Monday, February 25, 2008


I think i'm evil.
When you mess up your own perfect relationship, you subconsciously want to inflict that same suffering on others. First thing you do, without even realizing it, is mess up someone else's relationship the same way yours was messed up. After that you find yourself playing with hearts. Like a cat plays with it's prey- letting it run for a bit before pulling it in again. Knowing full well that it's got the rat right where it should be, knowing the rat's doom but giving it false hope.
Perhaps, having had my first love and first cut, scar, mark, this is who i'll end up. I sure hope not.

Should i be blamed, girls like, well, like this?
Where all you're met with is unrequited love and you don't feel a thing for the people who are into you. Where a girl like this, learns to reciprocate. Then grows up, understands, and learns. So when she finally falls in love and the feeling is mutual, and it still screws up, what happens then?

I feel like an eleven year old all over again.

Guys like fucking the chicks in leather and metal,
but they take home the good girls.

I should have known, all this while.

But i shouldn't become someone i am not, just because.
That's just plain stupid.
This is where girls mean so much more to me than guys.
I could never play around with a girl, that's too much a guy thing. Don't you notice how us girls look past everything. It's just so simple, to bring home a girl-
whether she's pierced and tattooed or quiet and geeky.
It's different with guys and different when a guy brings you home. How horribly judged you are.

I'm starting to rant, so i'm gonna stop.

Hello upcoming year, i'll spend alone with you.
Oh oh, how could i forget, and my Darling Red Sweet too.

They've both got shes, now.

Alone time(:

Perhaps i'm like Estelle or Miss Havisham.
Perhaps i am just as doomed as the hearts that i play with.

-- December 18th 2007

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