Sunday, May 31, 2009

It's the last day of the month

And I'm feeling better, a wee bit fresher and smiley-er.

I'd best get back to my swim and kickboxing routine. Just because it's always made me feel good.
I feel very refreshed for some reason or other.
Maybe it's because I've started polishing my teeth and I am ridding myself of those godawful smoke stains/coffee stains/tea stains.
Lovely.

This week, my little girl's getting vaccinated, I'm dropping in to see my daddy and my baby sister (and everyone else, my gramps who're in town too), I'm grabbing dins with Vicky and catching up on twinnie time(:
Lovely! Everything's quite lovely!

Like how my little girl turns around and looks at me curiously with her huge green eyes but is clearly too lazy to do anymore than that.
Like how, although I was late, I finished early on my last day of shoot and managed to squeeze in a proper shower and drown-myself-in-glitter-time before heading to Marilyn's wedding.

Lots of people are seeing themselves a year older this month.
Starting with Vee's (and Ilona's too right?) which means Bird and I (the only non-birthday people) ought to throw our money together and just have a week-long blend of days and nights and booze and vomit.
HOW LOVELY WOULD THAT BE!

Must also get off my fat, untanned ass and get started on my new modules. 2 modules per month! Talk about major mugging!
I'm putting a hold on the travelling because I have a crazy amount of shit to do (once it starts).
Shit that requires time-tables and discipline and lack of rest, but shit that NEEDS TO BE DONE.

But no one needs to worry about me. I'm so self-absorbed that I'll spend the weekend alone in JB just to scratch that travel-itch. Tee hee.
Oh yes, and I'm stocking up on Jodi Picoult books.
Ought to start throwing stuff out for sure though so that moving won't be such a bleeding pain.

I'm jittery about my life! yay!
(insert overused How Lovely-line)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Waiting for another day

My brain's buzzing a wee bit.
Nat's officially done with teaching drama tomorrow, and she'll be off to Aussie for the next couple of years. Gets you wondering about the rest of your life.

Can't wait for school.
Like, school-school.
But there's so much to think about. And then there's all those other things which have me smiling myself to sleep.
And I'm all chewing my lip, going off into daydreams and wanting so so badly to be able to do what I want to in the long run. But maybe, you know, I'm going to have to start of waiting tables.
Which ain't that bad an idea, really.
I just watched my adorable little darling carefully lick her paws and put herself to sleep. She's such a big girl now, my wee one. All grown up):
If you saw her at the beginning, you really ought to see her now. haha.

So the week's been busy and today was a complete and utter nightmare.
I want to complain like crazy, but I've overdone it already. So I think I'll save it for a day or so and then tell it fresh. hahaha.
On a good note, turns out I'm not teaching six hours straight (trying to decide if it's better or worse, still) AND I found my black crayon eyeliner which mysteriously went missing on my flight back from LA six months ago. I KNOW RIGHT.
Popped out of nowhere.

My throat hurts so so so SO much right now.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Zombie, Zombie

Don't feel like doing work right now. Stuck listening to songs on repeat and getting shitty-jealous of new mommys.
I don't know, at least I worked on the second speech, right?
Should I let myself slack of a bit before starting on my new modules?

GROOOOAN.

On a note that completely made my day today,
I got an A- overall for Public Speaking. I'm scared sending in my second speech will pull it down):

JOKE OF THE DAY

"What happened there man?"
"Oh, I'm a cutter." I say, matter-of-factly.
A third person looks up from cutting shapes out of construction paper.
"Professionally?" She asks, unsure of what we're talking about.
"Yep. Everytime they do a wrist-slashing scene in movies, they always use me."
there's nothing left here now.
Not anymore

Because I am not, you see.

And now, I'm just waiting for it.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Men and their ability to listen. Or the lack thereof.

Draws the line between who jumps into your bed and who doesn't.
And of course, the girls we end up going back to instead.

boring, boring creatures you are.




*all said with exception to my two favourite boys. of course(:

Thursday, May 21, 2009

the same old argument

It's half one in the morning right now.
I got a lift back on a bike(:

Anyhow, I wouldn't normally wake Heather up at such an hour. However, I do have work to be done. Which, brings me to my blog post-
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE HOW IGNORANT ANTI-GAY-RIGHTS PEOPLE ARE!
In one particular forum, someone wrote,
"Everyone knows that marriage is the most stable thing there is. Cohabitation is notoriously unstable and homosexual relationships even more so. I personally have not known of any gay couples being together for more than two years."
WELL MY FRIEND, THAT CLEARLY SHOWS WHAT AN IGNORANT FOOL YOU ARE.

I will supply the statistics when I have them, but at a glance, I'd say marriages, with or without kids are not stable. And definitely not in comparison to live-in partners and gay partners.
Are you seriously kidding me?
(i might be wrong here) As far as I can see, the unmarried and homosexual relationships always seem to last way longer than heterosexual relationships.
i'll show you my numbers if you show me yours.

Then someone else said that kids up for adoption are contributed by gay couples in the first place.
ARE YOU QUITE MAD?!
YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER TO SUBSTANTIATE YOUR CLAIM. THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.
Married couples who split up because one of them turns out to be gay are often so bent on showing their children how much they love them and how they are not the cause of the divorce that the kid is more likely to end up being spoilt rotten (what with three dads!) than an unwanted sod.

Also, so many people are under this incredibly, incredibly, STUPID assumption that gay men hate women and lesbians hate men. (coincidentally, this assumption is almost always made by men)
SWEET LORD.
Just because lesbians are not attracted to your fucking wrinkly balls does not mean that we hate you. For God's Sake! GET OVER YOURSELF MAN. YOU ARE SO SELF-ABSORBED!
YOUR PENIS IS NOT THE BE ALL AND END ALL.
GO ON AND MARRY IT.

I'm so infuriated that I'm just going to end up spewing out largely opinionated lines.
soooooooo
forget it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Lord, I am inspired



INSPIRATION! WHOOHOO
Here we go again.
For Heaven's sake, I've got time, why not use it?
Well I was supposed to. In fact I've been planning to. AND RIGHT NOW I AM BLOGGING IN THE TIME I'M SUPPOSED TO USE FOR MY SPEECH.

eurgh
So infuriating. I don't know why I never seem to be able to buckle down and get it sorted out.
All them windows, research, word doc, it's all open.
But you know, I reaaaaaaally feel like having a quick nap.

Someone needs to help me.
My prof is not going to be a very happy bunny at all.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Oh God, Dear God!

Who in the world knew writing a speech was so freaking difficult!
It's not so much so the speech-y bit, really.
It's the audience adaptation, the speech goals, the thesis statements. And all to an imaginary audience, no less!
This is so incredibly depressing because, as much research as I've been doing I cannot start with the outlines and whatnot.

In fact, I am so distracted that in the last hour, I've had a yoghurt juice with a smoke, painted my nails and danced with Buttons.
GROAN.

Am in serious need of help right now!
I wish I didn't have to do stupid adaptation plans.
HELLO! WHO AM I ADAPTING IT TO? NO-BLOODY-ONE.
How in the world do I adapt a speech to an audience that doesn't even exist!

MADNESS
DO WORK BITCH.
AW C'MON!
DOOOO WOOOORK!

for anyone but you

filling my senses.


Sooooo,
after my glass of Bailey's, a smoke and a poop, I've decided this.
That I'm really happy and contented with my life as it is.
There isn't a need to go round stressing about how I'm going to support my kids in the next million years or how I'll take the first step to starting up my drama school.

The whole thinking thinking thinking has left me half dead with the immense amount of overplanning and stress. At the end of the day, if it comes, it will. (more cats, school, the major move, kids, whatever)

After all, I've got Buttons who is always quite content to sit in my toilet and stare at the drain and paw at little black things that I can't even see. And she's enough for me right now.

I'm awfully grateful for all I have as it is. And I see no sense in rushing about and jumping into things I have no experience in whatsoever.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up on all my super majorly detailed planning or anything. It's just that well, I'll take it as it comes.
Failing all, I've got my family and Buttons.

And right now, I really think that's all that matters.
(:
I am sooo in love with my baby girl!
She sleeps on the table right beside me when I'm using Heather!
ack! Adorable much!

I've got stuff to do.
Like, stuff stuff. Not rolling about and shaving my legs half-heartedly kinda stuff.
But I'm so unmotivated right now!
And WHY HAS IT BEEN RAINING SO MUCH!
I haven't gotten to walk Homer at all in the past week, and today, the sky's grey.
I can't even do laundry!

I'm getting started on Safeville this week.
It's gonna be a loooong looong week for me(:
But I've been looking forward to it since last week. TEE HEE.

The Love of Three Oranges, which baby Vee acted in was great.
(I'm not just saying)
I thought their cover-ups and add-ons were superb. I didn't notice the screwups until Vee told me. See, that's how well they covered it up!
oooh. super faaaaab!

xoxo

Saturday, May 16, 2009

You're my BFF.

always making it okay.

stone walls and all the other things that I don't have anymore

It kills me that she knows.
She knows, she does.

I guess we all know, when the time comes.
That a girl's just gotta go out and be on her own.
It's gets easier and easier to figure out when you're not wanted. But it's never any easier to swallow.

Wonder why it's always those who know you all your life that manage to tear you down and make you ache,
inside and out.














pleasepleasepleasedon'thurtme.I'mtootiredtocryanymore.pleasedon'thurtme.goawaygoawaygoaway.

when shit hits the fan

Out of all the things I don't like to talk about, which include Cockroaches, eating gross things, pimples, Extreme Racism, what tops the list is money.
It's very weird, I get shitty weirded out by it. So much so that I very very rarely get money back from people i've borrowed from.
So I thought it was quite silly, that explosion about a couple of hours back.

Because the last thing in the world that I'd ever want to be, even more than a hoe, is calculative.

When I'm annoyed or stressed out, I run or cut myself or do massive cleaning. Sometimes all of them.
So I scrubbed my toilet down twice over, scrubbed the toilet bowl and then the sink and I'm just about to go sweep the floor of my room and mop it up as well.

Because you know, when shit hits the fan, it usually gets quite messy.

Thursday, May 14, 2009



So I've been writing.

It's my first break this week and it feels like aaaaaaaages since I've slept in. By "sleeping in" I mean waking up at 9.30am instead of 8.30 and missing Prime Time Morning.
GASP.

Anyways, for the first time this week, I spent the day at home. Yeahp, I gave up on going to to the spa today to stay home with my baby girl:D:D
She's less than psyched about it though, because she got a looovely bath! hahahah.

I'm working on something uber cool in the next couple of weeks. It's called Safeville and it turns ouuuuut, it's a Computer Game :D
yay me.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

This is what we contribute the end of the world to:


Correction,
the H1N1 somethingoranotherohforgetitigiveup

Friday, May 8, 2009

green apples and ginger tea


this pic came up while heather was dozing off.
awwww.
I think i've got the best friends in the world.
miss you<3

I've spent 3 days straight at the Fairmont spa!
Gosh it is incredibly nice, I swear. loveloveloooove.
Of course, too much of a good thing makes it bad sometimes.
And well, it started to feel just a wee bit like a chore.
(omg i know right! oh what a chore it is to have to go down to the spa again! ladeeda)
hahahaha

You just become less appreciative I think, and I got bored a bit easier.
Well, i'll be away from it my entire weekend and then come Monday I'll spend half the day there with mommy.

OMG MY HANDS ARE TREMBLING LIKE MAD.
okay, just my right hand. HOW WEIRD.
So i met up with Lois today, after like foooorever.
And we took three pictures so that she'll remember my hair. hehe.
It was a decent audition and all. Saw a lad in his school uniform. Don't i remember those days now! hahaha

WELL. I'll be chucked into toilet cleaners' uniforms if I don't get going and complete my bloody speech.

ta

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Feels like it should be Christmas.

I had a wonderful day until I got in to read my emails.

So it started with the spa.
Well, right before that I spent my trip rating guys' asses and making weird eyes at the 9 out of 10 people who were dressed like shit.
HELLO. WHO PAIRS UP A HUGE PINK BAG WITH TINY PINK EARRINGS WHEN YOU'RE WEARING BLACK AND WHITE!
AND CAN THE WOMEN HERE WEAR SHOES THAT FIT THEM INSTEAD OF WEARING SLIP-ONS THAT YOUR TOES SQUIDGE OUT OF! MY WORD.
rant over.
I chucked myself into the Eucalyptus-smelling Steam Room like, four times. (damn shiok)
Dozed off in the jacuzzi and used too much of their nice smelling body soap when I was bathing.

Then I had lunch with Vic at my all time favourite jap restaurant.
Mommy's colleagues saw me, apparently.
The verdict is: That bloke looks very decent and presentable!

Had a nice afternoon in, peppered with calls bringing nice news!

1)yay, i'm starting to act again after like 9898947927013 eons
2)it's a cool thing called Safeville with an animated background. (I wonder if I can have a copy when it's done, cos it won't be screened. hmm)
3)Someone from a production company saw Paperstars and was quite, quote, "taken", with Lois and I. So we've been asked to come down for an audition, either for keepers or to do a drama series. Very nice(:
4)Might get to do an ad for Singtel next Wed- unconfirmed (cross fingers! I want I want!)
5)My meeting doesn't clash with my audition!

Then I rolled out of bed fifteen minutes late, jumped into clothes and went for kickboxing.

Dinner was great, and I just finished watching 3 eps of How I Met Your Mother with the family.

And then I had a spoiler.
I don't even know why it's affecting me like this, but you know, it is pretty damn fucking stupid.

You are a fucking grown man. You need to stop fucking thinking that everyone in the world is against you, including me. Why the fuck are you taking it out on me anyhow?
A couple of years ago, when the Tsunami hit, you shot out half a dozen emails to me.
Starting my asking how i was and if I was alive, they turned into demands as to why I wasn't replying you and if the rest of my family put me up to this.
MAYBE I DIED?

What the Fuck!

And you know, seriously right, you tell me all this stuff. How she broke your heart and all that fuck and how you will never love again and that she hates you. But even from my point of view, it's clear you don't want to be in contact with her.
When you left, you didn't tell her. Sold off all the furniture that was actually HERS and buggered off to China. Now you're back and I'm the only one who knows and you keep telling me not to pass out your contacts.
How insecure are you!
WHO IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO TELL THAT IT WILL BENEFIT?
MY CAT?
MY FRIENDS WHO SMOKE WEED AND PRANK CALL PEOPLE TO SAY THEY ARE SATAN?

I don't really give two hoots. I mean I love you to bits but this time round you're quite mad.
God I can't freaking be bothered.
I can't!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I don't know if I can.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

So Calvin's family came back from a few days away at some wedding.
And they found themselves burgled.
And well, Hobbes is missing, three strips in a row!

It's one of the things making me cry now.

Monday, May 4, 2009

I'm all wrong words said too softly.
But I'm only wrong words anyway.
I'm calling it quits.
you weren't supposed to be able to do this to me.
no one was.
But we always pretend to be stronger than we really are
and we forget that,
dial tones still make you sad and people still make you cry.

my baby? neverrrr!

Is your cat plotting to kill you?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

excited much (about nothing at all)

I've got this disgusting habit of saying I'm going to do things without really having it all settled first. I guess my excitement gets quite ahead of me.

"Oh, you'll regret being mean to me! I'm going home to the UK!" I told my classmates when I was eight. They sort of just rolled their eyes and said something to the like of,
"Oh go on then, put us out of our misery."
And I said it year after year after year.

"I'm going to boarding school." I told awestruck kids in my childcare centre.

"Oh I'm headed to the US!" I declared to Bird, when I was eleven. "I might not even stay for my PSLE!"
And then it became, I might not stay til sec 2 and by gosh, I'll definitely not be around for O levels!

Really? Seriously?
Look at where the fuck I am right now.

I hate that I get excited and I tell people and then it doesn't happen.
My parents back out or stuff changes or GodKnowsWhat.

I'm not mad at my mom, although she might think I am right now.

Nope, I'm not going for Bike lessons anymore. Mainly, because it doesn't make sense.
I'm going to be here for about 14months max, and spending half that time learning and only getting to ride about for the other half is quite a joke.
So. Forget that.

I'm not going for that short term course at La salle either. Mainly because well. Okay honestly? Right now I can't be bothered. I'm fed up. I want to get out of this half-life I'm living.

FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS GODDAMMIT. FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS LIVING SOME KIND OF HALF-LIFE. LIVING LIKE I MIGHT BE PACKING UP AND GOING SOME PLACE ELSE NEXT WEEK. LIVING LIKE I'M WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO START.

And that, i realize, is all I've been doing actually.
Waiting for my life to start when it already has/had. I like what I do now and all that, oh don't get me wrong. I love my job, and my friends and everything that I am right now.
But everytime I think about things like that, it irks me.

Four years ago, a friend whom I'd known from childcare days (which was five years back) rang me up just to catch up.
"So," she goes, "You're back for the holidays right?"
"huh?" I went.
"Cos you said you'd be in boarding school, so if I'm talking to you in Singapore means you're having holidays, right?"


Yeah well.
Shit happens.

Anyways, who am I to complain?
I've got a beautiful baby girl, a job I love and time to do my studies in the way that I actually like. And both my parents are alive and my best friends are so amazing that I might just marry all of them for the heck of it.

My time will come.
To do whatever I want to do. Like, have kids, adopt kittens, come up with a good enough reason to go bald.
my time will come.

Friday, May 1, 2009

that's why.


sort of. don't really feel like being around for a while.
and i feel like it'd be childish but that it's all i can do for me.
So i'm here, and then there's like the rest of my life.
But I don't know how to cross over.

It feels like I've come all the way to the edge, and i'm stuck because I can almost get to the other side, but it's still a little bit too far. Feels like there's a million and one things to do and I have no idea where to start.
Sometimes I'm not entirely sure of what I'm doing, and it really irks me.

Actually, I don't feel like doing anything or being around very much.
Not here at least.
Like, you know, we always figure we'd get our life started when we climb out of the half-life we're living right now.

ahmahhgad. dayam cute!