clinging onto sanity

I thought I was dying.

I couldn't fucking breathe, and I could hear my own heart jumping in random directions.
thinkimlosingitlosingitlosingit
oh but i'm not, you don't understand
I
um


Okay,
let's start over.

Hello! My name is Charis Vera, what's yours?
I am under an awful lot of stress.
I had a post-it pad in my handbag which has been there for ages.
Today, it somehow became the book where I wrote everything down. I usually have other places to write down my information of the day.

Then.
I lost it.
And I have numbers of importance and random stuff and, fucking hell, scribbles that my mother has jotted down from phone calls and might need at some random point in time.

Worrying.

But I'm okay.
No actually, I'm not.
I'm scared. I hate losing things. I haven't lost anything in so long. I don't understand how i could've lost it. I check every single place i've been in to make sure I'm not leaving anything behind.
Why is this happening and why do I feel like walls are crashing down around me because of a bloody post-it pad.

Perhaps I am crazy.


Rubbish aside, who has time for mental problems anyway!
The meetings today were fruitful. The lessons were just fine. All four of them.
Another course that's just finished, which is good.

I'm pulling out/ cutting back on work in order to do more voluntary stuff.
I've found myself missing it actually. haha.

July onwards, I'll be teaching drama in two different schools.
On top of everything else that is.
I like very much.

Okay, am tired and dying and getting superbly annoyed at people who refuse to respond to my text messages.
What the hell.

I've just finished an assignment so I am insanely happy.

I have my own deadlines to meet.
SO-
things I need Heather for but can't/won't do now

1)Email ten-line speech to Atiqah (deadline: TOMORROW/ LATER ON TODAY)
2)Finish off songwriters' questionaire for CLV (deadline: 10pm, May 8th)
3)Sort out bloody schedule and clue Mona in.
(deadline, well might as well anyways: 11pm May 8th)

This week, MUST:
1) Pack bags for Chiang Mai
2) Buy stuff from spotlight (glue/ extra materials/ cheap fabric) -Tomorrow?/ Monday?
3) Pick up O level Cert (might as well, since office is so close)
4) Tidy room up, again.
5)Finish another assignment before leaving? (Is that even possible?)
6) WALK HOMER AGAIN (important!!)

I feel like I am fucking dying.
Seriously.