Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Upses and downses

Sometimes, and right now is one of those times, I feel like work is the only thing keeping me rooted.

At its best, I am happy, fulfilled, busy but satisfied and sure of where I'm going. And at its worst, I am sometimes slightly peeved, but overall pretty much content.

Work is like that for me a lot of the time, but I guess I just really miss putting away all of that and coming home at the end of the day to you..
To us.

But then, I'm also afraid that I'm just asking too much. I mean, that's the way it has to be sometimes, when we're in the swing of the things, right?
And it's not like we're not trying..

So maybe it's just that there've been a whole lot of other things going on too...
And maybe, this is just one of those times where I'll have to learn to sit tight and wait
Until you come back home and curl up on the couch with me again.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Put your wings down, and stay

"Whatcha thinkin?"
"Flight Eighteen-"
"Stay a minute?"
"I would like to-"

"Stay a minute."
"No I can't."

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Postcards from a breaking heart

There are some days your absence feels like a dull, throbbing ache.

I watch a show, laugh at how horrible it is before it hits me that the last time I watched it, you were curled up with me, content and comfortable despite my yelling at the Telly.

Can I be honest here?
I don't know how you're gone. I don't understand it. I am physically unable to get over the quiet you've left behind.

It's so quiet.

I throw open the windows in the apartment, almost viciously, to let in fresh air.
And in my head I say, I don't have to worry about you running out. But a whisper of truth tucked behind my ear reminds me it's because you've already done that.

But in the same way I do that, I look for you when the magic-wipe squeaks a little too loud, to tell you it's just me. When a thunderstorm starts, I wonder if you're okay, and if you'd rather be in the room because you get so scared. I want to tell you i'm here if you want a cuddle. And when the idiot neighbour downstairs starts smoking and it gets in the house, I slide the windows shut and turn to you wanting to say I'll keep you out of the laundry room for a bit,
except ...

You're not here.

Trains hurtling in all the wrong directions.

Hey here's a thought-
I keep working overtime in my want for other people to be happy,
But maybe I want someone to do that for me too.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

My body sends you postcards

So maybe I love you.
And maybe sometimes I find myself wishing for things I simply cannot have. At least, not all of it.

So maybe I need to work extra hard at balancing how I feel for you, with all the things I want for myself.

Not because I love you any less, or because I shouldn't love you.
But because maybe, some part of me figures that, at the end of the day, I still want to come home to you.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

It's been written in the scars of our hearts

Oh tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink 
No nothing's as bad as it seems

We'll come clean


I've been sad.

How do I want it all of these things when I don't get to take all of it in with the person who's all the world to me?

Saturday, July 20, 2013

For this wide-eyed wanderer

Promise me I won't outgrow my dreams
That as many times as I shelf my plans, I'll always take them down to look at again.



I've been sad.
Because I do this all the time-
dream, and hope, and think up pictures that are much too pretty for my own good, only to pack them away. We always want this next time to be different, and it doesn't always promise to be.
Sometimes it feels like I've spent my life wanting so much for everyone around me to be happy. Doing things that will make it easier to get on with their lives,  that won't disrupt it, that will never risk them feeling like they're being forced into something they don't want.
Then I look at myself and I...
I'm not unhappy. I'm not dissatisfied. And I know, believe me I do, that I have it good for me here and there's no reason for me not to stay. And I'm happy and grateful and content in a I-am-settled- sorta way.

But sometimes I think, that isn't reason enough.

And parts of me, they already started wandering far, far away before I understood fully what it meant to be the child who could and who would switch accents in a given setting just to blend in.

I'm afraid and sad, all at the same time because of all the things I feel myself reaching for but am unwilling to say out loud.
Or I do say it out loud, in a hey-here's-a-crazy-idea- kinda way that's met with a response not a fraction as crazy and infinitely more practical.
and mostly..
I just want to be where you are.
And I want you to be happy.

I just...
also want that for me.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


Promise we'll call our children beautiful and nothing else. 


Because don't we deserve to be this happy?
All the time?

Monday, July 15, 2013

Oh the way pretty places capture your heart

So let's be quite honest here, I rarely put up these sorts of long, picture-filled posts. But I figured, this was a pretty eventful trip! So i weeded out the more fun, more picturesque ones, and thought I'd share them.

In the spirit of being honest, here's a confession-
I've got a soft spot for Perth.
Quite without meaning to, i fell in love and took absolute ages to recover. And then for a while there was the dreaming up pretty things, and looking up possibilities, but mostly, there was this holiday coming at us. And one we had planned for and looked forward to for absolute ages.

I often try to keep myself from being too excited and only succeed in failing miserably.
But anyway, it was quite a lovely, productive trip, and these are all the bits that don't involve me hiding in a bathroom and crying myself stupid.
I'm not saying it happened a lot, but what would holidays be without a couple of those, hey? I think one ends up happier, if one remembers to be sad every so often.
(cue wry laugh).

But enough of my inane nattering! Here are pictures (lots of them) and summaries of our time spent away-

 This is us, on the plane, and ready for take off!

 And the sight we were greeted with, upon arrival at Uncle Adrian's and Aunty Freida's.
and then, it was, GOOD MORNING COTTESLOE.

Easily one of the most beautiful mornings to wake up to. Sometimes I wake up now and am puzzled at how I don't feel cold. Or how I'm not smiling quietly to myself as I watch the sun peek out from rooftops.

 We had a wander-about. (How couldn't we?)
But just for a bit. So that we could come back in time foooooor-

 Aunty Freida's cooking. Which is pretty something, I must say. Not like we didn't already know this. But this time round it was like,

That evening...

 We went to Sharon's where we hung out, talked and cuddled on the couch with

The next day, we headed into the city for our pancake fix-
Where we stuffed our faces, poked around in shops (can you tell we're not city people?) and headed off to meet Michelle and Talani.

Being us though, we had to find an empty playground, fiddle with the lock and go hang out on the swings for a bit.
After which, we  made juice with Michelle's new blender, waited til five to open a bottle of wine, and headed home for more good food. 

We left for Melbourne.
Now. Here's the thing.
I wasn't aware of the two hour time difference, and figured we could spend the six hours on the plane sleeping. Except of course it wasn't six hours, it was much shorter.
We turned up in Melbourne, in the wee hours of the morning, amazingly sleep-deprived, and settled for first breakfast
 in our half-asleep state, before we met up with Bird (my bestest friend in theeee whole wideeee world), who woke up early for nomnoms with us.

Having needed to go off to study for exams though, she left us to go wandering about Victoria Market after brunch/ second brekkie

Where we bought a couple of things, saw lovely buys, shopped for groceries for the following night's dinner, and then walked back quickly so that we could crash out and fall asleep.

I can't say we saw a lot of Melbourne, which was a bit of a shame. But then again, we got to hang out and didn't rush around in an effort to see more of the place so... that was really okay with me, to be honest.

We went out that evening for
In a little tucked away place, that Melbourne seems absolutely full of.
Here's a tip if you're ever heading to Melbourne-
hook up with a local, because there are heaps of lovely little places like this one to go sit in. And there're places you wouldn't find, if not for someone who knows the nooks and crannies of the city.

Erika found a place, made just for her though!

 Here, we grabbed a chilli dog for first brekkie while out on the search for second brekkie before meeting Erika's cousin.

Then we found second brekkie. This is Erika's "hmmm, which one of these many things shall I have!"- face.

 And then, the above picture is just proof we hung out with Bird, despite her needing to go study for papers.
We had her over for Blue cheese and Gnocchi. It was yum- thanks to my favourite little chef(:

Quite quickly, we packed up out of our little one-bedroom apartment and headed off for Erika's riding lesson in Oakwood.

SO. On the coldest Melbourne Winter Morn in ten years, we walked across the road to pick up the car, faced appalling service, said nothing of it because we were too cold, too calm, too asian and too fucking cold, got a free upgrade, climbed into a Ford Focus and embarked on our journey to Oakwood.
All the while deciding that Melbourne might not be the place to be.

That is of course, until we hit this part of the drive-


After a long, long, long, long time (just kidding- it wasn't really aaaall that long),
we hit a dirt road.
I had been warned by Katie not to take dirt roads with Erika because the last time they went on one, they thought they would die.

But on one we went!

With this face-
 During which I texted Uncle Ronnie and said,
"I think your daughter is trying to sell me. I don't know how many cows I'll get, considering I'm Asian."

To which he replied,
"a small herd! Especially once they find out you can make lasagna and all!"

But, the bumpy road did lead us to Oakwood-

 Where Erika road, after about a month, in the freezing cold, and I hung out with Mini, the cat who looked like I owed it to him to let him cuddle on my lap.

It was nice, seeing Erika ride. Especially because I haven't in a while. I wondered how she was coping in the cold. (She told me she felt like passing out.) But well, from the stands at least, it sounded nice- a different sort of nice than what one is used to (at least from where I was.)

After Erika's ride,
we decided to go be tourists and went to Olinda Falls.
It was the most beautiful, scenic drive I've ever been on. Absolutely gorgeous.

 To end up here-

 Down winding roads, to Olinda Falls.
Where it was quiet and beautiful and picturesque and...
I give up. My words aren't doing it justice.

But it sure was beautiful.

After which we drove to Monash to go pick Bird up from her last exam (WHICH SHE PASSED! I AM SO SO PROUD OF HER OKAY!)

 This is the racecourse.
Dude, if I had my exams here, I don't know how I'd ever freaking pass.

And that concluded our few days in Melbourne.
How exactly that trip ended could have been much better, but let's not go into that right now.

we were back in lovely Perth where it was a little less cold, a little less city-like, and lot more at-home.

We decided after that, to have date-night and take a walk on Cottesloe Beach(:



  Our first meal after Melbourne was Dim sum with Aunty Freida, Uncle Adrian and a friend in Northbridge.
As it turns out, Northbridge during the day looks quite different from at night.

The weekend that followed Melbourne, we took a trip to The Hillary's with Michelle, Talani and Karen.


 We also had Churros for dessert!

 And pretty as they are, who needs dream catchers when everything around you looks and feels like this?(:

We woke up the next morning to a Sunday that looked like this-

And people ask me why I'm so in love with Perth!

Anyway, aside from going place to place, meeting with people and thinking about work, most of the rest of our holiday looked like this-

 hanging out in pretty little cafes with the paper, an affogato for myself and a cappuccino for her

or hanging out on the couch napping, playing word games, reading scripts and  being comfy.

taking in the prettiest looking places

hanging out with Lola

Popping into FreO for coffee

and more affogato

and chilli mussels + fish and chips

and taking in even prettier sights

 The Wednesday before we left though,
I got to go to the concert of the one person I knew I'd always wanted to go for.

P!nk's The Truth About Love Tour was in town, and although (I'm ashamed to say), it did take a bit of convincing, I went.

I couldn't have possibly be prepared for how spectacular it was. And here's to all P!nk fans- if you're thinking about going to see her, don't think.
Just go for it.

Believe me, it is so, so, SO SO SO worth it!

Luckiest girl ever.

Our last night?
Hanging out with Lola, Uncle Adrian and Aunty Freida + eating good home-cooked food
+ sprawling on the couch playing word games
+ going to bed at 8:36pm.

It's official.

Luckiest girl ever(: