Phonecall

1) I'm trying. I really am.

2) Feels like I can't fix it fast enough. Fix me fast enough.

3) Which brings me back to this- how I can't do it right. How maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

Or maybe I don't want this bad enough to want to fix it me, and the problem that I am or have become.

4) It's always easier to stop trying. But I'm trying to quell that nagging thought.

5) It feels like either ways, I'm always trying. I'm always somewhere in between, just trying to get to an end.

6) Dial tones make me sad. They always have.

7) Somehow, i managed to single-handedly ruin tonight.

8) Feels like I'm fighting a losing battle against myself. Except I've fought the exact same fight before, and now we're just, older. All of us are. Including the fight.

9) I've actually been really excited about my trip. But right now, right now I just want to curl up in the corner of a toilet, and cry. Y'know, for a week or so.

10) I'm sorry. That it affects you the way it does. That I don't know what to say or do to make it better. That I need fixing. That you can't do it. That I'm not doing it properly or that I can't seem to do it fast enough. That I just ended up dragging you in.

I'm sorry, I really am.

and these shadows, they catch me by the wrist