Friday, December 10, 2010

I wish this were easier for me.
But then, I don't as well because. Because then it wouldn't be much different.
I wish it were easier to talk though. Because I can, and I have a wee bit.
But not with the person it pertains to, and I just.

I can't trust myself here the way I do when I'm on stage.
There. I said it. I wrote it out, and I'm saying it.
And that's why it's so goddamn difficult.
"Throw your shit at me," I'd say to someone else on stage, "It's called Improv."
And I can trust myself to make it work. So it does.
But I step into the real world and I think and dissect and I feel and I think about feeling and feel about thinking and oh, I'm a mess.

I needed to tell you something on the phone, and it should've been then I know.
But my issues are mine to deal with and I hate spillage. There's enough on your plate, and you've no idea how much I want to be there-
to whine, to take in, to complain, to gag with you, at all the things going on.
How can I even begin to start?

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