I will admit, I have an insane addiction to Aldo shoes. But I don't buy slippers from them, simply because the REASON that I love Aldo shoes is that the heels are well made and comfy to wear. They're also one of the few shops that sell heels of decent height. Like, five, six inchies.
But Aldo doesn't JUST have those heels, they've got flats and slippers and even kitten heels. But personally, I'm not going to pay two hundred dollars for a pair of flats (exaggeration on my part)

Do you get what i mean? And this rubs off on children so we have teenagers strutting around with Coach and Guess and all those things that they can't really afford and don't need. How do I know this?
Because even if your parents were filthy rich, WHAT USE WOULD YOU HAVE FOR A $19, 000 HANDBAG WHEN YOU ARE IN SCHOOL AND ONLY JUST BEGINNING TO LEARN ABOUT SEXUAL REPRODUCTION?

13) Clothes here never fit me. Hardly ever. I can never buy something off the rack and go home, wear it for the first time and look stunning. Because my boobs are too big. I also cannot get bras of a decent size. Most shoe stores carry up to size 38/39. I'm 40.
I give up.

14) I manage to go past ten reasons without even realizing!

So to sum up my grossly lengthy post that I literally sat down for two hours to type out (despite being sleepy), Singapore has it's good points and it's bad points.
Yes, sometimes I am biased and angry and I spit with fury at people who cannot afford a Thank You to the person who held the lift door open.
It's a lovely country with behaviour that is less than desired. And that's alright you know, as long as you acknowledge it.
But most people, don't and won't. This is going to rile up some locals and God Forbid, if I get sued and my ass chucked in jail for this. But it can happen, you know.
I'm not writing bad stuff for the heck of it. I figure, you really need to let of steam now and then. But people who I've written about also need to acknowledge all the things which make an impression on a non-citizen, instead of getting angry and cursing in Hokkien at me.