Saturday, May 31, 2008

It's really quite funny.
Just today, I was seriously thinking about something.

I thought about how I might be able to do without something that I've always had.

Then I read an entry from someone I'd say I'm quite close to.
And I thought about how much I've been taking for granted.

Every parent has a different style of child-rearing/ child-raising.
No one parent is more right than another.

I haven't had everything that other children my age have had.
But then perhaps I ought to be more aware of what I've had that others haven't

Friday, May 30, 2008


Today was good.
I liked today.
I really did.

Don't know if you've noticed a new link on the side, under SITES.
It's called The Plus Factor.
It's basically like Big IS Gorgeous, except for youths. We're hoping to rope in kids from TAF club (I'm sorry, Health and Fitness Club) and run our programmes with them.
Think this is a huge step.

on the site, once you enter and switch off the music, is a video.
It's the last short film i did called Char Kway Teow.

Rather artsy, in my opinion.
Cute and it drives at an important point.


If you're going to survive the nightmares you'll probably have, then have fun and i hope you get something out of the film.

Premiere of Paper Stars is next Monday.
I can't wait.
It's the second last short film i did and Vicky's in it too.

I really can't wait.
Felt like I've waited forever when it's actually only been about six months.

Right now Ashley's at the airport waiting to board the plane.
See la, always too busy to meet up when you're in Singapore!

I need to shut up

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

a girl wants to get lost, tonight

I woke up today feeling like absolute crap. Not just because i'm still kinda ill, but because I woke up feeling super frustrated at myself and everything that I know I have to do.

You have absolutely no idea what I feel like doing right now, on top of cocooning myself up in my room for, well i don't know, a month or something.

I feel like an absolute qwarfudger right now and i can't stand it. I've been sleeping in so much and just, not doing anything that it fucking pisses me off. I think this whole thing built up before I left for Thailand. You know, because I was taking on like a million students, and my schedule looked something like this:
Okay, I know you won't bother actually clicking on the thing and checking it out, cos it's a bad picture anyway.
But basically, my days were packed to the hilt with an odd hour bang right in the middle of the day or something fantastically stupid like that.

So i'm guessing my body's down doubly bad thanks to what happened before the trip.
And this really really sucks like a bitch I'm telling you.

I miss Thailand so fucking much.
I miss going there with no expectations other than to just be able to relax. And then going there and loving that I got to do all that I wanted to.

I miss not having to think about what i needed to do the next day. I miss waking up scarily early but not feeling it at all.
Omg I miss everything, and just talking about it makes me want to cry now.

And there's lots I want to cry about actually.
I think my period's coming or something, that's why.

I hate being such a qwarfudgering qwarfudger!

I just made myself coffee out of that last precious packet which I brought back from Thailand.
But the cups there were tiny and mine's large so, the coffee ends up being a bit watered down. And that makes me want to cry even more because I don't even have the exact same coffee as I got over there.

I kept singing this song while I was in Bangkok because of the city lights.
Now this song totally gets me.
I need to get a fucking grip before I start crying, and I really feel like doing that right now.

There's a harvest each saturday night
At the bars filled with perfume and hitching a ride
A place you can stand for one night and get gone
It's clear this conversation ain't' doing a thing
Cause these boys only listen to me when i sing
And i don't feel like singing tonight
All the same songs

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
Nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold you?

The situation's always the same
You got your wolves in their clothes whispering Hollywood's name
Stealing gold from the silver they see
But it's not me

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold you?

Calling out somebody save me i feel like i'm fading away
Am i gone?
Calling out somebody save me i feel like i'm fading

In these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
There's nothing here to hold on to
Could i hold on to you?

Monday, May 26, 2008

It's now MAY

that was dumb

Just picked Enqing up from the airport-

aaaaand i am feeling utterly horrible and ill.
I cant even believe I stayed up this late, just blog hopping when i feel like im about to die.
hope it's not dengue.
Oh my gosh.
i think i'm fucking dying

Saturday, May 24, 2008

right below your fingertips

that's one of the things i learnt on the trip.

and yes, it feels bad.
Funny, the agony stems more from the fact that one actually doesn't understand at all.
if you understood from the word go, that'd be different.
It'd almost be easier actually.

what an artist:D:D

there's a jumble of complete nothingness,
strings of something minutely coherent,
images of faceless faces and blurry places.

i'm not about to be the one to jump in first.
No siree.

I'm quite bloody content to sit here, behind a screen, typing spews and spews of confusion and promising to do shit about it.

oh come on,
you know why already.

It's because I don't believe.

I've asked.
I've asked Peter, in letters that I've burnt. Told him how he ought to believe as much as I do.
But I'm figuring it out now.

I don't believe.

Reality chips away at you, you see.

You're right below my fingertips.
But right below my fingertips, there's nothing really.

I'll have a Love on the Rocks please,

Friday, May 23, 2008

spazzing our way back into the country

Thailand, from inside a cab:D

geek (:

I'm back in Singapore, and have been for about five hours now.

I brought back sooo many goodies!
I love I loooooove!
Especially from DFS (((((:

I ought to crawl into bed like, right now.
This is sooo like, ruining my biological clock.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


rightnow i'm in the domestic terminal of the Chiang Mai airport.
I've got exactly five minutes before my10baht worth of internet runs out.
That's like, 1baht a minute, which, like all things in Thailand, isn't very pricey.

Nong Tao was fantabulous.
We arrived back in Chiang Mai yesterday from the village.
So right now, i'm headed off to Bangkok with Victor and Pii Nigelle (as the girls call him in Nong Tao) and we'll be there for the next three days and two nights.

I'm feverish but i've popped paracetamol so hopefully i'll be well enough to go on my shopping spreeeee!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


In less than an hour, Victor will be picking me up so that we can head down to church, pick up necessary shit and then go down to the airport.
This allows us (or me, in particular), ample time to happily wander around one of my favourite places in Singapore- Changi Airport.

And yes, this time, I'll actually be flying.

It's not that I don't fly a lot (though definitely not as much as Wendy Cheng or my grandmother or as I myself would've if I decided to do that host-position for Travel Asia),
it's just that being at the airport a lot reminds you even more of how you're stuck in a tiny country that isn't even your own.

Getting out once in a while is fantastic.

And Gasp!
This is the first time I'm actually travelling out of the country alone. Yes, The Little Creature actually beat me to it.

TLC came into my room to give me a goodbye hug before she went off to school.
Last night, mommy asked me to record my Goodnights on her phone so that she can play it back every night for the next eight nights.
Quite funny, actually.
And terribly cute((:

Woke up early and made breakfast for mommy and I.
Was planning on going for a jog with Homer but it's raining so, clearly, that would prove quite tough.

Been running around doing last minute tidying ups and other similar bullshit.
I'm more or less done now though.

My bed looks gorgeous and clean, like I've died and my bed will remain in this sacred position forever. hahaha.
That was a joke, but if you could see my bed, you'd think so too.

My temperature's gone, I've warmed up my tea.
Now all i have to do is drink it, bathe, chuck last minute rubbish into my bag which should include a book! (Actually I'd like to buy one in the airport)

Say goodbye, spray my room with disinfectant.
aaaand that should be all.

Then I'll have a couple of hours to wander around the airport!

Enqing's down with a high temperature.
Well he was last night at least.

Please get better soon hon.
I hope you'll be fine when you finally board the plane. Will be praying for journey mercies.
And above all, do have a fantastic time over there, with lots of shopping and hang out time with Rae and family plus dog!

To mommy and The Little Creature:
love you guys oodles and oodles and oodles.

What the hell, it sounds like i'm going away for like months or something.
How pathetic.

Toodles world!

Morning Blogs

I'll the first group's flying off in three and a half hours and nine hours after that,
it'll be my turn.

I'm really tired, I'm telling you.
I've been sorting out last minute game plans and doing my packing plus tidying my room as much as i can because i looove coming home to a clean and tidy room.

Hope I'll have time to clean up the mess that i'm sitting on right now.
I mean that quite literally by the way.
The mess is on my chair and I'm sitting on it.

Must sleep, will write before I leave.

Much love.

PS: Go check out NLV Kaleidescope on my links. I did a 4.40 AM blog post. or somewhere around that time!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

a dinky little update

Yes I know, it's been an incredibly long time. (To me, at least)
I've been disgustingly busy, especially in these days leading up to the trip.

There's so much that I want to say that I've forgotten half of it already.

lets start with the little things and see where I end up, shall we?

My right arm is aching like crap. thanks to me being all gungho and carrying back hundreds of worksheets and still proceeding to buy all the necessary files for them.

As of right now, I'm running a slight temperature (which has actually dropped since the morning). My throat is swollen, sore and feels like a little gnome is curled up inside and blocking my esophagus.

South East District meeting was on Saturday and I went down to make a thirty second speech on The Plus Factor (which is the youth side of Big IS Gorgeous).
I'm in the magazine that was given out! Yay Me((:
The Little Creature came down to watch it and eat nice foodies.

After church that night, I hung out with the people from Vineyard Singapore and watched
Made Of Honour.
It's quite similar to My Best Friend's Wedding though, of course, the latter is far better.
That's purely because I'm bias though, and I do admit that.

Anyway, Made of Honor had me crying from about mid-way through the show and right til the end. It didn't make my favourites-list but then, movies rarely do. (I've only got two on my favourite-list and they don't ever change)
I absolutely loved the show, I really really did.

There were bits that were so poignant to me, and yet, to anybody else, would have been no more than another three seconds of the show.
Well, you know me, ever the emotional-wreck.
I was rather close to bawling, which wouldn't have been in a good idea, considering the cinema was quite full.

Cabbed it back with Alastair, talking about the movie, real life and bits of real-life that end up like movies, or otherwise.


This was on Sunday, May 11th.
Just in case you didn't know.

I left for Church in the morning, had a lovely breakfast with fantastic coffee,
cried (for the third time in two days) and then stayed back during lunch to sort out the picture book which we'll be giving to the kids in Chiang Mai.

Took mommy out for dinner in the evening, with TLC.
Booked a place at Lawry's which had a lovely Mother's Day thing going on.
Had a fantastic time, and will post pictures up quite soon.

To Mommy:
I hope you had a lovely time, Happy Mother's Day.
I know I don't say it often enough but,

May 11th was ALSOOOOOOO

I'm sorry that your birthday party's gonna be a fantastically belated one but nonetheless,
I'm looking forward to it! (Well, clearly, since I'm organizing it.)


Okay, no i won't do that literally.
But at least let me know if you're gonna make it. ((:

I spent late Sunday night with Enqing, Victor (who joined us later) and some of Enqing's friends.
This included his Mrs Chee who (GASP!) I finally met in person!
I'd say Mrs Chee and the other two guys were pretty nice, soccer-absorbed but not to the extent that one feels invisible. haha.
It was a lovely night, and quite different from the late nights out I am used to aka lots of piss, throw up, make outs and broken glass.

WHEN WILL YOU GUYS (Vee/ Zool/ Ann/ Paul/ Bird/ Eme etc etc)

I miss you, I really do):

Back to my update:
Monday was fab. Had dinner at Enqing's house, sorted out my teaching materials, mundane stuff which you're not going to bother reading on about.

I went for an audition today, which was really nice.
Very drawn to the script and the character. The guy I'm liasing with gives me a really good vibe, which these days, is very important to me.
At the same time, most places which give me a bad vibe never allowed me the possibly unpleasurable experience of working there.

So here I am,
at 6pm.
My bags aren't packed though i've picked up all that I need.
The little gnome in my throat has shifted into a more comfortable position for himself, and a less comfortable one for me.
I've got a headache, freezing cold fingers and a desperate need to sleep off the sick-feeling lest i board the plane with a fever and get punched by Victor.

I shall head off then, for a wee nap and with the intent of blogging tomorrow before I leave and yada yada.

To those leaving for Chiang Mai first:
Uncle Lye Heng, Deming, Sabs and Lydia-
Have a safe trip and try not to kill each other!
We'll see you on Thursday in another country! ((((:

Gosh, I am rather excited about the trip now((:


Friday, May 9, 2008

reinforcing my point

While i was in the middle of writing letters to people who might not reply, The Little Creature had left the telly on with a Nickelodeon show.

It was one of the more annoying shows on that channel to be honest, but i seem to manage to catch glimpses of it as TLC grabs minutes of it here and there.
The entire series is based on a "modern" family.
By "modern" -in "modern-day" terms- this means having the joining of two families through a remarriage. ie; a single mom with two/ three girls gets married to a single dad with two/ three boys.

Most of the series pretty much centers around the kids' high school life;
Boyfriends, or the lack thereof and girlfriends plus double/triple crossing. Stuff like that.
Today's was quite different though.

In today's episode, the father (the ex husband of the single but now remarried mom) of the girls in the family came by. So the oldest daughter was racing around trying to get everything absolutely perfect.
But as it always happens, she pretty much fell flat on her face and was in tears as her dad breezed out the door after a rather ruined dinner.

However, because it's a Nickelodeon show and because "Must Have Happy Endings" is a requirement for all shows, the father comes back -missing his flight on purpose- to say sorry and say how much the evening meant to him and la dee da.

Then the oldest bursts into tears saying how much she wanted it to be perfect and yes, he was wrong for breezing out like that because they never get to see him and oh, she's so sorry that she's crying all over his gorgeous Georgio Armani. (Okay that last bit was an add-on)

This finally brings me to my point-

Tears would've been saved, along with harsh words, bits of human finger that the little one accidentally grated into the cheese and of course, heartache if
hmmm, let's see

If you're asking me, well yes, of course I fucking disapprove of this stupid show.
Not just because the girl is ugly and a bitch and because the storylines aren't JollyShandy-worthy, but because to start off with, the entire series is based on two broken families being haphazardly pasted together and trying to work as an entire entity.

I honestly don't mind mommy remarrying and I think it'd be cool to have step-siblings, beside the half sibling i already have. (After all, The Little Creature is irreplaceable)
I also think it'd be nice for mommy to have someone to grow old with. (Not that that's happening anytime soon. Growing old that is) Personally, i'd like someone to grow old with, so why should my mommy be deprived of that?
See, all this is fine.

But you make that into a TV series, on a kids channel and what good does that do?
Plus, (I don't know if this was the one who said it) but these type of families are labelled as the "modern" ones. Why so? Because divorces are coming through before the ink on a marriage cert is fucking dry, that's why!
And this cycle, the continuity of this trend is further perpetuated by baseless, slap-stick-humour-type shows like THESE!

I've got better things to do right now.
But bottom-line,
If you want to sleep around, fine.
If you want to eat shit, fine.
just STOP having kids and making them pay for a world they never asked to come into.

By the way,
i had a fantastic day, i'm not angry.
This was just sparked off by that time-wasting show.


Hello, Enqing's Moncow!

My first meal of the day came at about seven in the evening, where i stuffed my face with a piece of last night's pizza.
I did go jogging with Homer though((:

there really is so much to do.
And i am surprised that I even have the time to type out such mundane rubbish!

Been writing out my schedules, losing them, writing them out again.
Running around, getting pissed off, getting happy, and running around because i'm pissed off, to get happy.

Right now,
i'm rearranging my life-schedule. I'm clearing up my days in order to do more voluntary work.
I've also come to the conclusion that, I can't save the whole world.
Endangered animals will still get killed, and companies will still be desperate for a permanent full-timer.
I can't hug every tree, now can I?

I think, what matters is the quality of the work I do.
After all, what's the point in handling so many projects if i do a shitty job for every single one of them?
Eye-opening isn't it?

Must sleep.
fucking knackered.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

clinging onto sanity

I thought I was dying.

I couldn't fucking breathe, and I could hear my own heart jumping in random directions.
oh but i'm not, you don't understand

let's start over.

Hello! My name is Charis Vera, what's yours?
I am under an awful lot of stress.
I had a post-it pad in my handbag which has been there for ages.
Today, it somehow became the book where I wrote everything down. I usually have other places to write down my information of the day.

I lost it.
And I have numbers of importance and random stuff and, fucking hell, scribbles that my mother has jotted down from phone calls and might need at some random point in time.


But I'm okay.
No actually, I'm not.
I'm scared. I hate losing things. I haven't lost anything in so long. I don't understand how i could've lost it. I check every single place i've been in to make sure I'm not leaving anything behind.
Why is this happening and why do I feel like walls are crashing down around me because of a bloody post-it pad.

Perhaps I am crazy.

Rubbish aside, who has time for mental problems anyway!
The meetings today were fruitful. The lessons were just fine. All four of them.
Another course that's just finished, which is good.

I'm pulling out/ cutting back on work in order to do more voluntary stuff.
I've found myself missing it actually. haha.

July onwards, I'll be teaching drama in two different schools.
On top of everything else that is.
I like very much.

Okay, am tired and dying and getting superbly annoyed at people who refuse to respond to my text messages.
What the hell.

I've just finished an assignment so I am insanely happy.

I have my own deadlines to meet.
things I need Heather for but can't/won't do now

1)Email ten-line speech to Atiqah (deadline: TOMORROW/ LATER ON TODAY)
2)Finish off songwriters' questionaire for CLV (deadline: 10pm, May 8th)
3)Sort out bloody schedule and clue Mona in.
(deadline, well might as well anyways: 11pm May 8th)

This week, MUST:
1) Pack bags for Chiang Mai
2) Buy stuff from spotlight (glue/ extra materials/ cheap fabric) -Tomorrow?/ Monday?
3) Pick up O level Cert (might as well, since office is so close)
4) Tidy room up, again.
5)Finish another assignment before leaving? (Is that even possible?)
6) WALK HOMER AGAIN (important!!)

I feel like I am fucking dying.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Sentosa with Victor((:

So perhaps we didn't go as early as I wanted to.
But in the end, we still caught the gorgeous sun and I managed to get successfully burnt.
"Like a lobster lor!" as Enqing declared.

Hung out at Cafe Del Mar for the first few hours.
Which, by the way, is absolutely perfect and amazing for spoilt brats like myself who is crazy about beaches and the Mojitos/ Pina Coladas that complete the experience.

And just because Enqing's leave was rejected, therefore leaving us to enjoy the beach on his behalf,
here's the lil somethin' somethin' ((:

In case you can't see, it says
I wrote it, painstakingly with my tiny fingers!
okay, no i didn't. Clearly.

I fell asleep for like, an hour and a half which was fucking shiok i tell you.

After we bathed and got all nice and clean (me with my coconut milk shower!),
Victor and I decided to have a go on the Go Karts.

This started by taking the Ski Lifts up by like a million stories.
It scared me a bit, because i freaking hate heights.
I gripped tight to the thing in front of me and enjoyed the scenic view! ((:


It's a super long way down my dears, don't let the camera fool you.

This picture was supposed to focus on the foot and allow you to see how far the ground is.
Instead, it looks like Victor's stomping on the tree.

Oh whatevs.
I'm having horrible cramps and feel rather burnt.

There's so much so much SO MUCH to dooooooooooo


Mr Malchovich & Stacy Hartbeat

Meet Mr Malchovich & Stacy Hartbeat-
Mr Malchovich, on the left, is a gay art teacher and Stacy is just,
Stacy, who doesn't shut up. Ever.

The things i have time for, in between my gasps for air.

So today,
like most of my Mondays will probably be,
was incredibly busy.
Incredibly satisfying though!
I can completely survive on a cafe caramel((:

I am absolutely dying and under an incredible amount of stress.
I've taken the day off with Victor [Enqing's leave-application got rejected )): ]

except of course, now im freaking out cos it's one in the morning and i haven't packed or unpacked and i feel completely stupid and incapable and above all, ugly.
i feel very ugly.
I've been having random bouts of fever.
I should get a lovely injection and curl up on a hospital bed.

Think i'm going crazy.
off to do
stuff that i know ought to be done!

oh but really,
you simply must read this!

charis vera//-Except says:
charis vera//-Except says:
now isn't that funny
charis vera//-Except says:
wel actually it's not
charis vera//-Except says:
i just felt like typing that out

charis vera//-Except says:
doesnt it disturb you
charis vera//-Except says:
how people can go
or hahahaha
or haahahhahahahahaha
charis vera//-Except says:
and not be laughing at all
charis vera//-Except says:
but just
charis vera//-Except says:
staring at the screen

Vic says:
does it bother you that people type hahahahahhahahaha on their screens and they're not actually laughing?

charis vera//-Except says:
charis vera//-Except says:
cos i find myself doing that too
charis vera//-Except says:
charis vera//-Except says:
like now

charis vera//-Except says:
but i feel like saying that
charis vera//-Except says:
i would smile if i wasnt so lazy
or tired
or crazy

Vic says:
why do you say u're laughing when u aren't?
Vic says:
what purpose does laughter serve then?

charis vera//-Except says:
to fill in spaces that people are too afraid to listen to
they're afraid of the absence of sound in between words
just like music

Vic says:
then let's have the space instead
Vic says:

Vic says:

Vic says:

Vic says:
its not quite the same

charis vera//-Except says:
that's why the masses dont like strange music with empty spaces
even if it drives home a point
because if they listen hard enough
they'll be able to hear what words can't say
and they're probably afraid of recognizing that feeling
or finding that absence familiar
so they fill empty spaces with sound,

charis vera//-Except says:
empty rooms with broken beer bottles

Vic says:
why do you answer my rhetoric questions?

charis vera//-Except says:

charis vera//-Except says:
now im really laughing

charis vera//-Except says:

Monday, May 5, 2008


Sunday, May 4, 2008

Friday, May 2, 2008

For Enqing!


Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

Please don't kill me((:
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

wassup, other than the ceiling

So for a while now, I've been replacing actual blogging with random jokes.

Then again,
i often wonder who actually bothers reading my word vomit on a regular basis.


Just in case you were minutely, vaguely interested-

This is the major Friday Night Event!


Tonight, Friday May 2nd 2008
YMCA Rooftop, Beside the Pool

Eric Lee & a2J
Enqing & Charis Vera (We're playing first)

Okay, so we don't have some coolios band name but see!
That's what's so special!
Victor Huang (Mr. Producer Man) will be playing too((:


Come down tonight for fantastic original music!

Hope I'll see you there((:

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @

Thursday, May 1, 2008

New York Ensures That April Is the Cruelest Month

Female conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped here due to congestion ahead. We should be moving shortly. [2-3 minutes later.] Ladies and gentlemen, due to a malfunctioning signal, everyone will need to get off the train, take the 4 back up to 149 St Grand Concourse and take the 2 train downtown.
Train riders: [Groan.]
Conductor: April fools! Stand clear of the closing doors
Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @