Monday, July 18, 2011

Please leave a message after the beep

I don't know how to reply you.
I don't know what to say. Not just on the phone, right then. But in general. What am I supposed to say?

But I replied you. Well, I tried. In order. In some kind of formula that had itself in my head.
Verbal response to Line 1 - the urge to cry + Verbal response to Line 2 - the urge to cry - the reason it makes you want to cry = Answer

I don't know how to take it. I don't understand. Not that I don't understand what you're saying, but I don't understand what you mean to say.
It makes me wonder if you second-guess the person that I am, if I'm real. Then I start trying to dissect and understand what it is about me.
"I didn't say it was a bad thing," you say. Well okay, then what is it that you were trying to say? I worry that I'm sounding too defensive here. I sort of think I am.

I'm trying to stop, to think and ask myself if I'm reading too much into what you've said, trying to find double-meanings that might not actually be there.
Except, it doesn't feel like I'm doing that. It doesn't feel like I'm looking for double-meanings. Not really, I don't think.

You said what you did.
And now I'm just wondering what you meant by all of it.
But mostly, I'm just struck by this feeling of not knowing what to say to you.
Not right now at least.

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