Last Friday was tricksy.

Unexpectedly emotional, and in many ways, I don't know if I'm ready to go back there. (that emotional place that is.)

I disappeared this weekend, finding myself in Orange County looking at model homes.

They were the loveliest things. I found myself wandering about, checking out sofas too.

But this whole grocery shopping, running fingers along different fabrics, it's not half as nice without someone to lace your fingers with and tug pleadingly to sit beside you when you find a couch that tickles your fancy.

I'm way more of a shmuck than I let on.

I had space. If only just from the online world.

I had questions come up, and I know they're not the prettiest questions. But when I was prompted, I asked them.

There isn't an issue of trust or the lack of it. I suppose it's just nice to be sure, to be reassured, now and then. Jeebus, I never quite imagined myself saying that! I totally typed that without quite realizing it was what I meant.

I opted out of the evening DAW this evening. My feet were on their way to dying and if I went back, I'd have been so fucking knackered. I kid you not.

Did groceries with Alexis instead who's cooking tonight and being domesticated after her wild weekend where she lost her phone.

I'm having trouble with my scene partner. There. I said it, fuck it. I'm having trouble and I fucking hate it. I feel like I'm partnered with one of my students, except I'm not the teacher and I can't snap my fingers and say, "Get your game on bitch." (not that I say that to my kids of course. Different backgrounds, different personality, different story altogether.)

I'll bake cookies with Jacq later this evening after dinner, make chocolate for my classmates sometime this week.

Attempt to whip up a salad at some point.

Have a final performance on Wednesday, have my last lesson on Friday.

Catch Black Swan this week, or try to, with Ina.

Lunch date on Wednesday.

Pack for the weekend up in San Diego.

Get my shit together.

breathe. wait, no time for that.

Hang out with the family.

Prep for Christmas.

Work on scripts for Orchid Park, Kuo Chuan and Compassvale.

Pack for Christmas weekend in The OC with Glenn and Renee.

Come back, Pack for Frisco.

Come back in time for New Years.

and uhm

I need to stop thinking about this.

Had a dream the other day about being back in Singapore though.

It was quite a nice dream. I was having dinner with Erika and her friends and I THINK for some reason Vicky was there too. And I was telling them about LA.

And how it felt like it'd only been two weeks. Which, at that point, it had.

Odd.

Walkies now.

Monday, December 13th 2010

8:10pm