Sunday, March 18, 2012

I missed out on my goodnight phonecall this evening. She rang at half ten and I said I'd be with her real quick, and I thought I would except-
I was still rushing work. Homework, to be precise.

I'm not a baby about things like this, or not being on the phone, but I liked that she called just to check in. Mostly, I hate that I thought I'd be done in a tick and I wasn't.
And right now I am sad and upset and frustrated in a most peculiar, mixed up sort of way.

It's just about midnight now.
I'm in bed, and I should sleep. My bag's not packed, and I will tomorrow but. It was my birthday getaway bag this week, when we went off for a few days. Completely unpacking it to put in school things would mean stepping fully back into what makes up my current everyday.
And I am resentful.
I'm hanging on by a thread and asking myself why. Because I miss my life. I really, really do.
I miss stopping to talk to my family, having time for drinks with my friends and cooking with my girlfriend. I miss seeing the sunset. I miss waking up and liking it.
I really miss that.
Just. Y'know, waking up and being really excited about my life and all geared up to go. Ohmyword, I miss that so much.

Because waking up everyday and almost wishing you were dead, that sorta takes its toll on you y'know.

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