Monday, April 14, 2008

too stupid to realize

I spent last night up, though i'm not complaining of course.
It was really nice, and I haven't had phonecalls like those for a while.
Refreshing, to say the least.

On a completely different note though,
today wasn't a fantastic day for me until my last lesson.
Though i had sufficient rest, I was horribly tired.
Sabastien as well as my first student could tell too. And I was a little less patient, unfortunately.

I was cold and tired and pensive.
Not a good combination in the very least.

My Strawberry Tea was too sweet, which clearly didn't help anything.
Sat and chatted with Sabastien for a little while. I did have an hour to kill after all, because, yes unfortunately, i realized I came for my lesson an hour too early.
As if that wasn't bad enough (but purely by the grace of God, it turns out),
my first student asked that we cut our lesson to an hour.
Which basically gave me yet another hour to kill before my next class. I was tired and sleepy and very grumpy.
But for some reason, i pulled through and was absolutely peachy at the writer's group((:


I think it's amazing, how i could almost have believed.
How, if i didn't yank back the chain of reality and inject myself with much needed cynicism, i might find my mind wandering.
And really, who has time to play the fool these days?

Maybe i'm largely fooling myself.
Spewing out relationship theories that i secretly never plan on practicing anyway.

But i mean, that can't be it.

I'm quite lost.
Dull throbbing, and stream of senselessness.
Can't find words to place it, anything at all for that matter.

I love how bella gives up this kind of thinking after a minute or two.
And she says, quite matter-of-factly, that she can't fucking be bothered to think about emotions. So really, to hell with it all and shoot up.

Sure as hell would save me whatever brain cells i might have left.

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