Thursday, April 22, 2010

my breath catching, my fingers- stilled

I love Hong Kong:D
More so in the winter than the summer, but then,
I don't quite remember summers there. I don't know if I've even been.

This is my Godma, Abby.
She's one of those insanely beautiful people who are beautiful because of their personality and just like, everything put together. She's mommy's age, but I guess she doesn't look it because she didn't go through the trauma of childbirth.
(and don't we love you for it mommy!)

mm, Hong Kong, yummy(:

So today I talked about things I don't usually talk about out loud. It's usually all in my head, and even though it get pretty loud in there, I don't think it's ever been spoken about in detail. Not out loud, not in real life.
It was a bit strange.
And uhm, I don't quite know how to feel about it.
Not just how I feel but what I've said, now that it's been said out loud and how to feel about how I feel, so on and so forth.

I don't quite like realization sometimes. The moment it hits you that, "uh oh, I said what?"
Or that maybe, even though this difference is supposed to be a good thing, the strands of fear that are a lot more familiar than you'd like might just be starting to thread itself under your skin.
And the thought (that doesn't always necessarily lead to realization) that maybe, it's all just what you're making it out to be.
That thought, it kind of tends to make one freeze up, just a little bit.

A lot of things get me a tad confuzzled right now. And I wish I could sort it out better.
But I can't seem to.
All I've ever done is dissect things and put it into words. Clear words that I can bite into and understand. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't sort anything out in my head these days.
So instead, I'll just waddle off, grab me a malted soy milk and have a night time smoke or three.

Hong Kong awaits:D

Goodnight furry children of the world!

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