Saturday, August 30, 2008

bestfriends of penknives and white pills on dusty floors

Everything that's happened since Tuesday, since my last post, has mainly been exciting, thrilling, happy, scary and a whole bunch of other sappy bullshit.

It's amazing, how a couple of days can feel like an entire year.
It's funny how so much about you and how you feel and how you see things can change but then, when you look around at the rest of the world, everything's exactly the same.
People still talk the same, still laugh the same.

They eye you as you stare blankly out the window- which you don't even notice you're doing.
And they shrug their shoulders and roll their eyes and go,
"Well what's up with her today?"
"haha. bet someone didn't get any last night that's why."
Peals of laughter which make you look up and smile, and want to laugh along too.

I've loved the amount of time I managed to spend with mommy this week.
i absolutely love.

And I liked last night too, albeit rather swollen-eye inducing.

But I don't really like myself.
Not really.

I stare at the stuff around me sometimes and I feel like disappearing.
a hole doesn't seem like a bad place to be for a couple of hundred years. I don't want to think, don't want to breathe.

I want to sit down somewhere until I find the strength to stand up and walk away.

No comments: