Sunday, March 30, 2014
And when the world drowns you in the roars of its ocean, I want to be the crashing waves that tell you where the shoreline is.
Where home is.
I want to promise you, that there is nothing you will miss when you listen with your eyes closed and your fingers laced with mine.
I want to find the surest way for you to understand-
That you are magic.
Because you hear all the words that some of us do not say, and you feel the tiniest inkling of a feeling before anyone gets a chance to bury it in their subconscious.
That you are magic.
In the quiet that you are amidst this city's senseless cacophony, and in the comfort that you bring when I've been spat back out at the end of an 18-hour day.
when the world drowns you in the roars of its ocean; when it is difficult to hear above the din of fear, of frustration, of anger and exasperation-
I want to be the crashing waves that tell you where the shoreline is.
Where home is.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
I'm in a cuddlesome mood.
Clearly that is not a good frame of mind to be in.
use me all you want-
I just wish this bit stung a little less.
I am in such, a cuddlesome mood.
Monday, March 24, 2014
The few days away have done me good. I wish I could say the same for my waistline but it's one of those fuck-it-I'm-young-I'll-maximize-on-my-rapidly-deteriorating-metabolism-while-I-can.
And so, armed with a tummy full of hong kong nomnoms to last me a couple of months, I'm about to take on a crazy term 2 in approximately five hours (and I'm still on the way back from the airport! Score!).
A term 2 that kicks off with running a showcase at the end of the first week, featuring seven short plays and three to four sketches, and which will thereafter chuck me into rehearsals for a full length play (more on this later!).
I'm excited about having an actor hat to swap into for a while. The schedule though, is what is scary. Or the lack thereof at the moment.
And oh, that's just the first half of the new term!
I'm desperately looking forward to falling into my softy soft bed and not getting bruised just by crawling into it as I have the last two days. Haha.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
But there isn't much of a point dwelling on the bits that made my day all wrong, or how I come back to an empty that fills me.
Because I am not lying when I talk about how lovely my evening was. And that, for a while, I really was happy. That being with you, and your family, is nice. That I love it. That I close where we are with our families.
Having said that, I think even though I thought I had come away from it, there are parts of today that I am still getting over.
So forgive my sullenness sometimes, my sulkiness; I chide myself often and remind myself that it is the last thing anyone would want to come home to. But on days like this, when we've already said all that there is to be said, when we know it's nothing within our control and neither of our faults, please then, do excuse me.
Because i might want terribly for you to hold me, and make it alright, but I don't know how to ask. Or I might have numbed my sadness just long enough to say I need you, out loud, but am made to realize the world doesn't always work in our favour.
But that's just mostly how growing up works though, right?
That I will need you, and I can. But that doesn't mean you will be there. You fix everything, and so easily- but I can't expect you to all the time.
That sometimes, there will be streams of days that are only punctuated with crying oneself to sleep.
That we are the only ones who can fix ourselves.
That there are birthdays you will find yourself crying your way into.
That all of it is just something I'll have to learn to deal with. On my own.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Especially on a day like this-
When I've just gone between throwing up, crying myself to sleep because I don't feel like I'm recovering quick enough and being buzzy in an achey sort of way from all my medicine.