Thursday, April 30, 2009

and the sea erases the steps of lovers in the sand

But I miss you most of all my darling,
when autumn leaves start to fall

Autumn's Mercy

Writer : Dawn Fung

Forty steps before an audible crunch
I noticed the black and yellow
stripes - previously strong hues,
of a dead bumblebee
discoloured three weeks in the cold.

It had been buried and warmed
by the weight of falling leaves,
saturated until the last gale blew, cajoled
and pried open the narrow glade
humbled for the coming frost.

Its withering frame had been left
unscarred by rains - protected by
wet, brown veins of soft surfaces
sliding upon each other in
nature's accreted camouflage.

Wings unbroken, it now snuggles
beneath the forest blanket,
tucked between the ears of a frozen blade.
The rested guest quietly sleeps
in the comfort of autumn's mercy.

I know full well this pardon : that
it will never wake to darkened sounds,
nor shiver through the bleak
passageways, nor stutter words that echo
wildly under the oblique sun, nor fear
the lonesome shape of the beast
that trod it on the wintry floor
when January's unforgiving hours come.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

a few things I've realized:

I don't like incense.
Not even these nice little ones from Willow Stream Fairmont Spa which is supposed to be all lovely and pretty.
It makes my room smell like the corridor.
What's the purpose of having these lovely coloured sticks with labels like "rose", "ylang ylang", "lavender" on it when it all smells the same!

If you know me, you'll know i'm a huge fan of essential oils and making my room smell like a spa. And incense does not work at all. In fact, it leaves me with ash all over the fucking place like I've been smoking a super slim. At least cigarettes would've made my room smell decent.
Good heavens.

Well, someone's gonna get a very pretty looking present soon!

I'm great at procrastinating.
I've got two major speeches to write and I am just dwaddling!
But you see, i'm absolutely stumped! I don't know what my speech goals are or why I should bloody adapt it to my imaginary audience. groan.

And there's the list of a half a million things to do tomorrow. I'm not a fan of people just having to meet up although it's perfectly understandable. It's just that I'll absolutely die if i turn up for a stupid interview that I don't even want. What a bloody waste of time that would be, honestly!
Plus I'm coming out of the middle of the woods to go right back into a different forest!

Why can't the world be all sunshine and lollipops?
Okay, two funniest things.
The first was that as i reached over to grab my phone, my eyes were scanning the room for my baby girl. She didnt seem to me in her usual curl-up places.
TURNS OUT SHE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, except she was asleep on my black top so i couldnt see her.

The second funny thing that happened was that I scored full marks for this chink quiz on facebook.
I rock!
Sometimes i don't know what I want to do.
And it sort of scares me.

Sometimes I kinda feel like I don't have my priorities right. And well, it's always like that isn't it?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

emo nemo says:

On rainy days, my baby girl curls up in bed with a brolly. You know, just in case.

And I take pictures of my hair right after it's done(:

It was a loooot more flourecent than last time. In fact, Jessie did the colour twice over!
But for some reason, while it took nearly six months for it to fade last time, it's taken this round less than a month. The hole in my pocket burns. ):
That whitish, greyish bit you see is the inside of her ear. She's covering her face cos baby don't like light when she's napping.



Second, yay I'm back from Tioman with a nice tan and a burnt nose.

ps: I will do that if the kids belong to my close friends too. Well, I'll tell them off for sure. So, just a warning.

Fourth, mommy is ill due to the lack of the cutest charis and apparently, so is my baby girl!
She threw up today and mommy, who left work early because SHE was ill, had to clean up baby's puke.

Pics in a bit. I'm quite disturbed with this whole mysterious cheque thing going about. Both times (this second time i'm not sure yet) it was with the DBS bank in Bishan. So strange!
And unfortunately, I think it'd be a lot more difficult to ask the company to re-issue the cheque. It's Bird's brother's company. Sibeh Paiseh. (ahmahgad, i am singaporean-fying myself!)
I have this feeling right, that if it turns out that it got lost again like last time (which is honestly damn fucking weird) then I won't tell the company (although i ought to so that they can cancel the cheque).
omg why does all this keep happening to me! (okay, it doesn't "keep happening" to me. it's just that this might be the second time this month! why am i so jinxed!)

On another note, there's soooo much to do in the month coming up.
schoolwork, for one. Getting my license, for another. As well as getting my darling little girl snipped and giving her jabs because I don't want her to fall ill. Poor little darling.

Upon coming back from my trip, I jumped straight into work and doing Mock Assessments and whatnot. Yongqing is a fantastic actor, I swear. I even recorded his piece because it was just so funny!
The rest were great too. Although, as it turns out, we'll be having an assessment the week after next. There aren't common tests scheduled for that day, they've said. Which doesn't make sense about why Yongqing's class had to have assessment first. They could've had more time. tsk.

I is back from Tioman! Lovely lovely!

Buttons: oooh, weekend bag! I'll climb in first. We must be going some place special!

Buttons: Mommy Mommy! I'm all comfy now! When do we leave? I AM going aren't I?

nope, baby girl didn't come. But Grandma and Aunt Janice got the lovely honour of babysitting for the weekend while I enjoyed this:

I am brown cow! (Though not nearly as brown as bird, I'm guessing. But definitely redder!)

So lovely lovely time. We went snorkelling, canoeing, tanning, tanning, tanning, tanning.
The trip was awesome! Travel-buddy time is love!
And there were sooo many cats there! A few of them Buttons' age and lots more willing to be hugged and cuddled. I picked one up, and she promptly dozed off in my arms. And even when I squatted down to let her off, she readjusted herself and curled up in my lap!
omg say awwwwwwwwwwwww.

Of course, there was a fair share of people I wanted to fucking burn with my cigarette. But that aside, it was a wonderful experience.
I am SO going back to get a diving cert!
(boob reduction/teeth whitening later lah)


Thursday, April 23, 2009


wandering off track again, I am.

So I had an extremely long and tiring day today with so many major things to do!
Except i didn't do the one thing I was looking forward to the most: Kickboxing.
What the fuck right.
I'm kinda pissed because I really wanted to go. But at that point I was sooo tired AND I was a half hour late because I had to pick up letters. I left on time (kind of) but traffic was a bitch.
This wouldn't have happened if I had a bike! grrr.

I've sat for my final exam though. SO,
mentally draining activities (double check!)

It's so easy to slack off right now. Well, I'm pretty much already doing it. But I just HAVE to at least finish one of my two speeches before I go have fun this weekend.
Or I'll just completely be worrying about it the whole time.
(who am i kidding) I'll be KINDA worried the whole time. Which makes for uneven tanning, I'll have you know!
I tried on all the swimsuits I have (I know I'll only be there for two and a half days but I wanted something nice!) and I look like a beached whale.
Well, I will look like a beach whale. In front of my mirror I look like a seal with peeling skin.

Sweet Jeebus, I think I'm going to go for a boob reduction before my teeth whitening.
And I am seriously, not kidding you. (omg I think some of my students read this! ACK)
But it pisses me off!

Maybe I should talk about the problems of having big boobs in my informative essay!

I'm itching to get out. I feel like screaming WHAT AM I DOING HERE to random local people who waddle around me.
I'm quickly running out of reasons to stay. Quick! come up with something, because my suitcase seems big enough to pack my entire life in. I've learnt to do that over the last four years anyway.

Maybe if I do, then I'll scratch that itch and I can sit around longer.
Or maybe I'll just accidentally miss the flight back to Singapore and webcam with Abigayle for the rest of her life.
I will go ask Buttons what she thinks.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

More pictures that I should share, lest they grow mould inside Heather

Okay so I checked through my old posts and realized I DID post up pictures, but they were all only from Enqing's camera!
So these shots are all from The Little Creature's instead! yayyyy
And they're all pretty much in random order cos I'm rushing off for dinner.

Well, it's my party and I'll put up random photos if I want to!

Meet Elizabeth, our ladies' man:

Told you so, hahaha

Our other trigger happy person other than TLC!

She always did have more fun with herself
and vicky's boob.

sorry, quite crazy about salmon. teehe
i (heart) macaroons forever and ever and everrrrrrrryayyyyy!
Well don't complain now, I usually don't even bother with pictures!

Sunny Island

Here's what I like about Singapore:
On days where I'm in a particularly bad mood, and I don't feel like being nice,
when I feel like sitting on the outer seat on a crowded bus and giving the window seat to my bag, or when I can't be bothered to get out of my seat to let the person inside get out,
or when I feel like shoving past people because I MUST be in front of the doors when they open,
on those kind of days,
people will just think I'm completely and utterly normally.

Strange enough, I was in quite a good mood today. It's not always a good thing though, because you get funny looks when you're smiling to yourself for no particular reason.

I've been trying to throw around a couple of ideas for the TWO speeches that I've got to get round to writing. Since I should move on from my horrifyingly poorly done assignments.
I'm probably going to talk about animals. You know, stuff like being a responsible pet owner and not chucking your cats when you move or when they get preggers.
OR it could be the wildlife angle. You know, endangered species and the works.
I wish I was more creative):

Wait for it:D

halfway home

Halfway Home - Jason Mraz

Well, I finished my last assignment. Tomorrow's my exam and I've got one last project before I'm home-free! Well, not really. I've to start on my other subs, clearly.

So what constitutes as rest?
Bathing my little girl, feeding her super nice foodies and slapping on a face mask before I head out to work.
Oh, and listening to Jason Mraz, having two cups of coffee and searching for flights to Christmas Island. Which, ironically, are not available around the Christmas time.
C'est la vie

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


ahmahgad! Trend alert!

1) everyone's wedding ring is gold! whyy!

2) everyone's coming up with super super pretty names for their babies!
Like regan, raphael, chloevelle, lovelle, shannon, caden, damien.

The simplest baby names I've seen are
Alfie, Chloe and Dawn.
And beside Valentino and Ashton that's superrr simple. hahaha

Oh noooo, I'm so doing the whole difficult-to-spell-and-pronounce-name thing for my babies!

Clearly I'm running out of things to talk about.
Well, not really. I wanted to point out what I just pointed out.

Other than that. I've finished (am finishing) my second assignment in two days. But I cannot get over how bloody unmotivated I get when I do badly.
I got a B on this assignment, and 85% and I'm so incredibly upset. I starting sniffing and tearing up. And then I got pissed off at all the seemingly redundant thing that I'm studying in my last two chapters. It's driving me insane.

I jumped back to my A grade for my second last assignment, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't too cocky while doing this one. I checked and rechecked before submitting it.
When I got the grade back just now, I was awfully tempted on shooting an email to the school and claiming I'd submitted the wrong answer sheet. But then i went back to my questions to attempt to identify any careless mistakes that I might change, and although I've got two or three questions I'm not sure of, I can't say for certain that I know the right answer to the rest of them.

My point is, I don't know where I've gone wrong. So I have to sit back and freaking accept my bloody lousy grade and learn from it.
It's so infuriating. It took me two whole assignments to jump back to my A and now I've dropped and it's a B! not even a B+

I know right, since when did Charis Vera give two hoots about grades.
But i don't knowwww.
One tiny part is actually the OCD.
They don't match very much do they? Don't look very nice or pattern-y.
Of course I'm just being stupid.
A major part is that, I've had a B- for all my other subs, and I just would really like to do better than that. You can get into a university as long as you pass all your modules, which means getting a C and above. But of course, what kind of university is a different matter.

I know I might not do that fantastically for my other subjects and i just feel like it's one subject that I might be able to do well in. And right now, a B looks disgusting. It really really does.
It looks so freaking horrible and I'm so unmotivated to finish off my assignment.
And after stuffing my face with ice-cream i haven't felt any better in the least.

Oh Jeebus,
I might as well right?
It's all of ten questions or something loserly like that.
I really hope I get an A or at least an A- for this one.
I feel like jumping out my window.

Monday, April 20, 2009

but pearls don't curl

curl like pearls!

I was feverish today again (oh wait, I've mentioned that)
But I have managed to complete my fifth assignment and I will definitely finish my sixth before Thurs. yayyyyy

Anyhoos, I really hope that I'll be able to hang out with my friends before DD leaves for Aussie again. )):
I can't wait for the weekend though!
My woooord! With all the work I'm doing, it is definitely going to be fantastically well deserved!

I had quite a lovely dinner tonight, it's the first time that I've gone to a stall and ordered a proper meal (I swear). I've ordered wings and drinks before but I always pick off people's plates or they order for me (Like Richa) hahahahah.
So yay me!
It was great meeting up with Richa again and I hate that it's always only like, when they're a couple of days away from leaving the country.

Weeeeell, if you ever read this Richa, Have fun in Canada! And make out with lots of cute people, and take pictures of it to show us!

Heather's coming to school with me tomorrow.
Groan. So much to do, So much to doooooo.
Dammit, seems the flu-bug's bit me twice.
This is completely impossible! I can't possibly sit out for three weeks! That's mad!
And it would've been the time of my freakin' life, had I been back in school.
Bloody hell.

So as if that's not bad enough,
turns out I'm working four out of five days this week.
Yeahp, on top of my major assignment-rush and the exam I need to get over and done with AND the two major speeches that I've got to finish.
Might just see if I can extend the last speech project, although I have my doubts about that.

On a much happier note, I've gotten my results back from my last assignment!
(The one I took FOREVER to complete and has resulted in my mad rush. It's amazing what the delay of just one thing can do to you)
I got a 96%! Which is an A :D
Now, if I manage to keep THIS assignment which I'm doing right now at an A, then I've a good chance of doing preeeetty well for my Public Speaking. Overall that is.
But the exam worries me though.

The neighbours next door are finally moving in, and they're keeping my baby girl up from her nap. >: I

Sunday, April 19, 2009

"no," she says, "because I'm not really here"

"will you remember to love me?"
"I suppose I could fit that in somewhere after squeezing my blackheads and being a dickhead."


Well, it's the start of a new week.
Some are heading back to school and others are going on about their lives and feeling utterly miserable about it.

There's just so much to do this week.
I ought to go on weekend trips more often, because it prompts me to have my shit wrapped up before i go bumming off to enjoy myself.

Anyhoos, the last couple of weeks were a bit of a bummer because it took me like half a million bloody years to finish an assignment because I was sick out of my skull. I walked around like a half dazed moron and kept throwing my head back during my Tuesday class to keep my snot from dribbling out and only succeeded in giving myself a major headache.
Good grief!

My little girl has been an absolute angel of recent!
Save for the early six,seven am wake up calls she gives me by pushing my weird bottles of stuff onto my face and nipping at my toes. Gosh, i can't wait to bring her over with me next year and have her be all fat and fluffy because it's coooold.
And because she's SUCH a darling, you absolutely CANNOT help feeding her treats every twenty seconds! I kid you not! But she's awfully skinny because she jumps about like mad. Umi says she'll get fat after her snip-snip.
But she will still be my adorable little baby!

So this week involves a serious amount of Stay-At-Home time in order to complete all my dratted assignments AND study for my exam on Thursday. GAH.
Plus, if I can, write TWO speeches so that I can record them when I'm back from being in the sun and send them in to my prof. He actually gave us a complete breakdown of how he's grading us though! Fantabulous stuff.

Well, I'm off to stuff myself with ice-cream and get to work.
But my bed does look an awfully lot inviting so I might just, you know. hmmmmmm

you've got me slightly disappointed.
just a bit and just enough, to keep me up another night-
waiting for another day

and I will be okay, i will.
I will be okay, I will.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

i just finished watching the close-up version of Happy.
My, it was good.
Picturing it when you're reading the script and then seeing it live.
The actors were fantastic, I must say. Just Brilliant.

So I went out for dinner with Chris today, plus his wife and korean friend.
It was lovely, and i got to hear about the play and what he thought of it and how else he felt he could've done it. We got to chatting about what I should be looking into to study and I seriously feel like curling up into a ball and having Buttons push me round the floor because I'm like !*&@#$*&^#$)#% about the whole major-in-whatever-thing.
It's driving me insane.

Anyhoos, considering I'm only just getting better from my week-long flu-bug (yeah i know right. wtf), I ought to be off.
This is the latest I've slept since wow.
Okay, not really. But I don't actively sleep at this time. By "actively sleep at this time" I mean look at the clock and decide to do something else which will inevitably delay my bedtime.
That phrase doesn't even make sense so clearly, I am still ill.


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hey there, birthday girl

So i know this is a week or so late, and I didn't even take these pics, and I know I couldn't hang out with you for your birthday yesterday, and I know I'm only telling you this a day after

I love you super duper uber much(:
Hope you had tonnes of fun last night
Sweet lord, I hate that I was such an incredible brat last night.

Anyhoos, I'm still feeling awfully feverish and it's not the bestest feeling in the world, lemme tell you. I'll never understand why I was never ill when I was in school. If I was ill as many times as I've been (within this year alone), it'd have given me less chance to miss school (because I'd be really ill most of the time).


I look like absolute crap right now and I've got swollen eyes and this gross taste on my tongue.

And, as if that's not bad enough, I'm missing LA like crazyyyyy.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I think I've just come back from the worst day of my life.
Except I don't even know exactly at which point it became the worst day of my life.
But it's so bad I feel like stabbing myself and crawling into a hole, but definitely not before trashing my room and throwing everything breakable on the floor.
God. I need help.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

the little things gang up to irk me

I had a tiff with TLC over something super lame. I'm too grumpy for my own good.

Groan, there's so much that I have to do. It's insane.
Actually there's not a lot but my ass is sore from sitting on my stool and my body is rather achey.

Buttons is due for a bath but then she won't be a very happy baby by the time Enqing comes over to see her. hahahahahah.
I'm worried she's growing up too quick and I'll have to take her in to get snipped a bit earlier.

Ah, the woes of a mother! (I'll be our parents would've gotten us snipped if they could!)

On the plus side!
Victor gave Heather back to me and said I could have his extra wireless stick (which looks awfully cool!) to solve my dead-wireless problem!
Thanks love! If anything, for taking her apart and trying to figure out what went wrong:D

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

omg, my sister's calender is right beside me and every single box (day of the month) is filled with STUDY BIO, STUDY GEOG, STUDY A MATH, STUDY A MATH, STUDY SS, STUDY BIO, STUDY GEOG alternatively.

And what did I do? I did something like HALF A CHAPTER today and got sleepy. grooooan. But at least I'm pretty sure I'll finish my assignment by tomorrow.
Kudos to ME!
Plus, I've booked my Public Speaking exam already. diddums.
If it was a live presentation, it wouldn't be half as bad. It's just theoretical stuff.

I am super uber, completely tired today because half of today (not really but i swear it felt like it) I felt like stabbing people in the FACE.
Especially that horrid smelly little girl in her godawful uniform who couldn't move her bleeding bag for me to sit down. stupid fool. (it's not as trivial as it sounds, being typed out)
And yes well, lots of other stuff. Like people staring at empty seats for FIVE MINUTES while the front door is open and everyone's staring at the man staring at the empty seat and there is desperate need for SPACE BECAUSE FIVE PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO GET ON THE BUS.

Seriously, how stupid can you get!

Sweet Loooooooord! Go lick your asshole clean and live there for the rest of your miserable life, PLEASE.

Aren't I just a sodding bitch today!
Well I deserve to be. It was hot and warm and like, Jeebus, you could feel heat radiating from the pavement. And I would know because I had to shake out stones that slipped into my fucking shoes.
And you have smelly girls who refuse to move their fugly bags and fuglier faces and decide to stare intently at their stupid BUBBLE TEA CUP FOR THE REST OF THE BUS RIDE.

(omg I am sooooo ah lian right now!)
yeah I know, I'm being really mean to this girl. But she was the mouldy squishy cherry with maggots wriggling out of it- atop my stale and oddly tasting cake.

I wanted to murder so many people today it sort of scared me.
HAHA NOT REALLY. I STILL WANT TO MURDER THEM and let Buttons eat the remnants of their sorry little bodies.


my tongue hurts)):

There's soooo much to dooo and just about sufficient time but weeeeeeeell...

Monday, April 6, 2009

to keep me up another night, waiting for another day

It's always too soon after Christmas,
and the songs, they always make me feel a tonne of things.

I have a bad habit of holding on to things too much. Always wishing I could go back and relive stuff. And knowing what you're going to get, and being trapped in that safe, happy period for ages on, always seems better than the whole "making new memories" thing.
But of course, we move on and make a new memory that I want to go back to again.
Quite silly.

So songs, they've got this ability to bring back an entire feeling and atmosphere.
They get me awfully nostalgic, they do.
And for a while, I don't feel like carrying on with my day and prefer to sit and pretend that I can relive whatever it is I'm stuck remembering.

So anyhoos, my week was indeed quite quite lovely.
And I am quite a dizzily happy girl(:
I think I might be coming down with something though, and I've been keeping it at bay with a couple of panadols here and there. But I don't know if that's a good thing.


Well, hello there New Week.
I hope you're just as lovely as the last. (although I might have to postphone my kickboxing because I'm not too well.
GROAN. I don't think I can go swimming at all this week.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

dial tones, bitten cats and lonely rabbits- they make me sad

Gawd, this must be a million years old. (I think your hair's nicer now btw)

I feel incredibly fuckshitty right now.
It must be all the sleeping. I've been sleeping like, tonnes. Which is nice and good once in a while. Except if you start taking three hour naps everyday and STILL sleep at eleven. Or maybe it's just the particular time I took my nap at.

Vicky, you see, has this theory. That if you nap at a certain time and wake up in the evening, or like early evening, you start feeling really dissatisfied with yourself which often makes you very upset. Often bordering on ahmahgad I wanna jump outta the window sort of feelings. Which, I must say, isn't that far off from what I'm feeling right now.
Bloody hell.

Back to point.
I'm feeling absolutely fuckshitty right now. It doesn't feel like I've been doing anything. Anything at all. Which is a little bit absurd if you think about it, because I sure as hell have been doing stuff!
I went for a swim today, taught at TKSS, hung out at East Coast with Victor and came back before seven.
I bathed buttons yesterday, not to mention taught for five hours and fifteen minutes, swam the day before and finished my second assignment.

This doesn't make sense.

And I'm feeling so incredibly irritated with myself, like I can't get round to doing anything. It's pissing me off like FUCK and you just wouldn't believe!
Sweet Jeebus, this is so incredibly bad. I don't even feel motivated to watch How I Met Your Mother! DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT IS?!

I'm so incredibly anoyed at myself. EURGH.

And of course, my second assignment results came in and I did worse than my first. I dropped from an A to a B+ thanks to two extra wrong questions.
Good God.

The day was lovely though, I must say.
Short and long at the same time and (insert a swear word less foul than what I nearly typed here) I feel like crying.
I want to go back to my tiny bed which I just crawled out from and cry.

I feel like if someone says Hello to me the wrong way, I'm going to burst into tears and start cutting myself.
This is so so so bad and I have no, absolutely no idea what's going on.

I've got blisters on my feet and am tempted to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Plus, I'm super headachey.

God I need a cuddle.
Quite desperately, actually.