Saturday, February 6, 2010
Crossing the Rubicon
I love the ache in my body right after a good fight.
Two weeks out and I hopped back in. It was good and I hate that I've missed out for so long.
At the same time, I managed to complete one out of two chapters of Western Civilization. That means half my assignment is done.
Strangely, I was up early today, scurrying off for breakfast with momsie.
I meant to do my assignment, but then the machine got started (I personally don't think it's very bright to start the machine if you can't hang the clothes out yourself unless you've actually asked someone beforehand. nevermind though)
So there's that to do as well as getting ready because I have to leave in an hour. I might just be a bit of a geek and bring my work out. Western Civilization is incredibly interesting! I wish I could remember eeeeeeverything that I've learnt so far because it really is interesting.
I'm walking a bit funny now cos it turns out i might have kinda dislocated my kneecap, and when it was righting itself, it clipped a nerve. Good going Charis, good going.
It was stupid, even! I was trying to knee him except you can't knee when you're standing at a normal distance.
I've a lot more to learn clearly. Wish I wasn't so like, all over the place. DAMMIT.
Been so tired/busy/busy being tired (not because of work, mind you!) that i don't even have time to write down my schedule in my schedule book. How silly.
Anyway, I haven't cleared my cell phone inbox since coming back from HK which was like, a week before Christmas. So last night I scanned through the more-than-2-thousand texts (not all, clearly. i missed out on the bulk cos i was sooo tired) chucked some into a folder for safe-keeping and chucked the rest out.
There were texts from Justin like weeks before he left and then I realized I really miss him being around Singapore. Whether he sends some snide remark about a smelly person on the bus or just randomly texts "!!!" to me, it was always a very Justin-y thing to receive via text. Which I don't anymore, clearly. And I kind of miss that.
And then now I don't know if I'm ready,
for you to leave either.
Of course it's never about you (the ones left behind) but it's just like, so many of us upping and leaving. Inclusive of me I suppose.
I never thought it'd feel this way. And I am plagued by this idea that there are so many things that I take for granted that I might possibly never be able to get to do with you guys again.
I'm absolutely sure we'll meet up again, whether in a month, six or a few years. And I don't think we'd drift apart because what we have is special (how many people can say that out of their group of friends most of them have a scar caused by the same person! hahahaha)
But it's just, well little things.
CNY, for example. We won't house hop together anymore, as a group, taking turns to zone out at each other's places and realize that "hey eme, there's a fighting fish in your tank" to which she replies, "HAHAH. don't be stupid." pauses and then goes, "FUCK THERE'S A FIGHTING FISH IN MY FISH TANK. WHEN DID THAT GET THERE?"
Or on birthdays, alternating between smashing cake into each other's face (although as we've gotten older we seem to smear it on ourselves. like at D's birthday this year, for picture 463) and getting pissed out of our minds and having grand lesbian orgies until we pass out in the living room.
Or even our very very contant Once-a-week meetups where we just say "cheers to the end of a hellish week and to a more hellish one that will follow"
We will see each other for sure, but I'll miss our everyday patterns that make this us.
And by then, all I'll have is a little cluster of coloured stars tattooed onto me. Which, frankly speaking, is not half as responsive as talking to you guys.
I had an awful nightmare about Bird leaving and not even realizing it. So I woke up very panicky, and then the pain of my relocated knee cap brought me back to my room.
I miss you guys already you know.
Being able to call Vicky up just to go ORHORH (although I've got another five months to do that still), texting D (we've never had long phone conversations i realized. except once when i was very drunk and sitting on the edge of my window sill. hahaha), chatting online/tennis match-texting Bird and going for insanely long days of blading at East Coast, calling Victor a girl, watch Eme magically warp her face into something so monstrously, grotesque and beastly and then strive to better that. I miss Ann, talking with her in my room (which she used to say always made her crave tuna sandwiches).
I miss knowing that we're right there, an arms' length away from each other.
before I go all sniffly and sappy on you guys I'd best make a move.
It's just that, suddenly everything's moving so quickly. And, as we always do, I wish I had more time to hold onto the right now.
Well that's that then, we'll cross the Rubicon one at a time and meet each other on the other side. After that we'll smile at what we had then, and appreciate what we have now.
Love you guys tonnes.