Saturday, December 31, 2011
Too early in the game
Aah, but I thought
I'd ask you just the same
What are you doing New Year's
New Year's eve?
Wonder whose arms
Will hold you good and tight
When it's exactly
Twelve o'clock that night
Welcoming in the New Year
New Year's eve
Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
I'd ever be the one you chose
Out of a thousand invitations
Aah, but in case
I stand one little chance
The jackpot question in advance
What are you doing New Year's?
New Year's Eve?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
I'm a bundle of nerves right now. It's like my heart's rattling about, bouncing of bones and just.
Scene One take two. Speed, mark it-
I'm a bundle of nerves.
But I'll pull through. Don't I always?
But I can do this, I can. I always have.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
And then the other half of you is left floating.
Floating in a way that almost makes you uncomfortable. Floating in a way that makes you scared of the way you fall against a girl's skin and realize that her breath gives you rest.
Floating in a way that only roots you in the way it's unfamiliar- nice, but unfamiliar.
Maybe, could you just, hold me.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Reminds me of Christmases with short hair and scarves even though I was here, and strutting about town and taking turns to pout for his camera.
Reminds me of being sixteen and free and happy and writing and a at the doorway to the world of possibilities.
And now that I'm writing about it-
Corinne May reminds of being fifteen, meeting Enqing for the first time and being comfortable and sane and safe amongst people similar to me and getting lost in the rehearsals and the singing and the being.
And you, you kept me safe, in a crazy world.
-- Pastor Bill Johnson
Someone, someone help me, help me to breathe. To stop this churning in my chest and this burning in my eyes. The sound of rushing waterfalls in my ears- it's too much, all of it, it's all too much now.
Maybe, maybe if you cut me open you could help stop my insides from thrashing about in fear, keep my skin from spasming as the world breathes and breathes and breathes onto me.
Go away. Won't all of it just go away?
I don't need very much.
Just a dark little corner and a box of matches.
I could make wishes with each light.
I could pretend I'm alright
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
When I have options, I pick corners. Actually, I either pick tiny, tiny corners or large open spaces. It's this bizarre clash in my personality- extrovert meets introvert. There isn't a happy middle, it's always a little bit of both.
And so, when moving things about in my room, I often wonder if my choice of furniture location makes me feel at all claustrophobic. It doesn't.
I seem to find a tilt that I am comfortable with; Corners for me to hide in and feel safe, while creating an illusion of space so that it doesn't feel so cloistered.
It's important for me- finding just the right degree of whatever it is. And I don't suppose my spaces are often the ones that would be deemed as having good feng shui. But hey, the space is mine.
And I am safe.
And the cat's in the cradle
Friday, December 2, 2011
I spent the whole of last month fretting. Close to tears and on the brink of insanity. Hating myself for wanting something so much.