Friday, October 31, 2008

Best friends are the two ladies;
one in a turquoise outfit with black shoes and the other in a black outfit with turquoise shoes

So I've been out studying since half past eleven, maybe twelve.
It's half past two now and it is a bloody fucking hot day but bloody fucking cold in Coffebean.
It's freaking freezing, I can't do anything anymore.
and my coffee's got weird saturated lumps of milk in it now. It was fine at first so I don't know if time did that to it.

I guess even though I planned on staying longer, and I haven't exactly finished my last two assignments, I should pack up, do my shopping and then head home.
Because it's fucking freezing and I'm lying to myself by saying I'll get stuff done.
I HAVE finished (properly finished, with proper answers) one assignment though.
I'm wondering if I should dice it and submit the next assignment which Victor's helped me answer (without the help of Wiki, and just general knowledge and guessing.)

I would feel bad but I am sooo rushing against time.

Plus, my exam's tomorrow):


and PS, I don't Wiki my answers until like the last minute, when I can't find it in my book.
I think less self-satisfaction doesn't serve a purpose.

Okay okay, I'm gonna go home.
It's too cold to think and my fingers are frozen!


David Hume

This is David Hume!
I've just finished learning about him. My textbook actually mentioned how the young Earl of Charlemont said (of Hume) -
"His face was broad and fat, his mouth wide, and without any other expression that that of imbecility...
The corpulence of his whole person was far better fitted to communicate the idea of a turtle-eating alderman than that of a refine philosopher."

Hume's appearance unsettled the young Earl, it says.

Understatement much!

One of the oldest and most popular arguments for God's existence is the design argument -- that all the order and 'purpose' in the world bespeaks a divine origin.

(I was about to copy and paste his argument in point form then decided you would die reading it.)

This guy basically refuted everything.
I don't like him much but whatever!
It's funny reading about him.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

and I'm left here in my head.
Memorizing the fraction of a second our eyes met

and the feelings that came with that,
let's not forget that too.

holding on to wind

and sometimes, you come across this sort of amazing beauty which you can't actually capture.
You can have it,
but you can't hold it or keep it, as much as you want to.

And sometimes,
you can only breathe it in and hope your body can contain it for a long, long while.
Before you breathe it out and watch the wind whisk it away with all your smiles still trailing behind it.

you forget to notice it, smile with it and at it, as much as you should.
and when that happens,
you wonder why you didn't, when you could.
And when it was all that you wanted to do.
"you are strong," she told me.

And I believe her, because she has never and probably will never give me a reason not to.

I believed you too.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'd run, but there's nowhere to go

not when you know the ending of the story

as I always end up doing, I found old writings in the form of blog posts.
I don't really go through my archives that often.

one post goes:
But of course, fool.
The hurt is well deserved, because you let someone get that close to begin with.

I don't know where that came from.
But I'm tired of tearing myself down now,
because there isn't a point any more.

It's all the same thing at the end of the day.

My words,
they're always the same thing.
Alastair says i just repeat myself over and over again. I wonder if I do that just to make myself believe sometimes.

here I am.
I'm too tired today. I'm too tired.
i just snapped at Janice.
and all because she wanted to sleep in my room tonight.

it's not her fault i feel like this.

I am a terrible, terrible person.

Pick one,
I'm voting for the first and it becomes forever and ever tomorrow.
Tee hee.

Yep, that's right.
No sodding love-soaked tissue papers and empty bottles of wine to promise me forever.
Forever is a pretty tatto. Or you know, five/six/twenty.

for the most inane of reasons, I can't seem to settle down with my long overdue Philosophy.
Jesus Christ, I need to shut up, stop swearing (OMG, GOD I'M SO SORRY. )
I need to stop throwing the Lord's name around like that cos it's a cruddy feeling.
And I need to get my bloody fucking work done.
Geez, did I just swear again.

I need to go on a swear diet, a diet-diet and a people-diet.
ie; hole myself up for a week or so and do something like, paint the walls of my room with pictures of fat, ugly, hairy testicles so that I will having a sobbing landlady at the doorway of my soon-to-be-ex-room.

Sad thought):

It's the moment of truth now.
I need to go play Mommy to TLC. :D:D

Be back later, to whine about how much time I'm wasting.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I baked muffins, with the help of my darling buu and her brother (who helped in sampling them.)
They look rather strange and un-muffin like actually.
More like small pancakes. ): but they taste good when they're warm!

Today wasn't all that bad then, I guess.
So i should go do work like right now.
I'm not alright.

God, won't someone help me.

I think I've been having a bit of a bad day.

a very grey afternoon indeed.

It was supposed to be a busy day today.
Not particularly jam-packed but definitely planned out.
And now there's nothing.
I can't stand messed up plans, it gets me rather moody. But then again, I take my rainchecks and say my sorrys now and then too.

I think I'm tired.
Awfully tired at that.
Of so many things too.
I feel so incredibly unmotivated that it scares me and you screaming,
In short, I am (to put it mildly) rather frustrated at myself.

I've got work, a couple of auditions and assignments to finish this week.
Tomorrow's a perk though, I'll admit. That's why I wouldn't cancel it.

The thing is, it's not like I'm overwhelmed with anything. I'm just bloody sick and tired of having to do things. Of having to think at all.
I figure, if you're in school like the rest of Singapore, and you spend everyday in school doing things that other people plan for you and unwinding more string from the same ball of yarn, then you won't get this frustration.
But you might just get annoyed at not having a say in anything you do and only having to think about what kind of food you should eat (besides mugging qwarfudgeringly hard I guess).
I need an intense dose of discipline shot right into my arm.
And not just for the pain part of it.

I seriously feel like slumping over and just,
bloody hell,
collapsing/dying/something that won't require me to do anything for a long long while.

I'm tired also,
of wanting to want.
The whole relationship cycle that we're always talking about over a glass of wine (or six).
You've got people all over the place dying to be held/loved/fucked over.
Why is that?

I nearly cried, watching the whole Jennifer Aniston story on E-True Hollywood Story.
Kinda always felt that the saddest breakup was Jennifer and Brad's. Although Brad and Angelina do look all hot and stuff together.
I don't know, you know.
Jen and Brad, they were just so sweet.


Anyway, point to my bloody fucking pointless post is:

1) I am tired and unmotivated and very annoyed with myself.
And I'm too lazy to figure out what's wrong. Maybe I'll be fine when I've taken a dump.

2) People should stop telling me how they neeeeed to be with someone. (None of my close friends do that, THANK YOU JESUS! Okay, no one's actively been doing that at all, but I've heard of enough stories thank you!) Because I'm the worst person in the world to talk to about this stuff. If given the chance I would probably stare at you and say, get yourself a toy.
Or I would start lecturing you on how you should be happy with yourself and stop thinking that you need someone in order to feel complete/happy/fulfilled, because if you ever came up with that kind of inane bullshit to my argument, I will probably punch you in the face.
(Once again, THANK GOD my friends don't do that because if I punched them, I would probably end up being worse-off. Somehow I had Ann na in mind when I typed that.)

I mean, there was that whole Jennifer Hudson thing being blown up to the public.
Her sister splitting from her husband and, when her mom told the soon-to-be-ex-son-in-law to move out, she ends up dead. The young boy of the couple has gone missing. And Jennifer Hudson's brother is also dead.

Clearly that is an extreme. But well.

I think I will be dreadfully unfulfilled if I had a wedding where I came in on bloody horseback and became a stay at home soccer mom who baked cookies for my daughter so she'll have something to eat after her after-school fuckfest right above the kitchen sink.
I will die.

But I think what's killing me now is thinking about all this when I don't have to.
So obviously it is time for me to shut up.

and yes,
push my way back through those goddamn swinging glass doors and back into the hustle and bustle that I would kill to get away from.

Monday, October 27, 2008

that's how it starts off,

"and my fingers they're always too fast,"
someone said once,
"and before i know it, i'm already listening to your voice"

and you tell yourself you're just being stupid.

Friday, October 24, 2008

BIRD: What if I was talking about you? hahahaha. hmmm

I'm going for a facial tomorrow!
Like fina-fucking-lyyyyyyyy.
I haven't had one since like, June or something.
No wonder I look like a bloody gross pimply-strangely-pig-like-walrus.

Daddy wants to go look for someone who can undo the damage on my arm.
He's a sweetie, really.
We're meeting him for luncheon tomorrow.
Just Daddy, and daddy's two girls.
Hasn't been like that for a while, so yay(:

I'm gonna get my tattoo this weeeeeeeek.

My new baby girl


I was eyeing this gorgeous baby camera (it IS called a baby camera by the way. hehe)

and had, by the way, talked myself out of wanting it.
Then mommy whipped it out for me today.
She'd ordered it a while ago and has had it for like, a week! She even had it sent to her office and told DF to tell me it was out of stock if I ordered it.


Meet Squidge.
She's my new baby girl, and she's a camera.
A pink camera with a squirrel on her.

Squidge is mine, and very very veeeeeery pretty.
She needs special film (100mm or something) and is super oldschool.
She is NOT digital and her film gets developed like way back when we were kids.

Just in case you're wondering how small my baby actually is (and also wondering why the hell she's actually called a baby camera)

This is Squidge(:



My mommy, and her first experience with snow.
Mommy, at fourteen.
When she'd just moved over to UK...
complete with uber cute ponytails

Mommy, at eighteen and post A levels.
Now I know why I happen to have pictures in the same pose (with wine from the same year too! tee hee)
yeah right.


There're nicer pictures for sureeee, but my phone made her face look like a splotch of bad makeup.
I ought to get them scanned.



Tuesday, October 21, 2008

didn't you cheer me up today(:

Monday, October 20, 2008

I liked today heaps(:

Other than going all the way down to some bloody random place and being told within the first thirty seconds of sitting down that I didn't get the job, that is.

But I was probably there to save that dog.
That dog by the road, with a strap looped over and tied to the bottom half of his body.
With his bleeding gums, paws and tired, tired eyes. Tail soaked in rainwater and all those other things you don't really want to think about.
I was meant to be there, I'm sure.

Burn After Reading was FANTASTIC.
Something i could probably watch a couple more times. Really funny, but like strange, dark and stupid funny.
Kudos to the writer, I say.
It wasn't slap-stick, so Thank God for that!

love in purple lit rooms

I wandered around on facebook and came across this picture.
For some reason, it really held my attention.
This was taken at Cigarette Sex's EP Launch.

On the left, on stage is Lian and I'm pretty sure that's Bunny with her arm raised.

There was just something awfully pretty about this picture.
It's like, it's not the colour of her hair that makes her stand out or anything, but she still does.
Somehow you look at this picture, and she doesn't seem to be just another head-banging fan in the front line of a crowd.

It's like (and there actually really is) something between them, that you can almost see in this picture. And it's not all sappy-mushy either.
It IS bathed in a pretty purple light though.

And I thought that was just awfully awfully sweet.
Tee hee!

I guess we're just made of dreams

Have Faith, in your dreams
and Someday,
your rainbow will come smiling through.
No matter how your heart is grieving,
if you keep on believing,
the dreams that you wish,
will come true.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

your heart had wings, darling

I might have lost a friend last night.
Perhaps for real, and permanently.

And how do you ask me to hope for your peace, now?
How do you ask that we smile and bid you farewell?

There's nothing I can do, stupidly enough.
Except wonder if you really are gone, if the deed's been done,
if, at seventeen,
I have lost a friend.
A pretty close friend, at that.

When did everything else stop mattering?
I wish I knew more.
I wish you were here for me to be angry with.
I wish you knew that sometimes I miss you and,
if there's anything about you that I love,
it's that passion you have for the arts that makes me realize,
I'm not the only one who's crazy.

Tell me you're safe.

Underground Halloween Rave

Massive amount of people-party.
I would say 790+ people is quite a few, for "half the world" not knowing.
Sorry, can't seem to drop that subject.
Well the reason it was called a University Party and yet no one in our immediate circle knew about it, was because it was more like among the University exchange students.
Of course, there were locals here and there.
I saw that cute police woman at one point.
"OMG! Policewoman!" I say, laughing.
"WHERE'S YOUR ID!" She demands, baton swinging.
and the girl in the Picture's from PL. In the school uniform.
When I saw her through the window i was like,

Thank God I went!
I'm a sucker for vibes that are largely unlocal, and the furthest you can get away from Singapore, in Singapore, to party, is a party with exchange students.

I don't know why I still go for boys these days.
But oh wells.
It was insanely fun and lots of people dressed up.
(The slightly more boring ones were, ahem, local girls.)
The guys were fantastic though, in their dressing up.

I wasn't the only one in a schoolgirl outfit, but at least I didn't look like I rummaged through discarded clothes to get my clothes.
Saw this old PL girl from Bella's batch, who came in the uniform.
It was very very cute because she said she was going Old School so it was very clean and unskanky.
Gosh, I should have skankified my uniform and worn it. dammit.

I liked my outfit, though it was nothing compared to Bella and V's.
On top of the fact that their outfits were one of a kind, for sure, because Bella designed them and got them made.

Didn't bring a camera for pictures.
Considering what a camwhore I am, I really should invest in a decent, stuff-it-into-your-bra camera.

So anyhow,
I got gut pukingly drunk.
More than usual, I'll admit, because I didn't actually realize I was drunk until I was scrambling around on the wet grass thinking,

I had stuff caught in my hair, my boobs falling out and nettles (or something like them) latching themselves onto my skin (it hurt like a bitch by the way). The only way to get them out was by yanking the stem it was attached to.
I was scrambling around like bloody crazy and kept falling down the fucking hill like a bloody moron.
I've mentioned before, how I'd never wear my suede knee length boots out for a night of binge drinking. Even if it matches my outfit.
Because I'm too scared of ruining them.
Well, I decided to wear them last night and was worried that people might puke on them.

I didn't take myself into consideration.
And I, of course, didn't take into consideration the possibility of me breaking my heels in an attempt to run away/climb up a hill/ fall down and then climb up again.

I think I burst through the dance floor, giddy, with my skirt hitched too high and grass stains on my blouse to tell Vicky,
"Home, please Vicky, please. Home. Home."
Where by she started yelling at Marko asking what the fuck he gave me.

Back home, mommy had to pick splinter like things out of the patch where those nettle-like things had grabbed my skin.
I'm awake, with weird cuts and grazes that i do not remember getting.
But thank God my mother of all hangovers had my mommy to battle with last night and I just stood in the middle of the kitchen peeling off clothes and whining.

Fun Much!

I want pictures pictures!
Bloody hell,
I DID NOT take enough ANY pictures.
I'm hoping for that handful from the photographer. Please pretty please.

Okay, me bloody tired!
Back to real life tomorrow.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

trying, to be

"Beauty comes from the inside," I've always been told.

And as I grew up, I've gotten uglier and uglier.
You've told me so many times, I know it now.
It's engraved behind every reflection I look into. And if I stare hard enough, I can see those cracks too. The ones I've filled in with makeup and confidence.

So if I used to be,
maybe I've been hoping to find that buried underneath my skin, deep inside the veins carrying my evil, and even deeper still.

And everytime that feeling hits,
and your words tug my fingers toward anything that will tear me open wide enough for the evil and poison inside me, to just, spill out,
I want to keep running away from myself.
Just so that I won't feel like I have to tear myself apart to find something I'm sure I used to have.

Because today, and all those other days that I find that I can still breathe,
that's all that I want to be.


"baby please, breathe for me. give me time, i am here."

I had a lovely day today.
Bar getting caught in a sudden downpour while talking to Alastair on the phone. The bloke's just back from Penang. Yay him!

So I looked after the wee sister for a bit today, before crawling off and napping. Tired much!
I slept at 3am last night rushing my final English Assignment.
Well fina-fucking-ly.

I'm awfully happy, but then because of all the procrastination, and knowing it was supposed to be finished much much earlier, doesn't make me feel all that fab.
Oh wells!
I've got Philosophy, which will be over in the coming week and then Art which I will finish ASAP.
I shall go die.

Okay, well after I'm done with my daily rant and rave.

My next subject lined up is Chemistry and Public Speaking.
Hopefully i'll get to complete my public speaking before they year's out.

Today was lovely,
had dinner at Ikea with Bird.
We walked about and did incredibly stupid things. Things likeeeeee
putting dog bowls on our heads or buying a couple of mouse-pads and sticking it into the huuuuge yellow Ikea plastic bag and telling the counter lady how heavy it was.
I saw a row of lights that looked like candles. omgomg so cute.
I should've just go it.
You know how crazy I am about candles, and well. At least this one won't kill them polar bears!


for a special friend

<3 you(:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The view from up here's better (because I can look down your shirt)

It is ten in the morning on a beautiful day at Holland Village.
You can hear the cars, from this al fresco, Starbucks balcony, but it's not close enough for you to smell the exhaust and Traffic Jam annoyance(:

This is perfect.
Heather, Caramel Latte, Alone time, Eye Candy. Yum much!

Considering I slept at three this morning, I find it startling that I was able to be up at half past seven! (yes, all by myself!)
And i rolled around before my alarm went off at eight.
Ah, contentment.

So I settled in with my morning paper I did.
Reading about subconscious racism in America. (uh oh!) Which is worse than racism itself.
I ought to be off in a bit to go shop for my outfit for Saturday.
Classy, not skanky, Vicky emphasizes.

I am telling you, big boobs are a pain in the shitter!
Vicky and Bella can pull off skanky and make it look hot,
whereas I just make hot outfits look skanky):
Worse still, i make DECENT outfits look skanky on me!
Bloody hell.

I've to go a few levels down, don't I?
Perhaps dress up in a potato sack that does not have my tits falling out of them.
I am not for sale, dammit! Go away already!

I'm threatening to turn up in a Sumo Wrestler outfit and clamber onboard the bus and squeeze in beside Vicky in her cute little outfit.
She painted a (quite imaginable, I'd say) scene of her making out with me in a Sumo outfit while she's in her hot little number. Damn those boys be trippin', they be suicidal.
Tee hee.

I need to find something nice!
Nice and safe.
I told Vee I'd have to get dressed at her place, lest I get caught for indecent exposure the moment I step out onto my landing.
It would happen to be just at that moment that Mr and Mrs Kartithampieroompaloompa aka conservative-as-hell wander into their kitchen and sit in front of the telescope that just so happens to have a pair of binoculars at the end of it that just so happens to be aimed at my tiny apartment at a random spot that has a mirror that I just so happen to be standing in front of as I bend over to put on my shoes.

And if you can get fined for dozing off on a park bench in Singapore, where they want their parks to be relaxing and comfortable but insist that napping (even just by accident) is MISUSE OF FACILITIES, then I had better prepare a DAMN PRETTY POTATO SACK TO WEAR TO COURT.
With matching potato sack colored wedges of course, which I already have!

My Caramel Latte's gone cold so I should finish typing out my assignment and start shopping.
I'll need to find the place first though.
Diana Kings, right above Subway.

Maybe I'll settle for that nice little party shop that I passed on my way here.
You can't possibly go wrong if you're just wearing a plastic tiara and lipgloss, right?

But we'd better make that bloody nice, Nicole Miller -fifty-dollars-a-pop-lipgloss.
Come to think of it, I probably ought to buy one for Mrs Kartithampieroompaloompa too.
It'd do her good to attend those rainbow parties her daughter keeps inviting me to.

Red ribbon on gravel

He sits at the back, staring off into space.
Oblivious to the moving world, uncaring and disinterested.
They move in circles and he wanders on the outside, expressing no interest whatsoever in stepping in, to join hands.

She is no more, and they crowd in around me.
Their questions tripping over themselves, tumbling over each other's heads.
Some of them are reporters, some of them are counselors and some of them are desperate to know.

He comes right up to me, his question balanced precariously on the edge of his lips.
"Did you love her?" He presents this to me, wrapped in a ribbon of a history I do not know.
"I'm her father. Of course I did."
He nods, taking my answer, folding it into himself and the many layers you are not meant to peel away.

He wanders to the corners that they have emptied out to come to me. Fits himself into the familiarity of that emptiness and disappears again, all but physically.
It should not matter, but it does.

she who was not real and is now gone,
at least had a father who loved her.

The product of a yummy mummy(:

Monday, October 13, 2008


I feel like I am dying.
But I know I can't possibly be.

Because you see,
if I was dying,
really dying,
I wouldn't be staring blankly into space, wishing I was dying.

I would happy.
i say, i won't have children,
because childhood's the closest you'll get to fantasy, because the world robs them of that only chance, and its not fair,
we talk about childhood,
because they won't get to talk about it, like we do,
the games we used to play,
the sweets we had,

only cia street sells them now and being there is like returning home, and my children, they'll never get to go home.

am i allowed to tell you that I know what you mean?


I could love you better, I would tell you.
But really, I couldn't

and it wouldn't be fair

the fixer

the bittersweet on the tongue, like friendship and love and all the things we know too well will someday end. we take it like everyone else, with open eyes and broken hearts. when it all breaks away at the ends, which part do you hold on to?
and which part do you fix?

because I don't want to be left holding on to something that wasn't mine to begin with.
if we could just close our eyes and go to sleep then we'll wake feeling like we've never lived before. because we never did.
but its not so much about feeling alive, its to feel like dying's not the only thing we can feel.
tomorrow i'll pack my bags, inside i'll put the promises i can't keep, the love i can't admit, the memories only i remember, the dreams i won't chase

--author unknown

Sunday, October 12, 2008

believe me, believe me
I told someone once,
I can't help but love you
but believe me
I'll never tie you down.

how is it that we manage to give so much of ourselves away, over and over again to people who will take our itty bitty hearts and put it in the grinder, just to see what happens?

C'est la vie.
C'est la fucking vie.

I am lazy to talk about heartfelt rubbish,

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Think of happier times

when you still believed the world was intact and,
weren't about to fall off the edge of a cliff.

Friday, October 10, 2008

the world will drown in stupidity (but it ai'ght, cos you get them ella ella ella fucking vatoorah)

For once, in eons, I found the time to turn on the telly.
I think everyone knows how I sometimes watch bloody senseless shows like E.
But it's not that bad, really.

Then i switched to MTV.
I realized hip hop is just fine when you're in a club and a little bit tipsy and you're more into dancing than listening to the rubbish lyrics.

This song came on by Flo Rida (the oh so cool version of Florida. why do they do that?)
and it was called Elevator. (omg it rhymes!)
The first thing I thought of was another song called Elevator love letter by Stars.
Clearly, I shouldn't have done that because it just made it all the more obvious how impossibly inane Flo Rida's lyrics were.

Here, you compare:

Elevator by Flo Rida

Talk to me girl, Let me tell you girl.
Got you stuck on my elevator.
Get it up. On my ehh o ehh oh.

My first flo stopped a gold diggin' woman
Money cash flow all big faced hundreds
Stuntin' on the pole got them b-boys running
Shorty got both broke can't see what's comin'
Wear them apple bottoms, wear them apple bottoms honey
Dolce and Gabbana and she get it from her mommy
Louis bags, rich, Gucci, Fendi and Armani
See the carrots on her wrist now she pimps Bugs Bunny
Used to date Kanye now she want me
While I got my juice wanna take my OJ
It ain't her birthday but her name on the cake
If I ever play for booty grade A

Got you stuck on my (yeah)
On my elevator (uh huh)
Get it up, on my elevator
Check it out!

My First floor, stuck on the gold digger
Second floor, stuck on the dime piece
Third floor, stuck on the hood rat
Fourth floor, freak it I don't know cuz.
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ella, e-ella-vator
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ella, e-ella-vator
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ella, e-ella-vator
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ehh o ehh oh

She got her nails bid, she got her hair bid
She got a Gucci bag, her brand new outfit
Stuck on my elevator, she on the second floor
Now I want you to break it down, DJ turn it up some more
Hey, dime piece girl; True Religion, Ed Hardy
Little mama twerk that top model body
South Beach piece on the back of that Ducati
I'll bet you that brand new Ferrari

omg, I'm not even going to put up the entire song because I get annoyed at all the senseless words in it.
His entire music video consisted of him having hot (not really) girls coming into the lift and dancing and shoving their boobies at him. And he did the same thing all the time, jam the lift to let them dance a bit more.
And why is there the need to throw such huge brand names around?
Ducati, Ferrari, Gucci, Fendi, Armani?
Because now that you've used up all these brand names once, doesn't mean you're not going to use it in your next song. So if half your songs are filled up with a Brand-naming contest, couldn't my nine-month old baby sister do the same thing too?
And besides, it's not like there's a need to use those brand names!

I've used brand names in songs too, (like one) but there's a point to it.
I don't fill my song up with brand names for the heck of it.
All these songs, they're all the same bad food with different gravy.
And you're the one on TV.

Here, now compare this with the song I was uber focused on while the afore mentioned one was raping my ears:

Stars - Elevator Love Letter

I'm so hard for a rich girl.
My heels are high, my eyes cast low
and I don't know how to love.
I get too tired after mid-day, lately
I take it out on my good friends,
but the worst stays in or where would I begin?

My office glows all night long.
It's a nuclear show and the stars are gone.
Elevator, elevator, take me home.

I'm so hot for the rich girl,
Her heels so high and my hopes so low,
'Cause I don't know how to love.
I'll take her home after midnight
and if she likes, I'll tell her lies
of how we'll be in love by the morning.
I don't think she'll know that I'm saying goodbye...

My office glows all night long
It's a nuclear show and the stars are gone.
Elevator, elevator, take me home.

Don't go. Say you'll stay.
Spend a lazy Sunday in my arms,
I won't take anything away.

It's not that I hate hiphop. I don't. If you can block out some of the most of the lyrics and dance, that's just fine.
Unfortunately, today I was settled down with my oreos and milk, tuning in and paying attention.

Here's another one (This is a rant, clearly, you might get bored. just skim through the lyrics, they don't mean that much anyway)

T.I. Whatever You Like Lyrics
Songwriters: Harris, Clifford; Scheffer, James; Siegel, David; Washington, K.V.
(are the songwriters white dude? amahgad. no wonder!)

So the video started out with this girl working at a fastfood joint being daaaamn starstruck by him and he slips her his number. And she is estatic (omg I would die if i behaved like that. boy crazy or not. disgusting)
Well, the entire music video showed him pampering her like crazy but while at the beginning she seemed besotted by him, she suddenly seems way more interested in his money and material offerings now. Which didn't entirely make sense to me, but you know, whatever.
Anyhoos, she is clearly very very wrapped up in all his material gifts and even on the red carpet, she starts of seeming all shy and unsteady and is hogging the cameras the next minute.
The music video actually made A LOT more sense than the lyrics and was definitely better than ELEVATOR but the lyrics kind of just made it seem like she was sleeping with him for all his material wealth.
Look see,

Yeah, late night sex so wet, it's so tight
A gas of a jet for you tonight
Baby, you could go where ever you like
I said you could go where ever you like, yeah

Anytime you want to pick up the telephone
You know it ain't nothin' to drop a couple stacks on you
Wanted you could get it my dear
Five million dollar home, drop Bentley's, I swear

Yeah, I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go, get it, I buy it
Tell 'em other broke niggas be quiet

Stacks on deck, Patrón on ice
And we can pop bottles all night
Baby, you could have whatever you like
I said, you could have whatever you like

"I want your body, I need your body"?!


My stand might confuse you.
I don't have a problem with social escorts, because this is a completely ENTIRELY different matter.
This is like,
hmm, I want to be your boyfriend because I want your body. So I will give you lots of money.
HELLO! If I'm going to do trade offs with my body, I am going to name my price. I am not an object to be bought. A Bentley is not equivalent to my naked body.
And what is with the girl? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
How come she's suddenly so interested in his goods?

oh and check out this part of his lyrics:

Rize in big boy ice
Let me put this big boy in yo life
Thang, get so wet, ya hit so right
Let me put this big boy in yo life

That's right, yeah I want'cho body, I need yo body
Long as you got me you won't need nobody
You want it I got it, go get it I buy it
Tellem other broke niggas be quiet

Crude much!
Somehow if there was a point to these kind of lyrics rather than just being showoff-ish about your dick then it'd be more acceptable.
I mean, you know me, right?
It's not like I have a problem with sex or nudity or swear words (oh no, mommy i sound like you!), but i just for some reason, couldn't stand this.



This is
Just Like a Pill by P!nk
This is a live video and might get a bit loud.
BUT after listening to it, try to catch the last thirty seconds or so of the live performance.
It's fantastic, ending off by cutting the lights.
Then she talks a bit and there's this super cute bit where someone throws a random fluffy looking thing on stage and she just stares at it. hahahahaha
Go to youtube and get the music video. It's sexy, I like.
Sorry, I've got a huuuge thing for P!nk because she's got fantastic lyrics.

Pink Lyrics
Just Like A Pill Lyrics

hello, normality

omgomg i am daaaamn tired.
and somehow, i managed to get blisters from walking Homer.

this time it was with bird.
Homer's such a flirt! He was soooo totally hitting on two different dogs at the same time. hahaha.
had nice chitchat time with Bird and all.
Then, after doing this random hour and a half walk, I barely sat down when Paddy called asking if I'd like to study. hahaha
well I didn't study but I did do work.
Likeeee marking a paper.


I wanted to bake a cake/make jello/ bake cookies for 4c1 to say all the best for Os.
But then I never found the time (unless you count now, but then I cant give it to you guys in time)


yay you!

I'm sorry I didn't make anything)):
Even after I told Annie and Faith and all. hehe.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It's an awfully beautiful day to be beautiful.
and I'm not.

But could I be?
Just for today, perhaps?

Just for today, I will tell you

It's alright if I cry today, right?
Just for today.

and then I won't tell you the next time I cry again.

to be unbeautiful

It's a beautiful day to be beautiful,
but I'm not.

So I tutted loudly at the lanky, awkward (but trying not to be) tweens in uniform on the train,
glared at the back of an annoying lady I saw who reversed herself into a geeky quiet girl on purpose and proceeded to wrap herself around the pole instead,
rolled my eyes til it hurt at that arch-eyebrowed lady in that disgusting, gaudy hot pink blouse who walked right past me to claim a seat I was eyeing when I had been standing on the train for forty-five minutes.

It's a beautiful day to be beautiful,
but I'm not.
And I'm not even going to try.

i dont want the world to see me

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

There's no point telling the world you're sorry when you've turned it upside down.
There's no point setting a table for three when you killed the third person and you're aching with guilt.

I want to love you for as long as I possibly can.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

and I'd give up forever to touch you
Cos I know that you'd feel me somehow.

How my blog made itself damn cute

wow, omg
I waited up to read your blog post okay!
aren't I nice tonight((:

okay, so my blog's damn cute now.
No prize for guessing what I was busy with while bird was blogging!
Picture by Julie Schiel

and if i were a song, i'd want to be the kind without words, the kind with only melodies, tunes, and harmonies, the kind you listen to and you're sure you've heard it before, and you're sure there are words to the song,
because if i were a song, i want to be a song your heart already knows.
if i were a song, will you sing me?

-- author of myheavyheart

Monday, October 6, 2008


it's like you're the most beautiful, most special thing in the world to me.
life really is like math.
its like a one-line equation with a thousand page proof of theory
I read the most beautiful blog today.
It's filled with one liners, or single paragraphs.
And there's so much left unsaid that you're desperate to fill in the blanks.

Here's one that I loved:

i read a book that tells about the sky, that its only beautiful because its far, far away, because the closer things are, the less beautiful they become..
and i wonder, was i ever beautiful to you?
because love, you were always so far, far away, from me

and then, this:

and when you've finally found the right one to love, will you let go of my hand?

and that's why we don't need superheros

In the Bollywood version, Superman hooks up with Spideygirl.
I don't know if this is for real.

Maybe this explains the next picture

Poor mites, both of em.

The Japanese Schoolgirl thing.

Spiderman in India.

Scroll down slowly, and you'll get the same reaction TLC and I did:

Go on(:

And after a long day of jumping in and out of different webs,
guess who does the laundry!

If Maryjane looked like this in real life, or the movies, that'd make sense.
But she doesn't.
She looks gross and she's not hot.
She has one eye bigger than another AND LOOKS LIKE AN OLD MAID.
Worse still, she can never make up her mind about loving the bloke.

I think she got the role because of her scream.
And I'll admit being envious of her.
After all, I can scream too. But more than that, who wouldn't want to lose their first kiss to Brad Pitt! (Except Ann na, who would probably rather Ms Doughnut. hahahaha.)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

I really don't
It's amazing,
what the world doesn't know.
And I could almost cry, sometimes.

To think you mighn't have been so safe, because of me.

It's incredible, to wake up and still see the world as it should be,
when it shouldn't be.

And I can't help thinking,
I can't believe you don't know.
This is what I did today:

I woke up at 7.45am so that I could get to Bukit Gombak by 9am.
When lessons finished at 10.30am, I took the train up to Jurong so that I could take the green line down to Dover.
From Dover station, I went to Sunset Way where I had to pick up my cheque from the office.

After that,
I went all the way down to Tanjong Pagar to pick up another cheque from my other company.
It's about half past twelve when I'm done.

Following that, I take a train down to Tampines to go to daddy's place so that I can study.
Around this time, I get the text that tonight's dinner is on. And it's a Vivocity.
When lunch finishes at two, I manage to study for the next three before passing out on Daddy's lap because I am just so incredibly tired.

I leave the house at 7pm, in order to get to Vivocity for 7.30pm.
Of course, dinner starts later and we finish our meal at half past ten.
We take a nice evening walk to Nigel's studio, where I've never been before.
It's a lovely, comfy place.
We get there at 11pm (plus and minus. Also taking time to pee and dwaddle)
Hang out at 79 until half past eleven where I am the first to make a move because I'm falling asleep standing up, my head is ringing like a fucking incessant alarm clock and I have work tomorrow.

I'm truly, very sorry that I came back late without sufficient warning.
And I am also sorry that I crawled into my room and, half an hour after arriving home, came out to kiss you goodnight.

There isn't anything else I can say because I have not been this tired in a long time.
I haven't actually done this much work in a long time either,
so I suppose I'm back to weighing out the pros and cons all over again.

Thursday, October 2, 2008



Heather kept quiet while TLC stabbed her with her own stylus.

Notice the twitchy eye. hmmm
TLC is emo because she doesn't have a girlfriend! ))):
she took my twitchy-eyed cow and made her poop!

TLC sure knows her stufffff.



(will put pictures up soon)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I think I was uncomfortable. Quite, at least.

And then I had something to smile at tonight,
besides the fantastic singer and my mommy's matching smile.

Fuck lah, lazy as hell.

I want to talk, but I think I'd bore the people around me to tears.
So I'm just going to go to sleep now.