Friday, February 29, 2008

SEVERE BRAIN INFECTION

I am utterly disgusted with myself.

I might as well be honest-
Even though i'm not a fan of Wendy Cheng, i drop by her blog occasionally.
What i'm in for are consistent bloggers.
She doesn't fit into that category but it's not too bad if you drop by like once in a few months. Her pictures of shopping sprees are interesting though that's as far as it goes.

ANYWAY
i am disgusted with myself because, while i often ignore her whole clicktv promotion, the whole acupuncture-to-lose-weight got my attention.
And after watching that, (and killing a couple of brain cells) I clicked on another one (death of more brain cells) and also, shoot me please, watched her shopping around Ikea.
it wasn't very interesting and don't ask me why i sat through it.

Now my brain has to re-solidify itself after becoming absolute slush.

On a much more interesting note, i am insanely happy with my gorgeous shoes.
Everytime I look at them, i find myself smiling.

I'm sending in my assignment soooon!
YAY ME,
MS UBER GEEK.

I'm having dinner with Santi-lin later at Clarke Quay's central.
My stomach's being a freaking bitch right now

Thursday, February 28, 2008

liar liar, thongs on fire

I lied-

a part of me is fantastically happy still because of my gorgeous shoes
but another part is upset and fucking tired
and
in desperate need of a drink

FANTASTICALLY HAPPY

Meet my new, insanely gorgeous pair of shoes.
After nights of dreaming of buying a particular pair of shoes from Aldo (they weren't these babies though and didn't look HALF as good),
i finally went down to Raffles City's ALDO.

Okay i had two main reasons to go down to City Hall.
The first, was to go visit Bird while she was workiing and
The second (I swear it came as second priority) was to check out Aldo. ESPECIALLY if i went down and didn't get to see her/ talk to her.

After spending a very fruitful late afternoon studying at one of my favouritest places to study- Raffles Place- i went down to City Hall for precisely that.
Well i DID see Bird, though i didn't get to talk to her (i must have looked so stupid, looking like i was oggling at a random uniformed person with white-ish hair sticking out from her little chef's hat).
After that, i went from one end of the basement to the other, desperate to find Aldo.
i thought i was going absolutely crazy because i couldn't find it at all. I did in the end, the moment i went upstairs though. haha.
Stupid me.

ANYWAYYYYY
I checked out shoes and whatnot (like zomg, 49-dollar Aldo heels? unheard of!)
and finallyyyy reached for the familiar (the others were still at 200-dollars and all).
The Familiar, was well, familiar, because twin has them. And they look fantastic.

I tried on a size that was supposedly bigger, but due to the very tight cut, it was an absolutely perfect fit.
I freaking swear, match-made in heaven.
Sooooooo,
I signed for them and these babies are now mineeeee!
And yes, i paid 97 bucks for them while twin paid like $195. I'd feel shitty, but weeeeell, she still looks fab in them anyways so what the hell.


Oh yes, didn't i mention?
They're six-inchies! ((((:
Okay, well not really as i've just found out. They're more like hmmm five and a half inch.
I was a tad disappointed when i whipped out my ruler (i'm the only one who does that).
But close enough, and at least i won't die from the height.

In case you didn't know, it's basically thirteen centimeters dearie.


sigh(:
Complete and utter perfection.

Ms Uber Geek

i randomly missed bird like incredibly.
and then i read about how much she was missed on vee's blog too.
That's how much she's been missing from our lives. hmmmm.

okay i'm gonna go visit you and send a swarm of your small smelly fans screaming your name into the back of the shop.
hurr.

I have officially finished the first draft of my first assignment!
In i-am-too-slow-to-unnersand-charese's-cheem-engrand-terms,
it basically means that all i've to do now, is tidy up the three essays i've written for my first assignment, type it out and
TA DA
submit it to a professor way over there who's pretty much no more than an imaginary figure to me right now.

You guys are sooooo not gonna believe this.
It is so incredibly hilarious, the mere idea, let alone the realization that-
(piece this together yourselves)

1) Well i turned up for orientation today. late as usual but then, guess what.
I WAS FIRST.

2) Out of ten students, only three decided to turn up. And we've all figured by now that only the uber geeks bother to show up.
And gee, did i mention that I was first?

3) FINALLY.
I AM THE ONLY PERSON (out of the group of three elite-geeks as i will now call us) WHO HAS ACTUALLY STARTED ON ASSIGNMENTS.

Is this absolutely unbelievable or what?

The girl beside me, who's from Malaysia, talked in a way that made me cringe, made small talk with me and in the end asked me for my number (I've never understood the whole, let's swap numbers even though we've only known each other for a quarter of a second thing),
she admitted that she hadn't even logged into the portal!
She dutifully took down notes that were already printed out and hasn't even been to SEE what she's setting herself up for.

The other lady was all like, i'm taking a diploma but nehnee nehnee poopoo, hasn't started on her assignments either.

And not only have i STARTED, i'm about 50 metres away from FINISHING my first assignment.
BOOOYAAA
I AM UBER GEEK AND I WILL FOREVER REIGN. muahahahahahahahaha.

And did you know what I did, IMMEDIATELY after the talk/orientation/familiarization/ whateveration?
I WENT TO COFFEE BEAN AND STUDIED!
gaaaaasp!
You guys should all go buy your lottery tickets like right now because, any second now, the moon will turn blue and LOOK! DID YOU SEE THAT?
A PIG JUST FLEW PAST YOUR HEAD!

yepyepyep
and Ms Uber Geek mugmugmugged until Enqing came and sat down and talked about how he was talking to trees and seeing flying cars because the world must be upside down considering that I've gotten the study-bug.

I THINK BEE SOUNDS CUTE (it really really really does! And so does the whole idea of you in a funky black and white costume pretending to be a suicide bomber by stinging people!)

Okay, so Bee and I eventually moved off and went for supper AFTERWHICH
we saw theeeeeee cutest mini schnauzers! OMGOMG. FREAKING IN LOOOOOVE!
You probably know how i'm very much a cat person. But i was so taken with the little gasp-like pants and tiny tongue and and and, the way she put her dinky paws up and looked out of such adorable eyes!
More walking later, we saw a kitten! (Gosh, today must be animal dayyyy)
Well she wasn't a kitten, but not far off either.
She was tiny though. Tiny, as in, very small due to lack of food and TLC and of course, suffering majorly from TEOTCC.
Which everyone knows means, The Emptiness Of The Cutest Charis which is of utmost importance to any living creature (can you tell i'm like insanely hyped up today?).
Anyway, I picked her up and we kind of got a bit attached to each other for a while, though eventually i put her down and walked awayyyy.

):

I WANT A KITTY AND A MINI SCHNAUZER!

SO
considering how i was very aware that my Thursday is coming (and don't i love thursdays!),
i had to major cravings-

1) Go out and drink lots and enjoy the beach breeze
OR
2) Go out and study late

Clearly, I chose the latter today.

I've been dreaming of my gorgeous Aldo shoes.
So pretty and perfect and beautiful.
I swear, i've been dreaming of them. It's so real that i can feel myself fitting my foot in.
This is insane. I'm going to get it!
N-A-O!

well, not literally.
Okay.
My energy's somewhat drained now dearies.
Time for me to crawl into bed and shreeeep.

Aldo shooooosieees for my feeeeeeeties!

waiting



So here we go again, a gin please.
yes honey, pour me a glass.
Just like you've done for her and oh her too,
im pretty sure.
its just as logical as im synical and psychologically impaired.
So.
The cup half empty, i spilled it all.
Its' life, my luck its still your call.
Always was anyway.
but you never call.
So-
I'll still be here waiting with episodes from the OC and chocolate milk in hand.
I never was good with daily planners and tongue lashing
was always better with my hands and at lip crashing.
But we never went there did we?
3 years and you never took a sip.
and there i was.
fibbing,
lying,
Im with my "sister"and crying.
Him.
him.
he.
Him.
and Him.
coming back.
Taking off.
Its no wonder you had enough.
I get it, she saved you.
You deserve her-
Wonder woman-rock and roll queen and All.
Its been written on themilkyways,
And im glad like a furry caterpillar.
SO
kiss her for me and dry her ears from the monsoons.
I'll be standing somewhere outside.
Waiting for someone to save me too.
and hopefully,
It'll
be
you

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Bargain -01

You would never have thought this could have happened to you. You would never have thought that it could even happen in real life, let alone to you. Yet here you are, standing in the basement of some crazy guy’s house, in a location you never even knew existed.

No one beside the person who called you knows where you are. If I got the chance to, I would have told you what a bad move you made. I would tell you that you should have called the police instead. If I got the chance to talk to you, and if you had the chance to reply, then you would tell me that this is the one thing where you do not want to take any risks. You would tell me that you now realize the power of fear and you are not in control. You have felt fear hold your heart in a cold grip and I could never even begin to understand that. When you picked up the anonymous phone call, something told you that the person on the other end of the line was far from kidding. You could tell he was enjoying himself immensely and you realized with a horrible pang, that this guy loved every minute of the sick, twisted game he had created. That is why you cannot take any risks, and that is why you chose not to call the police.

Tonight is Thursday, which means Ladies’ Night at Cheeky Monkey’s, where on a normal Thursday night, you and your girlfriends would be relishing the free flow of mixed drinks and good music while ignoring your mother’s persistent calls. Of course, tonight is far from a normal night, without your best friend beside you in the crowded club, and your mother not home to worry. Tonight, the world is just completely and utterly wrong, and every moment since you received that anonymous phone call has just felt like a dream. You close your eyes for a moment, willing yourself to wake up from this nightmare, willing the image in front of you to disappear.

“Doesn’t feel real, does it?” The voice startles you, and you almost forget to catch your breath. The voice sounds familiar, but you cannot seem to remember who it belongs to. I come up behind you, and you are frozen with fear, so much so that you do not even dare to turn around and face me. I know how scared you are, and I feed off it. Your fear simply increases my confidence. “Don’t worry sweetheart,” I say into your ear, my voice scratchy and hoarse, “It will soon feel real, I promise.” You can smell the alcohol in my breath, but you choose to ignore it and re-focus on what is in front of you.

There are two thick poles on either side of a small platform, both about 3 meters tall and just wide enough for a person to balance on with two feet. Suspended above each pole is a thick rope, tied in a noose. Your mother and your best friend are balanced precariously on each pole, hands and feet tied with rope, blindfolded and gagged, with the noose around each of their necks. You never knew such fear existed and yet, here you are, more fearful for their lives than yours. Just one slight movement of one of their feet could send them off balance, off the pole and snapping their neck on immediate impact. You do not even notice that you are crying until you feel your neck wet. You notice too, that your mother’s blindfold is soaked and you guess that she knows that it is you who has been called down. Somehow you know that she is crying for you, rather than for herself.

Without turning around, you ask, “What do you want?” My laughter is arrogant and I explain that, I do not want anything. This, this is all for you. “Choose between your mother and your best friend. Choose carefully, one will live and one will go home with you.” I say.

You take slightly longer than you should to reply, and when you do, your voice is barely a whisper. It is unrecognizable, even to you. “May I exchange my life for both of theirs?” You ask me, “Please?” I am stunned at your request. The fun of this whole game was finding out who you would choose to live and who you would let die as a direct result of your choice. Of course, I cannot let you know my shock so I simply tell you what an extraordinary choice you have made but your request will definitely be met. I blindfold you before untying your mother and best friend. I make them both stay in the room as I put you on the very same pole your mother stood on just minutes before. As I slip the noose over your head I ask you why you made the choice you did, you tell me that it is a bargain, one life for both of theirs.

I take of your blindfold and you stare in speechless shock at me, the person who has put you through this ordeal. You ask me why I did this and perhaps it is because I am slightly moved by your selfless choice for your mother and best friend, but I decide to tell you the reason why I made you suffer like this. I remind you of what you had told me towards the end of our relationship. You had told me that your friends and family will always come first and nothing, not even me, after all I had given up for you, would ever change your priorities. I had given up my music career for you. I had given up so much for you, so much and until now, I would never understand why you would not change your priorities. When I brought you here to choose between your mother and your best friend, I really did not expect the choice you made. Perhaps to you I am crazy, but after all that I gave up for you in our relationship, I don’t think it was wrong for me to want to be your first priority.

You start to cry and at the end of the room I can hear your mother screaming, so before either of us can do anything, I push you off the pole. Even as I do that, I realize that I have to agree with you, that it was a good bargain after all. Your life, for the lives of the two people you love most.

(c) Charis Vera Ng December 2006

Siempre Me Quedara

Siempre Me Quedara
(translated)
I'LL ALWAYS KEEP

How to say that I get broken in a thousand pieces
the tips of my bones?
That all the schemes in my life have gone wrong.
Now that all was perfect
And more than this,
You sucked my mind and talked [kindly]
about the weight of this little body of mine
has become a river
of this little body of mine
that has become a river.

It's difficult opening my eyes
and I do it slowly
in case you are still withing seeing distance
I keep your memory
as the best secret
It was so sweet having you inside me.

There's a piece of light
in this darkness
to lend me some peace.
Time calms everything:
the tempest and the calm.
Time calms everything:
the tempest and the calm.

I'll always keep:
the soft voice of the sea,
breathing again the rain that will fall
over this body
and will wet
the flower that grows inside me,
and laughing again,
and every day, for an instant, thinking again
you

Look what's coming back to haunt you, Charis

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

THE COSTARS!


Welcome to a new episode of THE COSTARS!

She's bitter,
I'm sweet
and He's popular!

Now in this episode, there's really only one character-
Me, the sweet one.

Chrissy's in ACSI (Idependent) now, and who would've guessed! That three years after the show, she'd REALLY be back in the school, studying.
Meanwhile,
Ivan Sabastien Cheng is still quite in touch with me. The little darling is currently doing his National Service and (by gosh! has time really flown that fast?) will be nineteen this year.

That's all for your five minute update of
THE COSTARS!

She's bitter,
I'm sweet
and He's popular!

Remember kids! Stay in school, don't smoke pot and always practice safe sex!

cold morning wind

Today didn't go to waste. (or so i keep telling myself)


I studied a little, worked, took a four hour nap.
You'd kill to be me, i know.
I would too, i think to myself sometimes. Then again, it is tough, and i don't particularly fancy falling asleep with next weeks schedule running through my head.

I'm very pleased with myself because within a week, I've managed to finish two-thirds of my assignment.
One more question to go and TA DA, that'll be the official handing in of my first assignment.

Aldo is having a fantabulously amazing sale.
And don't we all know what gorgeous shoes they have?
Can you hear it? Do you hear what i hear?
It's my alarm clock going off to tell me IT'S TIME FOR SOME SHOE SHOPPING BABY!

When i live on my own (or am married, or like whatever), I need to be damn sure that i will have a walk in closet.
I am insanely anal about my shoes.
Arrangement-wise, believe it or not.
Unless they're sports shoes or slippers, i absolutely DO NOT leave them lying around. Gasp! What a completely ludicrous THOUGHT!

So, when i have my own space, my precious(es) will be on shelves, tilted the right angle, out of the sunlight to avoid bleaching and whatnot. etc.

Aren't you starting to hate me darling. heh.

I've got a show tomorrow, and i'm doing Carol's role. Which really sucks because I'm not very familiar with it. eurgh.

Monday, February 25, 2008

The stranger who was yourself

You will love again, the stranger who was yourself
- Derek Walcott's Love After Love

It's so strange you know,
getting so completely absorbed in what feels like another life.

It was like,
it was a completely different person writing.
Someone killing herself, every single day for the wrong she'd done him.

The guilt wasn't unwarranted of course, not really.
But gosh, there were like three pages worth of entries in that category!
Each page having about fifteen entries, mind you.

I suppose i did, and still do, have a problem of repeating myself like a complete fuckhead.

It was sobering, reading all those entries. Having the wave of emotions that only come with you tiptoeing along the edge of feeling that you have not felt in ages and would rather not plunge into all over again.
I was such a sad, different person then.

Really, I was.

If i read my own blog, as some random stranger and like, read it.
I'd feel such sorrow for the author.

Okay, maybe it's because i was burying myself in the category labeled Love n War, instead of bothering with my other everyday stuff.
But i mean, the bulk of my blog posts were in this very same category.
I couldn't have been a very happy person now could I?

hmmmm

blast from the fucking past

oh my goodness.

My old blog closed down last year and i pretty much made no attempt to save my writings.
But then, i found it.
i found them, all my old writings, on my old blog.
So i've been copying and pasting some of them.

I guess i do like some of the stuff that I write, sometimes.
hahaha

I'm sorry if i've flooded you with crap you don't care about darling.

This is like, stepping into a time machine;
Getting lost in your old attic and finding a part of you that you thought had died.

Mist of grey upon tumbling walls

Crosses will fall into the flames, fire will be fought with fire.
Corners will hold tiny burnt bodies, trapped by fallen beams that once held a house together.
No more will there be people.

Its aching cry will stretch across oceans and bounce off icebergs from so far away,
and then there will come a silence.
A silence so loud it rings mercilessly in your ears and you find yourself wishing for those horrible screeches you once detested.

I will fall, flying.
The taste of your lips still on mine and the smell of you in my hair and on my skin.
I will fall, believing.
So maybe i will live and maybe i will not. When it gets that far, we're back to square one.
Correction, you'll be back to square one. Alone.

Perhaps it will be you, holding my limp body in the sand as my fingers brush against your arm, falling.
Perhaps it will be you, crying like i did, except it won't make me respond.

Boats will sail as they always have. Granite floors give way in fear.
A woman will fall, clutching at the stone facade - nails breaking, arms aching, eyes filling with tears of painful realization.
Perhaps you will be there.

Perhaps you will be there, to catch her as she falls. And she will fall into your arms screaming.
still inside, i am dying, though already dead.

Doomed

I think i'm evil.
When you mess up your own perfect relationship, you subconsciously want to inflict that same suffering on others. First thing you do, without even realizing it, is mess up someone else's relationship the same way yours was messed up. After that you find yourself playing with hearts. Like a cat plays with it's prey- letting it run for a bit before pulling it in again. Knowing full well that it's got the rat right where it should be, knowing the rat's doom but giving it false hope.
Perhaps, having had my first love and first cut, scar, mark, this is who i'll end up. I sure hope not.

Should i be blamed, girls like, well, like this?
Where all you're met with is unrequited love and you don't feel a thing for the people who are into you. Where a girl like this, learns to reciprocate. Then grows up, understands, and learns. So when she finally falls in love and the feeling is mutual, and it still screws up, what happens then?

I feel like an eleven year old all over again.

Guys like fucking the chicks in leather and metal,
but they take home the good girls.

I should have known, all this while.

But i shouldn't become someone i am not, just because.
That's just plain stupid.
This is where girls mean so much more to me than guys.
I could never play around with a girl, that's too much a guy thing. Don't you notice how us girls look past everything. It's just so simple, to bring home a girl-
whether she's pierced and tattooed or quiet and geeky.
It's different with guys and different when a guy brings you home. How horribly judged you are.

I'm starting to rant, so i'm gonna stop.

Hello upcoming year, i'll spend alone with you.
Oh oh, how could i forget, and my Darling Red Sweet too.

hah.
They've both got shes, now.

Alone time(:

Perhaps i'm like Estelle or Miss Havisham.
Perhaps i am just as doomed as the hearts that i play with.

-- December 18th 2007

Imperfect Fit

He climbed into the driver's seat, beside me. Starting to tell me about the awful accident and the state of his involved vehicle.
"Aww, poor baby"
I leaned over for his hand, drawing circles on his palm with my index finger, listening intently and sympathetically.

When familiar faces came up in front of the windscreen, smiling laughing and waving, he waved back, then slipped my hand into his.
I turned to him, a tad suprised, but he smiled back at me. I really liked his smile.
Our fingers awkwardly entwined, i let go to slip my hand into his, properly this time. But i couldn't.

Our hands,
they didn't fit perfectly.

-- December 20th 2007

Special Secret Place

I have a special secret place.
Beautiful, tranquil and nothing less that perfect, it is an imagery in my mind and yet so incredibly vivid that i can feel the temperature each time i am there.

It is all white, and there are no walls, except a small corner where i usually find myself when I've arrived, finding myself too dirty and insignificant to be there. I'm always in rags, and younger than i am. Eventually, i always find myself crawling into the lap, seated upon the throne and everytime, I am overwhelmed with such a sense of security and safety.

I have a special secret place.
Significant only to me, untouched and unknown to the world, until today.
I come here at my lowest and at my highest,
at the peak of depression or euphoria.

Sometimes when i'm there, a rush of images come with.
Images i've seen before;
My own baby hand against my Father's,
dreams with faceless people but where i finally recognize them.

I have a special secret place,
where no one can go but me.
And it is amidst everyday chaos that i can slip into my special secret place,
and just,
breathe.

one more night

Try as he might,
he's unable to speak
Grabs her by the hair,
strokes her on the cheek
The bed is unmade,
like everything is
Dark little heaven at the top of the stairs

Take me like that
ruin it all
then build it again
by the light in the hall

He drops to his knees,
says Please, My love, please
I'll kill who you hate,
take off that dress you won't freeze.

One more night,
that was a good one.
One more night,
I dreamed it was a good one,
One more,
One more night,
that was a good one
One more night,
The end should be a good one.
A good one

Miss Pre-teen Illinois

1) Miss Pre-teen Illinois

Hate how she's so annoyingly perfect (surface-wise at least).
Hate how it's like, every other thing she does i vaguely endearing and THEREFORE, annoying.
Perfect-graded, quite pretty, good singer/actress. But all in an annoying way!
Or how it can't be, but it quite well seems that it's her first production because she is strangely close to everyone else in a way that no one is and seems, even though it's ages after the show, that she has actually established some form of a relationship.

I don't like un professionalism. This is it.
I'm a bitch

Something to blog about it

I studied today!(: YAY ME!
Shit, aren't I a retard.

I used to have lots to say, grievances rant on about,
dirty laundry to air.
Now there's not much anymore.
hmmm

No random, amazing epiphanies.
No fantastic things going on in my life.

Wait, the strange thing is, people always tell me that my life is eventful.
Because I'm doing project after project after project.
The thing is, during the projects, like Chingay for instance, my most recent one, I'm too insanely busy to blog about it.
And i pretty much figure you're not all that interested either.

I used to blog about them anyway though.
Cos if you know me, you'd know i don't really give a droplet of shit about whether or not you're reading and what you think. But then the work piled on.
And each event starts being real similar to the last, so much so that the edges blur and it's just like one huge long series of events.
Making it hard to write about my events differently cos they kinda sound the same to me.

WEE UPDATE:
1) Buy DNA magazine when it's out. I'll probably blog about it when it is, and it ought to be soooon.

2) Catch Crimewatch on Channel five at 9pm on March 23rd.
Or not, cos i'll look like shit (this is not false humility. i am in fbts -the small ones, not the baggy ones- and a tee that i wouldn't be caught dead in. But oh look, Singapore's gonna see it so i ought to go kill myself like right now)

3) Check out Doingfine.org -
The link is on the side. I'm wondering if it's a non-profit thing because well, i always wonder that.
And i kinda think there's something good about having content that is so different from the usual.
Oh go check it out yourselves.

4) Some random place in my mouth kinda hurts right now. Like my gum got stabbed.

OH LOOK!
i found something to blog about after aaaaaaall.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

almost lover


Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

______________________________

sobering up, evidently.

Do you ever ask, What If?
I do.
All the time
Dictionary of Dating ...
DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man’s term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is


-----

can you tell i'm bored?

HAPPY BELATED V DAY

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

FUCKING IRREPLACEABLE

i join in, though it's late,
to wish you a belated Valentine's Day((:

an attempt to quell your monday blues

Note: A couple of the following might not be suitable for the um,
cleaner/younger ones.

Q: Why did Freud cross the road?
A: Hmm, and when did you first notice this interest in roads?

Q: How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I dunno. The bastards all run away when the light goes on.

Q: How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?
A: He doesn’t. He establishes "darkness" as the standard and makes everybody go along.


Q: Why is the space between a woman’s tits and her hips called a waist?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in the space between them.

Q: How is a penis like fishing?
A: The small ones get thrown back, the average ones are eaten nicely, and the large ones are considered souvenir material.

Q: How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?
A: Spit.

______________________________

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.

They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.

The wife asked, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"

To which she responded, "Three years."

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"

"31 years old" , she replied.

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"

______________________________

Sniraffe



We were at my place, and Enqing was chatting with Victor.
How it went was, while Victor was busy helping me with something, Enqing and i started having a conversation in the same convo box about how he was a snake and i was a giraffe.
Somehow, Victor ended up being both,
making him a SNIRAFFE.
Which is, obviously, a snake with a blue tongue.

My blogger keeps failing to autosave):
I'm rather worried.
in places no one will find,
all your feelings so deep inside
was there that i realized
that forever was in your eyes
the moment i saw you
cry
something about you

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I am insanely annoyed right now.
You watch a tiny baby fall asleep in its cot, and you're overwhelmed with this want, to do everything in your power to keep the world away.
To preserve innocence, to keep toufu skin from having even a scratch.



These thoughts don't seem stranger to me,
they fit easily into my head, nestling into dark corners, in between next month's agenda and all my reasons to quit smoking.

You can hear a person's hurt and angst, and, strangely, you can feel it too.
and you can cry. and you can be rendered speechless, helpless.
Common knowledge, that you can't say anything to make it okay.
Worse still, you're not right there.

I wish i could do more, but i feel so inept.

There's so much more i could say, i realize.
So many more words and alphabets to fill the empty space.
But i realize too that, there actually isn't.

There is nothing left to say about any of it.
Only what's important-

You will pull through, sweetheart.

You will.

Incrimination

http://www.vimeo.com/716392

Incrimination by Brian Lee Tan

Some of you have seen the really old show Vendetta. It was pretty good, especially coming from someone in secondary school.
This is the same guy, doing the same thing that he does best((:

Check it out darlings, he might very well be the next Jerry Bruckwhatshisname
:D:D

Friday, February 22, 2008

Ever just the same

My mini retail therapy session yesterday resulted in my buying two lovely lovely instrumental jazz cds.
The third song is A Whole New World.

Sorry, that was quite, quite random.

There're a couple of disney songs, (you know what an absolute sucker i am) and mostly movie songs. ie; My heart will go on (Titanic), I will always love you (Bodyguard)
stuff like that.

I went for an audition today.
It was very nice, very relaxed and i loved chatting with Melanie. Somehow, i didn't like, feel weird or like i was just babbling while she nodded politely.
I'm very drawn to her character and really want to play it((:

Akira's coming over at half past five later on.
I've to decide if i wanna go over to daddy's place later. hmmmmmmmm

I ought to take a nap first though.
Because i'm a grotesque slug who enjoys feeling my brain turn into slush.

Zachy's sleeping on his side, turning away from me.
Even though he didn't exactly do it on purpose, it kinda still gets to me.
Do you know what i mean?

I'll shut up.
Saxaphone is loooooove((:

Thursday, February 21, 2008

breathe-
thatmomentwillcomewon'tit,perhapsitalreadyhas.perhapsitishere,righthereinfrontofmeandi'm
staringbackatitsayingnononothiscan'tbereal.

Why're You so amazing?
Handing out blank cheques, Your salvation for free but then, not cheap?
How can there be so many answers to a single question, how can one answer be more right than another?

Will You answer this then?
It was posed to you, after all, this question i have here. This question i have, cupped in my hands and spilling out

If there is such a thing then,
give me an answer.
An answer righter than the rest

my darlin', believe me

video

I received the pictures(and videos) of the christmas gig i did with Enqing at White Sands.

This is-in my opinion- the better video of the two.
i do wish we had videos of all our better performances but oh wells. not much we can do now darlings.

There's something awfully simple about this. i don't quite know how to explain it. But i really miss that part of my life right now, for the weirdest reason ever.

hmmmm

anyway,
today's show went a lot better than yesterday's.
Right after, i went down to ACJC to give my baby beau moral support.

Aunty Kheng Mui is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS OKAY, i fucking sweeeaaar.
When i walked into the room, she said i shouldn't dress so sexy cos people can't run, they'll fall over themselves. hahaha
Then she insisted we should put V's art pieces around the room so that they will keep seeing it and her utter brilliance. She also took my huge Dior shades and said she should wear it into the admin office and pretend to be blind!

I was in absolute hysterics okay, i swear.

Gave Jumper a miss, but perked myself up with bits of shopping before coming home for dinner. The one day a week we get to have dinner together(:

i'm off to indulge myself in fantabulous music. Betcha wish you were meeeeeeeeeee

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Leap of Love

Janice tells me that all my model friends have really cool names like
Danielle(in the shiny pink top, far left) and Charyle (top right hand corner, beside me. pronounced cherry-al).
Anyway, the only guy (as usual) in the middle, is Fizzy, one of the most awesomest designers evereverever in my opinion. Especially when he's lumped into the same catergory as N and L who can't really design or who design stuff which curls in random places when it wasn't meant to be like that.

Okay, sorry, random picture and stuffs underneath.

YOU GUYS HAVE TO FREAKING WATCH THE LEAP YEARS ON 29TH FEBRUARY 2008.
I went for the premiere last night and it was just fantabulous.

It's a really really sweet, beautiful love story which i'm an absolute sucker for.
I'll admit it, i didn't have very high expectations because it's, well, locally produced. But i sweaaaaar, it's the most beautiful local thing i've seen.
Way better than lets see, Just Follow Law (because i've an adverse reaction to singlish), though even THAT show was one of the good ones.

Okay if you know me, you'll know i'm an absolute sucker for good storylines, lovely acting, good english and fab music. So if i say something is good, believe me, it's good. Cos i'm totally disgustingly anal.

I'd give this show a four and a half out of five! i sweeeaaaar.

Okay, to be fair, i'll touch on the bad bits. The only bad bits were the ones with the daughter. The main character's daughter that is. It doesn't take up a lot of the film, but i just thought her acting wasn't fabulous though she's easy on the eyes. On top of that, (you know this is something that irks me no end) her accent was rather faked. Faked with it being a tad obvious that it was, well, faked.
She was a bit of a ruiner but it didn't throw the entire show out the window.


Lilin's acting was really really good, and everyone else's too of course. I guess her accent switched around a bit, but it wasn't very bad.
ANDANDAAAAAND
Mommy was fantastic(:

Okay i know you won't believe me, but i'm not being biased.
Usually I kinda cringe when i see her on local tv playing those super auntyaunty roles with gross put on singlish (i think i'm falling into that trap too). But she was really good in this one, very much like, well, real life.
She speaks in cantonese most of the time, so it's nice hearing her.

Okay, so now i've just given you one more reason to watch the show.
ANOTHER REASON is that the music was beautiful.
I'm an absolute sucker for nice soft music and looooove Corinne May. Well, i'll leave you to guess then.

Vern's playing a lesbian in the show, HOWEVER it wasn't played up, which i thought was a shame. Nonetheless, we've to remember the country we're in. Acting was really cute though.
Paula and Nadia were really amazing too and they're both like, super hot in real life.
Nadia's pregnant with baby number 3 now, and it's cute seeing her all skinny and flat in the show and she comes out SO pregnant now. hahaha.

Paula kinda reminds me of Carla actually. It's funny, maybe we won't be that far off soon. hahaha

i need to shut up and sleeeeeeeeeeeeep

Monday, February 18, 2008

Jill is dead


Something inside me feels like it's dying

The last nineteen seconds

He felt her slip her hand into his.
Becoming again, that same girl in the playground who punched someone out for picking on him.

She shifted closer to him, and he could smell her shampoo and the fruity body spray from Victoria Secret.
Blood on both their hands now-
She lifted her eyes, just a little, to look at him for a moment before looking back at her boyfriend.
No, ex-boyfriend now wasn't it?
Now that her bullet was in his stomach and there was another in his head.

He put a finger to his lips and smiled, and she smiled back too.
And that,
was all that mattered.

Night Out with Charyle at the Bungy Bar

Photographs, as promised. It wasn't that difficult to get, considering Charyle and Yours Truly are such utter camwhores. hahahahah.

Well, this is the view from where I was sitting.
In the corner left of the picture, you'll see the back of a lady in a white top and three quarter pants. She's super hot and was celebrating her 30th birthday though we could've sworn she was only in her early twenties.
She asked to take a picture of us, and we told her to take the picture WITH us instead. So she got her friend Jason, who apologized for her being drunk, to take the picture. Afterwhich, out of courtesy i think, he sat down and chatted with us for a bit.


That's me and Charyle. I'm figuring you'd like to see pictures since only her name's been mentioned so far. hahaha
Omg. Isn't she estatic, now that i've kissed her! hahahaha.
Okay, i was kidding, that was my ego speaking



We figured that, for the oddest reason, my photo taking skills were better.
hahahaha


Model loooooooove!


If two people know each other's secret, then it's not really a secret anymore.
I won't tell if you don't-


Drunken stupor-
Hahaha
No, not really. Charyle doesn't get drunk, according to her and I, well, had very little to drink and can't seem to get drunk these days even when i try.


So that night, I gave Zouk a miss and dropped Charyle off before heading home where mommy gave me pizza and wings before I went to bed.

I think i might've said this before so I'm gonna shut up. hahahah

I'm still quite ill and feverish.
And there hasn't been much for me to throw together and eat.
Plus, i've to film and the worst bit, is that i'm gonna look like utter fucking crap.

I hope no one watches the show.
It's Crimewatch by the way, the first episode of the year. Though i don't know why i'm telling you this when I'd rather no one watch it.
I don't think I've a problem with the acting.

Just mainly the dressing cos i wasn't told what to wear and turned up looking like shit, thinking we'd be in uniforms.

argh. I don't want to even think about it.
Like TabTV wasn't bad enough):

Now i'm getting annoyed because, at least it sure as hell seems it to me right now,
i cannot get rid of retards, no matter where I go.

xoxo

Woke up at noon today, but i was too sick to be disgusted with myself.
Might have to give writers' group a miss because i'm not feeling that much better and will still have to go down for filming.

Anyway,
There's the Death Note movie marathon coming up.
Tickets are at $29 with free flow of popcorn and drinks. It shows Death Note 1 & 2, followed by the Death Note spin-off, featuring Death Note's cute detective: L
It only shows on Friday and Saturday at GV plaza and only on Friday at GV Grand.

I'm planning on going, ring me up if you wanna go too((:

A way out of hell

And we're all looking for a way out of hell.
Holding on to prayer, cos that's all we have left;
Facing giants, fighting our demons
Hoping to remember, that it's not us and that
there's someone else fighting.

We're all desperate for a way out of hell.
Head in our hands, crying in despair
wondering how to undo what's done.
Breaking chains like glass, filling up with emptiness
And turning,
back,
to the One we know who's always been right there.

We're all looking,
for a way out of hell

camwhoring and a million other pieces of flying shit

Okay, there's a few random pictures coming up.
All mostly unrelated to each other.



The camwhore inside came out for well, just a bit.
This is on the day of the actual Chingay

Everyone knows how i absolutely hate cockroaches, and this man is not far off.
mommy and i spotted him on the bus, very proud of his feelers (from what you can see in the picture). He kept on touching them to make sure they hadn't fallen off.

I, felt like throwing up.

Me, Chantelle and Fairli during one of our rehearsals at People's Association.
It's a shame Fairli couldn't make it for the end product cos she's like super pretty.
I had a bad hair cut there, shut up. I did it myself.

__________________________________

I can't remember the last time i was taken ill.
But i do remember having this sick-taste in my mouth. You know, the taste that kinda makes you know you're falling ill.
I remember being kissed and, right after, being called up and told to take panadol cos "I tasted sick."
I remember thinking it was the sweetest thing.

I remember the first Valentine's Day i spent with someone.
But of course, i never told him that I'd never been taken out on Valentine's Day before. At least, i don't think I did. That would have been a tad loserish now wouldn't it?
I remember being given a single blue rose, and, having a visitor the following day because I was ill and missed school.

Yes, i do wonder.

Well, this is my dinky little update.
Chingay's been and gone. I had absolutely no rest the entire week, save a really nice and quiet Valentine's Day.
Retards stressed me out and yes, even on the actual day itself, managed to screw up.
The week building up was a mad rush and the one day that i had off, was spent working.

At the last minute, Shilpee sprained her ankle and Nicolette got dengue. Poor things.
We then had to rope in people at the last minute and pray really hard that they'd get pull through.

The actual day of Chingay, I cancelled all appointments and the idea of sleeping in and came down at half past nine for makeup.
I woke up with a bad throat, trying to cough out phlegm that wasn't really there.
My fever started while I was sitting, freezing, reading my book.

Gave in, took a couple of panadols and felt a bit better.
Did the show and went out for drinks with Charyle at Clarke Quay.
I'll put up pictures when i get them((:

Today i missed church and stayed home, fighting demons, sleeping, and drinking soup.

The sick taste is back, i should go to sleep.
I've got filming again tomorrow, right before writer's group.

xoxo

Sunday, February 17, 2008

a little bit like nothing, i think.
i don't know
i really don't.

Hung out with Charyal tonight and had a really nice time talking and whatnot.
(bitchbitchbitch! i'm kidding)

i'm very ill right now;
Like fucking dying

Saturday, February 16, 2008

i am tired out of my fucking brain and my feeties hurt like a bitch

i can't breathe

goodnight

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

dice

I used to do this as a kid; Fall asleep in my food



whoopeee


I am so insanely tired that it's not even funny.
To top it off(as usual), the cherry on top of my chocolate fudge sundae,
is the fact that there really is no peace for the wicked.

I was supposed to have my Thursday all to myself. Was supposed to be able to slug around, wake up late, read, cross stitch, watch television (God forbid!), drink orange juice, stay up late the night before(Tonight).
But pah!
I've to work the entireeee dayyyyyy!

Not that i'm quite complaining of course because i absolutely love acting.
It's the first thing i fell in love with;
And when all else fails me and fades, when i can no longer churn out arty-sounding lyrics and sounds that i can call music,
acting will still stay.

Unfortunately, i have realized, it will take me a while to um, escape the typical typecasting.
I've been picked to do an Ah lian gang leader- again.
For the, hmm, third time straight in a series of filming stuff.
What are the odds.

Worse still, i really don't know how i'll pull it off considering my wannabe squeaky-clean image which, (shut up okay!) i am very proud of.
My eyes are stinging with my new contacts. Okay, it's just my left and i can't quite figure out what's wrong. hmmm.


Oh,
as of yesterday, I know of four couples (including yours truly) who had a ruined relationship as a direct cause of cheating.
Three out of four of those couples are back together and i am rather unnerved.


What a world this is,
that you have to hurt to learn and do things you can't see your own hands doing, as a final push to the brink that you've been edging towards for ages now.

Is one braver to stay and face life's cruelty or having the guts to jump out the window.
Most say the former,
but i think, either way, you lose

Everyone does. Lose i mean, because that's life.


Sometimes the gods play dice with the universe.
sometimes

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


no one loves what they can't see, or can't imagine seeing
what they can't hold, or can't imagine holding


pretty pearl necklaces still break,
mothers still cry
and little girls will always keep razors in their purses

shadow meeting shadow

she's a pretty little thing,
the little girl we picked out together.
i do wonder though, what happens when it's all over-

when all that's left are smouldering ashes and bits of a body that won't burn up.
when the dust settles and i turn to find that you're not there.
maybe because you haven't really been at all.
Maybe you're there because i want you to be there.
I see you because i want to, not because you're actually really there.

The best part of your last and final cigarette - before you embark on complete healthy living and all that jazz- is that final drag. Right up to the filter which you know you shouldn't do and which you normally wouldn't because you'd have more to smoke anyway. But the final time is different because you're not planning on having another to smoke again.
So that last drag, with the beginnings of the filter in it, can't be that bad.
And you flick away that tiny end, aiming as far as you possibly can and shooting even harder.

I spent about a hundred bucks within a matter of hours today. That's sort of scary.

I'm just back from rehearsals, exhausted and twitchy-eyed.
Dead silent phone, ringing silence.
Ticking clock and steady drip

so i hold tight to what i know,
You're here
and i'm never alone

I trust the unseen

cannonball

The wind howls, where i'm at.
And no, i'm not kidding.

I am so hypocritical sometimes that it's not funny.
That's why i don't like making promises i can't keep.

I hate what she's doing to herself right now.
Hate that someone so close to me is slowly killing herself and i'm right there,
staring at her,
watching her die and i can't fucking do anything about it.
All i can do is stand there, feeling like i started it.
Feeling like i jumped into the quicksand with her but pulled myself out and, though i'm trying to get her out too, she doesn't want to be pulled out.


I'm suddenly missing Michelle like crazy.
maybe it's because i received a postcard from her recently.
It kind of reminds me that i'll be missing DD like this much too, except,
it sucks more because we never really spent time together and really don't think she'd write random post cards.
hahahaha

I had a lovely time with victor this evening after a long while of studying.
must do this more often.

Here we go again,
the week's only just beginning now.

cannonball.




boom

Monday, February 11, 2008

"It's too early in the day to drink dearest, it's only ten you know."
"Okay mommy," Pours herself her fifth glass of sherry,
"guess I'll just have to polish this off without you then."
I think I need a break.
A nice, quiet one which can stretch from an afternoon to a few days.
Especially during this particularly hectic and testing week.

I'm gonna pick my baby sister up from school(:
it's been too long a while i suppose.
And i've forgotten.
Forgotten how it feels like to feel like this.

Perhaps this is the part where i scream and give up.

There're too many forever and evers that i've been asked to keep,
and i don't know if i can.
Not that i don't want to of course,
but what if i just,
can't?
darling,
do you shiver?
As the whisper of your name leaves my lips
in the frozen stillness
of
the night

random, i know

but i felt like doing just that-
being completely random.

i'm kind of annoyed because i keep forgetting my passwords and now i can't connect my phone and Heather via bluetooth.
On top of that, Heather's touchpad is suddenly really sensitive and keeps jumping.


On top of that,
i don't know you now, not anymore. How can i expect to, ever again?


if you're looking for something to do during kindness week,
run me over with a bus please.
Cos i'm way too tired to think

Sunday, February 10, 2008

"Helo! i Win. YOU SO HOT I REALLY LIKE YOU"
"Hello, you lose! You're not so hot, 'fraid no one likes you. goodbye"
Subsequent peals of laughter and odd looks from the family.

Church was nice and Ethan is handsome((:
I sang! Yay!

okay, i've got shit to do. Daddy's picking us up

Saturday, February 9, 2008

"You know what I don't like about you drinking? Your scarrs all start to show."

One, you girl who'll always hold my heart
Two, who can still make me cry
Three, who makes me smile and laugh. Who makes everything bad just completely disappear.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Chinese New Year buzzzzzz


If I could close my eyes, i'd see you.
Fingers pushing wisps of hair behind my ear.
Mess of shy smiles, sparkling juice and tinkling laughter.

If I could close my eyes,
I might not want to open them again.

We're all hit with the Chinese New Year buzz.
Well, all but me i'd say.

I got to sleep in late today, which is more than good enough for me.
But unlike last year, I don't know if we're going out on our bai nian-ing tour round each other's houses.
I agree with V(i just stopped blogging momentarily to update myself on her life) and there's something about the visitation round to friends' places.
It's cliche to say this, but it's not really all the hong baos (i sweaaaar)
It's that i love hanging out with parts of my family and for about a day, it stills the nagging knowledge that i cannot have the best of both worlds.

I think people are lucky to be so close to their cousins. (now) I envy them when they say, "oh i'm going out for lunch with my cousin." It seems so nice to have like a sister who isn't close enough to get on your nerves. Not that janice gets on my nerves i'm just saying you know, it's like having a sibling who you can't really throw tempers at.
Anyway, my point is, when i finally end up spending New Years' like these with family, being choked to death with tradition and being told how fat i'm getting- all these things that people complain about now but which i only have to deal with (in Singapore) in minimal amount- by the time i get to that, i won't have close friends to go on bai nian-ing tours with me. Won't get to hang out with quirky family other than my own.
Tsk. So while I bring up the (cute but untraditional) topic of getting my hong bao money from my popo through Bank Transfer (either that or they save it til we go over during holidays), that might not change when i'm in the States because i'll have daddy to do the whole Hong Bao by bank transfer. Then maybe i'll snail mail him tea leaves cos i can't pour tea for him. ahhahaha

I'll probably end up with lots of Hong baos over there because of my uber huge family and all my married cousins. But like i've pointed out, the Hong baos never really mattered (this is the first year i'm saying this so you know it's actually real. haha), it was more the hanging out with people close to me.
SIGH

WHAT THE FUCK

I'm kinda annoyed at this horrid realization.

urgh. i don't win either ways you know.

Anyway, i suppose you'd like to know how the least traditional spent/ is spending her first day of Chinese New Year. Okay you probably don't, but then, i never asked you to read this. hah.

We were extra non-traditional this year and did without the Nian Gao and fish (nian nian you yu, or something).
Our reunion dinner was the reunion of, by gosh, ALL THREE MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY! It was special though, cos i've been working and we usually don't have dinners together anymore. So okay, reunion of the three of us and beer.

This morning, i slept in past noon and we had bacon and eggs for brunch. Yes indeed, untraditional to the utmost maximum.
Our clothes are basking in the lovely sun (it's considered untraditional too because it means you've left your clothes to dry over the year),
and we've been watching tv and eating up the oranges we're supposed to give people which is rather hilarious if you think about it. hmmm.
It's only the first day but Enqing's lovely almond cookies have gone down in considerable amount (see i told you they were nice!) and i think we're gonna run out of cooking gas soon.
Sad thought. hmm

OKAY TO THOSE PEOPLE I'VE TEXTED CAN YOU GUYS FREAKING REPLY PLEASE. OTHERWISE IT'LL JUST BE VEE ME AND EME (how awesomez, that like rhymes) GOING ON OUR BAI NIAN-ING TOUR.

I'm so lazy this year and so out of the Chinese New Year mood. Last year i was all hyped up and traditional and walking around in a freaking qi pao. This year it's a BLACK dress with wedges.
Coolios no? hahahahaha.

Okay, there's nothing else to do, so i'm gonna eat other people's oranges.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

heads you win, tails i lose

I watched him.
Held his hand and brought him there myself, i did.

Felt him drop my hand and walk, far ahead of me, to the edge of the cliff.
Watched him walk right up there, ignoring the calling of his name by a voice even i couldn't recognize as my own.
He turned round, smiling at me. Telling me exactly what he was going to do, how he was going to do it and how he felt.
"Stop it," I told him harshly, but my words were returned only with a smile.

I watched him.
Watched him as he turned back to blow me a kiss, before he threw himself off.

I ran to the edge, in time to see his body, his skin, a bag for the broken bones inside,
upon the dry rocks below.

It wouldn't have been so bad if...
But now, that's a lie because, either ways, nobody wins.

Whichever way it turns out,
i'm the one standing in the harsh wind, staring at the empty space where someone once stood.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

fate

JAG is like a freaking Soap Opera.
When I last watched it like, in Primary school, Mac and whatshisname were in love and trying to sort out their relationship.
A few years later, in their final episode,
they finally get together.

hmmm

Let's let fate decide, shall we?

a moment in past; Today


They call this nostalgia. Or do they? This was my fourteenth birthday. Shit i look like a kid.

Anyway,
Sunday's party was great.
I'm sorry about the mess we made baby vee.
Just one of them reasons to quit; A good thing.

Okay, the party was both good and bad on different fronts.
One was the mess we made in the balcony, I really am terribly sorry Vee.
Another was the insane noise we made and Vee having to clean up the room.
We were also quite officially out of alcohol at eleven thirty which was just a tad bit sad, if you know what i mean. On top of that, instead of getting high and happy most of us were veryvery sober.

haha. Perhaps because eme was slapping so much sense into us. hahah. It wasn't really that bad, not really. We just had to pick out safety zones in different parts of V's room.

It was good because well, we got to hang out together. And that always proves more important than everything else.
Truly.


So Dolly stayed over and, even though she planned on leaving at 6am to get a cab home (she lives in the block next to daddy's) we ended up sleeping in til past noon. Which was fantastic of course. haha

My day didn't go to waste, thankfully.
I went down to Coffee Bean at Bishan to study and was, a while later, joined by Victor and Enqing.
Post dinner involved walking around abit and getting home soon enough before the activation of random search parties along the streets. hahaha


Heather is staying over at Victor's place right now.
Gosh. My baby's first sleepover. She's growing up):


FACIAL TODAYYYYY
YAY

Sunday, February 3, 2008

had a bad day that turned out to be,
not so bad afterall

Saturday, February 2, 2008

self-absorption


There's this one person i vaguely know.
And she is the most narcissistic, self-absorbed, clueless, tacky, immature girl i've ever known. She beats Paris Hilton hands down and makes Michael Jackson seem humble and harmless.

She's like the girl in the picture. Except, she wouldn't simply be kissing herself, she'd be full on making on and fucking her own reflection.

It's so strange.
You think you know someone and it turns out you don't. (i'm not saying it in a wise sort of way, i'm stating it quite literally)
She is so self - absorbed that she's swimming in her own intestines and coming out of her very own asshole and still doesn't even know it. The wonderfully sad thing is that, she truly does believe in her popularity and that she is held in a special, albeit plastic, chair and risen high above the rest. She truly believes she and her "clique" have attained social status in a tiny location in the world where most believe it to still be an imaginary island. She whole heartedly believes that she is of celebrity status, with her name in flashing lights that shine off her fake green/blue/purple/non-brown eyes.

It's sad in some ways, the non-existent, skin deep stuff that she chooses to believe whole heartedly in. Along with a hedonistic lifestyle which she denies she lives.


Check Spelling Here love, this is you-

You've fallen in love so many times when maybe, the only person (or thing) you've been in love with all this while is yourself. Yes sweetie, you know that fuzzy thing in the water? The one whom you keep hitting on, trying to get its number? Don't fuck it now, oh look, you just did and you're drowning. But hey, you look happy because you don't even know.

Ignorance is not bliss.
You are strange and disturbing.

A close friend and i update ourselves once in a while, not because we're interested, but more to get a laugh. How sad is that?
She's more entertaining than Wendy Cheng herself because she says it with as much (if not more) confidence than Wendy Cheng, declaring her celebrity status and how people love reading her magical blog when in realistic, sad contrast, people might love reading her blog, but only to laugh.

She fancies herself a good writer; That she is sharp and witty with powderfool powerful vocabulary. Instead, her writing serves as fantastic practice for me to mark bad essays.
Constant repetition of words, reuse of phrases, just to mention a few. Quotes she believe to be of substance but are not quite what we line the kitties' litter box with, the list can (and will, one day) go on.

But what stopped it being a joke, was something she said, or rather, wrote.
She probably wouldn't understand because she can barely understand her own language, due to minimal brain capacity (since the other half is filled with longing for her ALONE TIME).

What she said was, long story short, a passing, very brief comment on someone. Someone who'd done a favour and been nothing but nice.
In return, her words were condescending, laced with superiority and non-existent knowledge of professionalism. It reeked of distasteful, half hearted thanks and empty words of 'love'.

That really took the biscuit i suppose.
And i got annoyed.

After a while, it just wasn't funny anymore.
Just sad and strange, not to mention, terribly disturbing.

Dear you,
friend, aquaintance, person i knew once upon a time,
i hope you drown in your own stomach fluid.
But then again, there wouldn't be life's wonderful entertainment.

So don't.
Carry on, ranting about a boring life which consists of superficial nothingness that no one really wants to hear.
Because, failing all, we love laughing.

xoxo

Friday, February 1, 2008


Today was quite well spent, i'd say.

After lessons, i had a bit of time to myself. I also managed to get to the bank and sort out stuff, more or less beating the crowd.
Bit more alone time before meeting up with Fairli. I've managed to rope her in for modelling. (I know you knew it would happen sooner or later cos she's so uber pretty!)
All's well in that area.
I managed to get precious fashion tape at the last minute for any dress problems we might have.
'Tis a good thing, that.

UGH
i've wasted half my life net surfing though.

mommy wants me to tidy up my room for new year's. But that's a tad impossible because if my retard of an aircon.
ugh.
you won't believe it but, i really do hate my room being so messy.
it used to be so clean.
and i just tidied it up again recently.
Then my aircon decided to be a bitch on heat.
pooooooooooooooooooooooo!

today was still good though(:
i need to shop but i need to save at the same time. hmm

Hurting Distance by Sophie Hannah


The lovely irony that stares you right in the face from page one is that Hurting Distance is actually no distance at all.

What is absolutely amazing about this book, is that, while you're reading and focusing and absorbing the wonderful storyline and fantastic plot (rape, attempted murder, missing persons, unsolved cases), at the back of your mind is a constant ringing with every single unwritten word that whispers its meanings in between each and every line.

Going doubly deep into the book, you find yourself raking up settled emotions from long ago. Sure, you might not necessarily have been raped or married your rapist's brother without realizing it, but you realize there is so much more to what you're reading.
Something, scarily enough, that you can find yourself identifying with.

When you come to bits of the book where you're actually crying at the absurdity and betrayal of everything, that's when you realize that the author, in all her brilliance, has gotten you exactly where she wants you.


Within Hurting Distance-
If You're gone, maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If You're gone, baby You need to come home
Cause there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you

I bet You're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet You need, more than You mind

I think I've already lost You
I think You're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think You're wrong
I think You're already leaving
Feels like Your hand is on the door

Ithink You're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
sooomebody's fallen asleeeeeeep

ROXANE VELVET!
I FOUND YOU A BOYFRIEND

speechless.