Sunday, November 30, 2008

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

So it was my first time, and they don't look that pretty,
but I made Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies today!

I'm sooo in the Christmas mood right now.

This is me

we can hardly stand the wait,
please Christmas, don't be late.

Today, other than being in town on a weekend which guarantees you being short-tempered, was really fantastic.
We finally went on our major shopping spree at G2000.
So what could've been $628 ending up being only half of that after discount.
The bulk of it is my beautiful absolutely gorgeous coat which is especially for my trip, but light enough to be used in Singapore in "cold" weather although one might get an odd look.
My new baby is originally priced at $340 and only found out G2 which is sort of the more office-y line of G2000.
Absolutely beautiful.

We watched Four Christmases today.
Quite, quite nice. I laughed til my sides hurt at some points, nearly teared up, and at other points, got so irritated that I seriously debated leaving the cinema.
It balanced itself out enough so that I stayed though.

I had a lovely lunch and afternoon with my family, something that I haven't done in a while.
yay me(:

I'm not in the mood to talk right now though,
because it sort of feels like I'm inching my way across a tightrope.
And I don't like that it's always so easy for me to mess up, and that there're so many people watching. And that even with so many onlookers, there aren't many who're gonna wanna help.
I'm just a little bit tired of being me right now.

au delà de

then there isn't anywhere after that

Friday, November 28, 2008

What I did with my Thursday

So I shot a few scenes for Incredible Tales Season 6, Episode 4 which will come out sometime next year (like March/April).
I'm just in the flashback scenes, as the younger version of the main character.
No big, but quite fun.

Meet my illegitimate family(:

I'm a kept woman, apparently. Living a scandalous and secretive life with a man fifteen years my senior.

The only constant in my life,
is my baby boy (who dies) ))):
And then you learn how to let go, and only when you're ready.
You stop blaming yourself for the mistake you made that cost his life, because you realize he loves you all the same.
And you learn to embrace the living, and say goodbye to the dead.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

straight hair

So I've always wanted straight hair like since I was eleven and the Dork of the Century.
But I never got it.
When I was 13/14 my hair miraculously became really straight but I got bored, had it cut, and well have done on-off shit with my hair.

I finally got a Ceramic Hair straightener.
Fantastic stuff. I might've waited four years for it, but it was so worth it.
Cos I'm fine even without straight hair AND I've learnt to use the straightener to CURL as well.
Ah the tricks you pick up from fashion shows and fantastic hairstylists.

So, just so you get to see the diff:


frizzy, gross and going up your nose!
okay it's not usually that bad. I suppose it's because I used a hair dryer on myself that morning.


Straight doesn't mean flat though. Thank God.

yay me!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I kid you not, I'm so sober and level minded that it is not remotely funny.
For the oddest reason, my mom (for the first time ever) starting telling me about drugs and how I might just start hunting for highs.

Tonight was just fantastic, I mean.
But you know, thank God nothing major happened, I'd have so died on myself.

So yes,
I am amazingly sober for some reason.
Even though I had tonnes to drink and the same amount made Bella sort of collapse on her living room floor. (okay she probably had a bit more)

But anyway,
I'm so sober that I told the cabbie how sober I was (sadly) and I came home and starting practicing guitar (the little that I know)
Christ, I'm even blogging normally.

Why am I so insanely sane tonight? And why don't I get wasted at the right time?
Fucking balls.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Sunday, November 23, 2008

My very pretty Saturday

Sometimes all you can do, for the longest time, is stare- completely dumbfounded.

It was like something out of a fairytale, swear to God.
I don't think I've ever had such a beautiful day
And I look super ugly in this picture, but someone else doesn't.
So I ought to quit whining.


Saturday, November 22, 2008


Some days, there are heaps to think about.

Like why someone would rush into the middle of the road, with a million and one cars squealing past him.
Or why someone else would pour her heart out into a story she doesn't plan on getting published.

Or if we're the ones who know nothing because we're thinking about all these people and their various actions while we are left thinking about all these people and their various actions.

Why is it that the quest for happiness is always what ends up with us in a locked bathroom stall blowing our noses into loo roll made of recycled paper?

I had a couple of long telephone conversations today, as well as daily blog-reads.
And of course, my usual sad-blog-reads.
There's so much out there that makes you want to scream at God and say,
"Blast it, enough with the games."

It's always easy to tell someone that "it's all within God's perfect plan" when you're not the one who's lost four children, when you're not the one who ended up pregnant at eleven years old because you were raped, when you're not the one who feels like there's an entire world for you to carry alone.
And what are we supposed to say?
Somehow "I empathize with you" doesn't quite seem to cut it.

Sometimes I think that, there I just some people who spend their lives going through shit and it's just not fair. They get blow after blow, and yet still have people telling them "You deserved to have your four babies taken from you." (This, by the way, is a true story)
I wouldn't blame them in the least, for giving up on their faith.

"What happened?"
"She's been silly again."
"What did she want?"
"She wants to be happy."
"That's not too much to ask, is it?"
"No it isn't. But we've been through this a million times.
...She's just crazy."

- Chris Lee, Happy

Aren't we all?
And just because we're searching desperately for things that can make us happy. And I don't mean oh-I-had-a-fantastic-sushi-buffet kind of happy, obviously.
We're always talking about that you know kind of happiness. (Which I don't think most of us do know)


"So what made you happy?"
"You did."
"Really now?"
"Yeah, but you were also the one who took that happiness away."

So some people have lovers, some have kids and most others pretend that their goldfish can understand what they're saying.
I'm going around in circles too, in case you haven't noticed.
Guess I'm pretty much as human as you are hon.

But I do think, that what makes me really really happy, is this idea that I'm not really looking for happiness.
After all, you can't not find something that you weren't looking for to begin with.

Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm going to come right out and say it.
I get really annoyed with stupid people doing stupid fake teenage pregnancy posts.

This doesn't count though.
It's one of those college assignments she had to do. And she is sooo funny.
My word, I swear, I started laughing.
She named her robot baby Diablo, the demon baby.


I've been telling everyone that I'd go to High Voltage for my tattoo because I am sooo in love with Kat Von D and her skills.
AND of course we're all fully aware of how pricey it'd be (on/off camera is completely different).
So I've been telling myself as much as other people have been telling me, to be prepared.
Someone told me to set aside 1k (my tattoo isn't very big, it's like palm sized).
I sort of scoffed, but figured that could be quite possible.

Anyway, I got quotations.
You know how tattoos ALWAYS start at a minimum of fifty bucks (unless you go to Steven Oh's)?
ALL tattoos done by kat von D start at a minimum pricing of


I think I've got a lot more saving up to do and will have to do that in a couple of years instead.


blabber blubber

It's been a lovely week so far. I've started on my packing, for both LA and the move.
Well, unpack to repack, if you get what I mean.

Less sentimental and more willing to throw things out, clearly.
Gosh it's nice seeing all my memory boxes and shit, but I have complete and utter bullshit in some of them. When I was younger I'd keep the wrappings of presents with my name on them. So rubbish.

So many things to give away!
Super duper cute clothes, micro-minis and the works.
What I really want now, is for renovations to bloody begin and be fucking over ASAP. I don't understand what in the world is taking them so long and I want to move my things over asap.

I bought a drawer set yesterday for my makeup. This is so my OCD can kick in full force.
Still, I'm trying to decide whether I should arrange my makeup according to basic themes: ie; Nightout- glitter, dark makeup etc
Colour groups. It's highly likely I will pick the latter because I tend to mix and match.
So fucking happy with my buy.

There're heaps more to chuck out, to be honest. It's a fucking bat's cave in here. (complete with strange smells thanks to my moss friends. Which came about when my aircon was having her period. I feel bad for V, clearly it's her turn now)

Drinks last night was a quiet affair.
Oooh I'd better get used to sleeping on a single bed! That's right):
Charis' Princess Bed will still be a princess bed (because I'm making sure the princess net stays up) but about half the size):
Guess it was a good thing after all when my quilt and bedsheet set from Ikea only came with four pillowcases, a quilt cover and nothing else.

I should get down to doing work, at some point. But I'm really really out of it.
Filming again next week. Nice to know that this month hasn't been a complete waste.

Aaaand in exactly a month from now, I'll be on the plane. yay!
But I can't seem to figure why I'm not as excited as the last couple of times I went. I mean, sure I'm excited. But I'm not as jumpy as I used to be when I was younger.
Maybe I'm worried about being well received and comfortability with my super extended family.
Maybe it's that that's sort of shadowing my excitement.

Can't wait for my major shopping though, and all the gazillion Christmas-NewYears-sorryIcouldn'tbearoundtocelebratementionedfestivieswithyou-presents!
And I am SO SO SO loading up on shoes and cute bras/bustiers over there.
These are the things I'm excited about.
On top of college visiting and getting a new tattoo of course!

I'm heading off to smile at nothing now!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

my daddy's cuter than yours!


I am daddy's little girl <3

Commitment (to procrastination)

So i've been taking a break since the last week pretty much successfully ran me to the ground.
This means sleeping early and waking up late. Like, eleven, noon ish kind of late.

There's heaps to do actually.
There's all that packing and I've allowed my room to get disgustingly messy.
My excuse is that, well, I'll be packing it all up anyhoos.

I've got tonnes of clothes to give away and I'm really surprised at how unclingy I've grown to become. Most of the stuff I keep, I keep because of memory.
Like that white basket in my kitchen holding all our clothes pegs-
One of the handles is broken and it's gonna go yellow eventually. But i insisted on bringing it over from our last house because it was a toy basket I had since we first moved to Singapore.
Somehow though, I'm a bit more ready to chuck stuff like that out.

This is why I'll never offer to pack for people if they're moving.
Unless of course, it's dishes and essentials and we just need to wrap it up with newspaper.
Simply because, what you see as pure trash might still hold meaning for its owner.
God, I hate to think about the amount of rubbish that I'll be sure to hoard when I have kids.
"oh but that's her first bottle."
"but that's the first soft toy I got for him."
"oh but that's their first matching outfit!"

Bloody hell, one of the things NOT to look forward to when I finally get round to having kids.
God, I just looked up while typing this and saw an old workbook from my piano class.
And I was using that when I was like, what, four years old?

So much stuff to chuck out.
I've got heaps of clothes, and yes, I DO have skinny clothes for skinny people, believe it or not.
(shit, this sucks.) But yeah, come by and pick them up if you're into micro minis and skanky stuff.
Or even if you're not, there's sure to be something my grandma bought.
haha. Which isn't that bad, you'll realize.

Besides having to pack my life into boxes, which I am talking about more than doing, I've to start packing for LA too. (The family's begun to do that already. geez)

ALSO, I've decided to do something.
Something that was this major major step for me and I've been rather against (because I wanted to be special, clearly)
And I told mommy about it too!

"Mommy, I've made a commitment."
Reaches for the remote and lowers the television volume
"What's that love?"
"I've finally asked Victor something,"
"What, to marry you?"
GROAN. "No, I did that already anyway."
"Oh. Oh yeah, but I thought you meant like, in a few years time. So what did you ask him?"
"I asked Veeeektooor...."
"To teach me how to play guitar!"

I'm dreadfully excited about the coming year.
New place, space (I meant personally as well as physically)
There's so much you can do with freedom and time.
I'm teaching full time with Inward Bound next year. And I'm gonna keep travelling as much as I can. (Although my so called "travelling" is abit loserish- a couple of days here and there)
So well, as and when I can, I suppose.

Couple of places I REALLY wanna go to next year:
UK-homehomehome! (CONFIRMED! YAY! driving to France to see my Grandad for the first time too!)
Genting (again. hehe. I wanna take Janice with me)
Thailand- Nong Tao (if possible. fingers crossed!)
States (yes again, and for a month with Enqing. Just to learn how to drive! June maybe?)

Basically I realized that it's not just the places I go to, but the crave to get out of the country.
But I'd really really like to go to these places. Fingers crossed!


This is fantastic.
dark but well done.
sure as hell brings you back to earth

awfully eerie, this.

I think stupid people are very amusing.
Xiaxue's blog has been a source of entertainment, if only to see how stupid some people can get in her comment box.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

these babies, they kill

we wrapped at half past two this morning, for scenes with me in them.
Was fun working with them.

I am sooo bloody drained. I've been working every single day this week.
every single day.
the last three finishing only in the first few hours of the next day.
Eye cream and facial masks are in order.

I had durians today:D
which makes me a super duper happy girl.
Durians + fantastic company = SUPER DUPER UBER HAPPY GIRL

we had leg of lamb for dinner((:

I've had a well-deserved Sunday for all my million hours this week.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

she's a tramp, but they love her

Enqing's birthday present:D:D
I be ho, oh no no no.


i've to be up and filming again in five hours.
I am sleep deprived. And I've been filming four days in a row!
Kudos to me.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

The pain of sanity

I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle.
I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
-- Mother Teresa

or the hurt white lies cover, like bandages over wounds

We'll lie to ourselves for as long as it takes,
to make us believe.

la foi

belief, is the word that's written over and over again on the orange tape that marks random places in my room.
It's on my mirror, on my door, above the entrance of my room, on the wall above my bed.

Belief, not believe.
Not the verb, but the noun.
Like faith.

Belief that we'd be able to settle down, for just that little while.
That after a year, it'd be good enough to start unpacking and to call this place home.

I reached up to the mirror, and peeled of a corner of that orange tape.
But the corner came out between my fingers.
Belief is sticky, I thought, and I didn't just mean the tape.
I finally managed to rip the damn thing off, but it still left a sticky outline on my mirror.

I took down the one outside my door and the one on my door.
And I'm looking up at my wall and figuring, that's gonna be coming down soon too.

we pack our lives into the same cardboard boxes and believe,
that we get to start all over again.

"What does she want?"
"To be happy."
"That's not too hard, is it?"
--Chris Lee, Happy

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My today berry nice, like strawberry like that

My cabbie asked me if I was a superstar, when I told him I was heading off for filming.
Then he decided, superstar or not, I was lucky and he was lucky to be driving me because (I swear he said this), the roads cleared out for me.
(okay, obviously not really)
But wow whee, there was absolutely no jam whatsoever. And everyone knows the insane jam, and especially at half past eight on the dot!
We had to come to a complete stop at two, maybe three traffic lights in total? And it was smooth driving/traffic all the way. Clear roads, you name it.
I was at Little India within ten-fifteen minutes.

So that was how my day started off.

I was late by half an hour (cos I decided to do my makeup first) but I was still the first actress on set.
And I was having a fantastic hair day, for some reason.
My hair was in such a good mood, that no matter how hard I tried to mess it up (for the scene), it just fell back down perfectly. And that SO does not happen to me on an everyday basis.
Of course, the fantastic hair changed after running around after 21 seven year olds. But that's another story.

I made it to work only fifteen minutes late, after forewarning them I'd be in an hour late.
So yay me again!
And today was also the last day of our three day Drama Programme at Catholic High.
very cute stuff!

To top off my brilliant, super nice, fantastic, qwarfudgeringly gorgeous day,
Victor came over to cook!
Pasta + mushrooms + yummy stuffs + mint chocolate (omg super nice- not that I've had it, considering my still-recovering throat. But it looks yummy and I can't wait! xoxo)
Mommy cut up beeeg beeg strawberries too! So we had that for dessert (cos I couldn't have chocolate anyway)

thank you for a super duperly nice dinner Victor! It was absolutely delish.
Icing atop my damn perfect cake!
You're the bestest!

ps: But i'm still the cutest!



bloody hell,
lame much.

where it doesn't matter

and that stuffed toy on her bed is hers, and not her child's.
It's funny, you think.
But it's not.
And you're trying hard to put the pieces together and you figure,
the only thing harder than doing that, is being her.

Mothers, they warn and grandmothers scorn.
It's not a mistake, but it's too hard to explain.

Why go back and point out the I Could Have Done-s when you can't undo it anyway?
It happened, and it's reason enough to smile, I believe.

A friend points out, laughs and mocks.
She says she knows of enough to throw it around.
How do you do that?
And write everything off, reducing it to meaningless facts and cold-hearted jokes?

If you hold your breath long enough, you might turn around to find that it's you.

So you flip through their lives and smile at the pictures.
And hope,
that when you have a gift,
you'll be brave enough to keep it.

I get annoyed

with rubbish.

My name is Mei. Baiscally I'm really new in this except for experiences in music (singing).. Currently also pursuing my grades in singing in the London College of music. I like to play piano but I'm just a beginner for it.. Also, drawing people's faces is one of my hobbies too..
Looking for auditions in ads or any production is because I wanna get to know more people who would come together to accomplish a production no matter it's a movie, drama, commercials, musical show etc.. The success accomplishment really is heart warming, happy & the togetherness felt is deep & so close.. This is always what I wanna feel.. The closeness & the happiness gain through hard work.. =)

Rates: Low Pay

Roles: - Commercial Ads;
- MTV;
- Background singers / singers;
- Film production;

Performance/Shoot Start:

Performance/Shoot End:

Submit by: 18/12/2008

Audition Start:

Audition End:

Audition Address:

Production Company: MEI

Like this.

Okay I'm not annoyed at her (who posted this up).
In fact, I dropped her an email saying she might have gotten a bit of a mixup.
I don't understand why she wasn't taught how to use this site.

If I'm not wrong, while we have to pay and get past auditions to get our profiles up on this asian database, casting directors, agents, producers, production companies etc don't have to and they gain full access and are allowed to post up the calls for auditions and whatnot.

So what you see here, basically, is an audition notice.

The title says:
Audition for Ad.

It is guranteed to have lots of users clicking on it because we all think it's an audition for an ad (like the title suggests).

I think what this girl meant to do was list that she was available to go for auditions for ads/tv/film or whatever. Under the "pay" column, I think she meant that she'd accept low pay and not that (as it is supposed to mean) she pays low (for the job).
Under the "roles" column, people usually put down the roles they NEED and this girl, I'm guessing, meant the roles she can play or the roles she's looking for.
I could've just misinterpreted the entire thing that she wrote.

I'm not sure how she got onto the site but I hope she takes the audition notice down before like, it gets super embarrassing. I feel so bad for her!

what I meant to say was that I'm annoyed that there wasn't anything up (warning signs or something, or How To Do signs) to help her out. Then again, maybe there were but she didn't see.

I think I'd die if it were me. (I've removed her personal info from the post)
How awful for her!

I'm a bit stunned actually, the whole write up and that she filled in the production company bit too.
Uhm, I'm just going to shut up right now.

She must be really good in singing though, if she's in London College of Music!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dear E,
I miss you too(:
We'll go out soon though.
PS: I'm keeping my fingers crossed. xoxo


So today came to an end.
This very cute kid wrote on his feedback form
"I would like to see Miss Charis again."
Now say awwwwwwww.


I'd like to blog more but I've to be up super duper early tomorrow for filming.

ps, I also have to carry on working right after half past twelve back at Cat high (two mins to go from Little India to Bishan, wow)

I need fingers to chew on throughout the day SO THAT I DON'T DIE.
"I'd rather take a poison pill than be with another man."
"We can go to the pictures, have dinner, do the dishes, whatever you like all by ourselves."
"What are you saying mother? That all men are useless?"
"No, just not necessary!"

-- Charms for an Easy Life

I caught a bit of this on telly over breakfast. Was a tad hard to tear myself away I'll admit.

So I was up about an hour ago, half smiling as I dozed in and out of sleep. I'm feeling quite a bit better, to be honest. My throat still hurts an awful lot, it's all dry and whatnot.
But my body's feeling a lot less feverish and all that(:
yay me!

So it's back to work in about an hour.
I ought to head off pretty damn soon.


Monday, November 10, 2008

this is life

So today was the first day of my string of tiring days.
It was relatively fun.
Other than the microphones (ALL FOUR OF THEM) failing on us IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR SHOW.
Not just any show, mind you,

I went home, took more meds, ate cereal and went back to bed before waking up and going back to work.
Drama Workshop was fun/great/crazy/productive albeit rather weird.
Like when this one tiny kid kept pressing his palms together and then finally, looked up at me and said,
"If you're on our team, we will win. I know because I can tell the future."

Fantastic yo.

A lot of ugly sides of the kids came out, and it doesn't solve things by giving me the whole,
"boys will be boys" spew.
Because I don't think having a dick gives you the right to slam someone to the ground and drag him around, side-of-face-down, on the floor.
I also do not think having a dick gives you the right to tell a fellow member of your species,

Very strange, nine year olds of today.

It DID have it's funny moments though.
(group closest to me)
"wah lao, hurry up lah Benjamin. So slow, see la, make us lose."
(Benjamin is a tiny kid lugging a huge water bottle)

I'm sure I'll have more tales from the next two days.
That is, when I'm done blowing my nose and coughing out my intestines.
For now, I'll leave you with the best meetings you can ever go for. (you be wishing you were me!)

Five of us are sitting around planning the programme for the Drama Workshop. Our boss (Nora) always makes us try out the stuff we suggest, to see if they're do-able.
One of our activities were role-playing. So we had to act as primary school kids, ACTING. Get it?
Scene One: Kid A= Boss= kid with lots of pocket money, Kid B= Me = kid with no pocket money

Nora (acting as kid A): Today I want to buy Nasi Lemak, green tea, sushi and and and and,
eh! what you going to buy today ah?
Me (Kid B): uhhh. I don't know.
Me: No No! I'm not! But today can lend me money anot?
Nora: WAH LAO, yesterday lend you fifty cents, day before lend you twenty cents. you pay me back then I lend you!
Me: I cannot, I forgot to bring. So today you lend me then I tomorrow pay you back

Scene Two: Kid A= Boss= Kid who failed, Kid B= Me= High Scorer
Nora: Nothing I don't know, go away!
Nora: No I never , I never, go away!


Nora: Christ, everything also Go and Die, quite sad right?


Today ended off really nicely, I got to nap at like about six-ish. I knocked out properly for about an hour while Victor read the papers outside):
(omgomgomg I am SO SO SO sorry. I still can't get over that)
Then we had smoked salmon soup for dinner.
I wish I could've tasted more of it): Bloody cold!

Bedtime for me!

Sunday, November 9, 2008



So the evening before, we went to Hard Rock Cafe (not a super huge deal cos Enqing's been there before)): )
My camera decided to be in a bad mood, so we don't have a lot of nice pictures.
This one's nice though!


Enqing, cutting and doling out food for us, even on his birthday.

We headed to this fantastic place right afterwards called Howl at the Moon.
It was heaps of fun :D:D

The birthday boy got a special song which he had to sit on the piano for (there were two grand pianos on the stage), and it went something like:

(in the tune of little polka dot bikini of course)

Fun filled night, drinks, and my two favourite boys (plus Lester and his two female friends who were much fun too!)
What more could anyone have wanted eh? haha

and I've got a while to go now, don't I! hahaha

hope you had fun(:

Bloody hell, I suddenly came down with a random flu of sorts.
It's annoying the hell out of me.
I've been coughing out blood in my phlegm since the day before yesterday (likely because I've been coughing too hard). I've had crazy up and down temperatures, but the worst of it i think, is having that bit in between the back of my nose and the back of my throat feel incredibly dry.
I'm so pissed because I only have today left to get better because this entire week is going to be incredibly crazy for me.
Like seriously crazy. Busy Busy Busy much.

Drama workshops, one assembly show, filming (which starts at 5am!)
If I'm not better by today, then the week is going to be absolute hell for me.
I've a feeling it might be actually. I've a feeling I'm not going to get that much better even though I've had twelve-hour sleeps (or thereabouts) for the last two days.
There we go, I just coughed up bloody phlegm again.

I'm telling you, when I was in secondary school and dying to get ill, I never got ill.
Hardly ever.
Not this kind of ill.
And this year?
This year when I love what I'm doing, I've been ill so many times I can't even count okay!
I've been on about four rounds of anti biotics this year, so I've no idea what it's doing but it doesn't seem to bloody be working!

I am SO SO SO pissed off because right now is really the worst time for me to be ill.
I could've been ill last week, but nooooo. I had to be sick in the DAYS leading up to a busy week.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

meow meow


Not just any kitty cat, mind you.
I want a Ragdoll(:

Baby be mineeee!


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I never got to have those pictures;
your declaration to the world.
For so long, we must've been too caught up in all that didn't matter.
And what mattered most, we didn't keep.


Viewed the new flat.
I think it's most probably where we're going to be moving to.
So say hello to noisy Indian neighbours. It's not the race that I mind, it's the super loud music.
But, I'll admit, WAY better than noisy Chinese neighbours.
Somehow, I always think Indians and Malays are easier to talk to and say,
"hey there, considering it's ten past eleven could you lower the volume a wee bit?"
Chinks are the more likely to say,

I know.
Talk about sad truth.

Anyhoos, as pointed out by Victor, the place is strikingly Singaporean.
Shame, that.
Well if mommy's friend's friend is up for leasing out her condo in Bishan then, it'd be nice.
But I'm seriously doubting that.
Though it would be fantastically prettier.

thus begins our major move!
Please let me know if you need stuff that we might be able to give you.
A trophy engraved with Alastair Leong and thee bestest boyfriend perhaps?
omg I'm kidding about that! (I swear babe, I know you'll read this. I'm just kidding!)
Pretty sweaters, dinky skirts, the works.

Yea, geez, sad much eh?

I'm super duper excited!((:


when the rain comes

My day cleared itself out today.
What with the rain and studies and checking out that new flat in hougang.
Personally, i think I'm leaning towards the one in Serangoon North.

My Philosophy final year exam is tomorrow.

My days have filled up nicely. Now I don't feel like such a gross slug, Thank God.
I've just done a short film, and I'm doing another one next week as well as doing an assembly show AS WELL AS doing a dram workshop with Jo.

So, even though it's just for a week, it's back to my workaholic self. Tee hee.
I've sort of missed that busy me, to be honest- As much as I complained about it.
If I were to pick out a schedule of my busiest day next week, it'd be Wednesday.
Filming starts at 5am, and then I've got the drama workshop at Cat High in the afternoon.
So yes, expect me to be pretty passed out by the end of the day. haha

Wendy Cheng just did a massive rant about inconsiderate smokers.
Then i read her comments (well no, not all 369 of them)
and I wondered if she really does read every single one of them or if she just leaves them there.
I also wondered why people post the same thing.

and I also thought it funny that some related their own incidents in not-so-great English.
Most of us are like,
omg, I so don't care.
Like, you're not angry but you're not happy. And it's just a post to you, and you really don't give a droplet of shit. Then you have all these people, super duper-ly excited about what she wrote and chipping in about their hair being smelly because of people smoking.


My tattoo's getting all fucked up right now.
All the ones on my back have never been like this.
It's itchy, and sort of like got little bobules on it. And it's not like, the entire area that my tattoo is on!
Weirdly enough, it's just the tattoo itself.
It's a bit too late for an infection, so God knows what it is.
It sure as hell feels weird though.

I'm off to eat cereal and study now! yay!

Monday, November 3, 2008

and i'm sorry if i made it something it wasn't

I'm running out of feelings and tears and that buzzy feeling you get after lots of Ethanol Chloride and beer.
I think they called it happiness for a while.

But I guess someone must've realized that happiness isn't that buzzy feeling,
it's actually the EC and beer and thinking you're on your way to happiness.
Except of course, when you get to the part where you're supposed to laugh til you've got stitches,
you find that you're crying instead.

I'm broken,
there I've said it now,
but it doesn't make an iota of difference.

We say we will, but we never get round to fixing what's broken.
And eventually, we throw it away, with all the other things we held on to just for the sake of memory.

I'm strong enough, I thought. But I wasn't, really. And now you've seen right through me and there's nothing I can do about it.

It feels like there's that build up of pressure inside your ears, like when you're on a plane or when the cable holding the elevator snaps and it's rushing downwards.
And you swear it might burst, and it hurts because that huge amount of pressure, it's just building up and pressing against the inside of your ears.
And everyone around you is just staring at you, thinking you surely must be mad, because you're holding on to your ears and you're crying because it just hurts so bad, but you can't hear yourself when you speak so you've stopped trying altogether already.

I always hated feeling like I was crumbling.

believing, that he's gonna come round soon.

I thought one of the things I'd learnt was never to expect anything from anybody.
So I don't know why I still do that.

Anyway. I'm up at ten on the first day of the first official week that I have absolutely no work.
So it's my first day to myself and I should be happy and enjoying it and relaxing.
But I'm not, clearly, or I wouldn't have typed out that last sentence.

Janice is down with some kind of crazy high fever, and because it's highly unlikely that I'll be home all day, she's at the office with mom.

Cafe Del Mar is not recruiting any waitresses, so there goes my evil plan of getting a hot tan while working.

My first completed module has finally been graded.
It was English, and even though I swear I worked bloody hard on it, I ended up with a total grade of a B-
That just adds to my overall annoyance at myself, so I'm not going to whine and cry even though I really want to. And I'd like to call someone, anyone, up because this whole grade thing is really getting to me, but what would be the point in that, exactly?
So I'm going to just shutup and get on with life.

I'm overwhelmed by that same feeling of frustration as I was at the beginning of last week. I'm pretty sure it stems from this knowledge that everyone is busy, off doing something else. And I should be too, as a matter of fact.
But I can't seem to just, get down to it. And that is a huge source of frustration.
See it's fine if everyone close to you is procrastinating like crazy, or working with you. But I suppose it's a bit different when you're suddenly chucked all this alone time without warning.

Don't get me wrong, I love my alone time. But last week, so many people cancelled on me and SO MANY days got messed up that when I could've been doing something way more productive, I wasn't because I was out and getting mad at my cellphone because it delivered the voices of various people saying, "Sorry, but something came up."
I can probably count the number of people last week who didn't cancel on me. Of course we always have last minute things to do and all that. Getting cancelled on now and then is fine, it's just that it sort of happened to me like, the entire fucking week.
So last week was quite a rollercoaster ride. And I found myself crying lots, more out of frustration than anything else, and texting a close friend heaps of rubbish. Thank God for her though.

Anyway, it almost feels like today's going to be one of those days.
I think I might just end up staying at home to do work. How fucking fantastic. And poor TLC had to go to mom's office cos I was supposed to be busy.

Actually, it feels like this week is going to be one of those weeks.
So anyway, just like how I'm fed up with waiting around for people in order to get stuff done, I'm just going to do whatever it is I need to do.
I can't fucking be bothered anymore, and I hate this immense feeling of self-loathe that comes with the frustration. It's not just being stressed out about work. It's like, being stressed out and not having anyone to talk to because everyone is busy doing their own stuff. And worse still, you should be too, except you're blogging about these kind of rubbish feelings that no one has time to think about because it's utter bullshit.

as you can see, this is why I've been rather grumpy in the last week on an on-off basis.

I want to get a waitressing job for like, two weeks.
I really really do.
Just so that I can say, "I did this!"
Then again, I might just do something else.
I want to get one of those random sales/waitressing/don't know what kind of jobs that people my age get!
This is the problem with being a teacher; when school's out, that includes you too.

I'm not being a complete slug though, Thank God.
I went down for a couple of auditions, did a short film on Saturday. It was fantastically beautiful and the scriptwriter/director is just amazing. She's really funny and easy to work with. The way she talks reminds me of my old flatmate, Dawn. They talk in this way that really makes you comfortable about saying stupid stuff.

I've also got a show lined up for me next Monday at a primary school.
Probably have a couple more stuff like Drama workshops to help out in and more random one-day projects to do with Inward Bound. So all that's not too bad.
I just need to figure out what to do with the rest of my time.

Besides studying that is.

We'll see.
I should stop hanging about, waiting for people to be free so that I can get off my ass and do something. That, for sure, would just be absolute bullshit and is definitely guaranteed to fuck me up and get me really pissed off with the world.

And there's so much to do, anyways.
Like packing up my life into cardboard boxes and pretending that we're moving off to some place better.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

when I was still allowed to love you

all that's left in my ears,
is white noise.
And it's growing louder trying to cancel itself out.

maybe it'll be better if I stopped trying