I wish this were easier for me.

But then, I don't as well because. Because then it wouldn't be much different.

I wish it were easier to talk though. Because I can, and I have a wee bit.

But not with the person it pertains to, and I just.

Just.

I can't trust myself here the way I do when I'm on stage.

There. I said it. I wrote it out, and I'm saying it.

And that's why it's so goddamn difficult.

"Throw your shit at me," I'd say to someone else on stage, "It's called Improv."

And I can trust myself to make it work. So it does.

But I step into the real world and I think and dissect and I feel and I think about feeling and feel about thinking and oh, I'm a mess.

I needed to tell you something on the phone, and it should've been then I know.

But my issues are mine to deal with and I hate spillage. There's enough on your plate, and you've no idea how much I want to be there-

to whine, to take in, to complain, to gag with you, at all the things going on.

How can I even begin to start?