Friday, September 7, 2012

A letter to old dreams, hopes and things I

Dear you,
I will always be grateful for the time that you were. You've made me the person I am now and even though old scars sometimes sting, Mostly, I am happy.

And here's a spot of truth-
That I am truly happy for the paths that have been taken, that are being taken, even though they're going in an opposite direction from mine.

You are dreams and wishes and hopes that I am letting go of, that I am not reaching for or heading towards. Not because you were ever useless or because I couldn't make it, but because I found myself propelled towards very different wants and needs and goals.
You belong down a very different rabbit hole, and I hope the Charis in that one will find herself again, will always remember the strength she has, and more importantly, look back and know that it was all worth it. I hope she is happy, or that she learns to be, the way I am learning to again.

We couldn't have reached each other, even if we tried. And sometimes, in all my childish quests to have something to prove, I ache with the wanting us to have been the marriage that fell into place. But we weren't. We're not and we wouldn't have been.
Instead, I have different things waiting for me that I am now making my way towards. They're not necessarily better than you, but I figure they're most certainly better for me.

I'm sorry.
That it didn't work.
But I'm not sorry for where I am now; i couldn't be. There is a way that my dreams and plans now, in all their uncertainty, fit themselves around me.

And sometimes, I will ache for the Could Have Been that you are, but I know that right here is exactly where I am supposed to be.


Sent from my iPhone

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