Saturday, October 1, 2011

34 minutes into the weekend

My eyes are swollen.
I have swollen eyes.
Jesus, that's brilliant. Oh but you know what, I'll get to spend the next five days hiding them behind huge shades anyway. So I guess that's cool.

Well well well, I must say,
what a week this has been!
I found old writings, for one. And found myself, mentally, in not too good a place.
But hey, what the hell, I still ate, didn't (couldn't) run too much because running on Tuesday gave me really bad blisters, AND, like the world wasn't already being difficult, I cancelled Yoga on Wednesday.
Well, okay, I know I went and did that myself because there was something more important, but I looked forward to it for the last week.

I was also really happy about a lot of things this week.
There were a couple of things, and the start of the week that had me fretting a bit, but it turned out okay. Things turned out okay. And for the most part this week, I've been happy as a clam.

Then today.
It started off fine. I swapped tuition to earlier this week because it's the last night before a long weekend away and I'm sappy like that.
I really looked forward to it.
The audition, it was only alright. But I really looked forward to after. Then I think I went and ruined it.
Well, it wasn't altogether ruined, but then, it just sorta ended up getting worse because I don't give the best responses.

And here we are.

No, correction.
Here I am.

There are a couple of things I've realized about myself, having been in my fair share of relationships-

1) I never give the right responses. I'm either being too defensive, or not taking the other person into consideration, or not being right, or something.

2) I don't get over things quick enough. My timings, our timings, they never seem to match up.
Of course, it's an entirely different thing when I face the other, shaking, crumbling, breaking apart at the seams and on the verge of collapse, feeling like I was as good as dead moments ago and he has no idea what I'm talking about. But then, sometimes, people are just like that.

There are a few others.
But, I have to leave for the airport in a couple of hours. Like literally, a couple of hours, and I'm not packed yet.
First World Pains.
My eyes are puffy and I want to curl into a ball and keep crying. Also, I want to sleep.
Also, I must remember to pack my razors.
Well, I must remember a lot of things because I don't actually have anything in my weekend bag. Yet.

I just found that I've broken out into rash on my thigh. This is just fantastic. It's perfect.
Happy Friday y'all, hope it's as exciting for everyone else too!

I will spend the next five days in the sun. With Portia De Rossi's Unbearable Lightness. And a Pina Colada.

I tried. I called. I wanted to tell you that I love you. That I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Because I am and I'm not just saying it so we can sweep it under the carpet. I wanted to say goodnight. That I hope your weekend goes fantastic. That I love you. And I'm sorry about how tonight turned out and I'm sorry that I ruined it. I called. BecauseIwantedtotellyouIwantedtohearyourvoiceonthephoneandthatI'dthinkofyouandthatIloveyou.
But mostly, I wanted to tell you that I love you

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